Dear rear driver's side tire,
Remember when I pulled into the garage and heard a weird sound so I looked all over the place for a leak and then I realized it was coming from you and then I sat there and watched you deflate in front of my eyes so my dad had to come over and help me change you? I do. Because it was last night. At midnight. I cannot tell you how awesome it was to be out in 15 degree weather changing a tire until 1am. I think my dad really appreciated being woken up to come over and do manual labor. I don't think he has ever wanted me to have a boyfriend more in his entire life. I think my favorite part, though, was having to get the spare tire out because whoever designed how it's stored on the car clearly hates me and my dad and will be receiving threatening hatemail in 2-4 days depending on how fast the US Postal Service can deliver it.
Thanks for coming to my rescue again. I promise I will find a boyfriend soon. Or maybe I could hire a guy to just do the "handyman" stuff around the house. Any takers? In exchange for your help I will let you live with me and then marry me and have kids with me. I can't believe no one wants this job.
Dear house and car and other things I own that have a lot of things that could possibly break on or in them,
The furnace broke on me Sunday night. Then the tire last night. If you are thinking about breaking anytime soon, just...you know...just don't. I can't take it anymore.
Dear ladies of Cleveland and neighboring towns...and states,
I need to warn you that my friend Matt is on the prowl. Yesterday he bought an Audi TT which basically looks like this. Also we watched "How I Met Your Mother" last night, and it was the episode about how girls think architects are hot. Matt, being an architect, began practicing his opening line, "Matt LastName, Architect". It's smooth but kind of creepy. Also he has taken to describing himself has someone with "the soul of an artist and the hands of a master craftsman". Be on the lookout. If you are interested, though, let me know. I'll totally hook you up. Whoa did I just pimp you out on the Internet, Matty? Awesome.