Thursday, September 30, 2010

Meg's mash up

I had kind of a rough day yesterday so when I walked into my sister's place last night, I was semi-faking my cheerfulness.  However, within about 5 minutes, I was restored to pure happiness because of my friends.  Let me explain.

Yesterday was Meg's birthday.  All she wanted for her birthday was to watch the Britney Spears episode of "Glee" at someone's house with her friends while eating hot dogs and cake.  And for a present?  She wanted her friends to sing a Happy Birthday mash up.  For those of you who don't watch "Glee", a mash up is where you take two different songs and combine them into one song.  So, for example, on an episode of "Glee", the girls sang a mash up of "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine", and it was awesome.  That is what Meg wanted. 

Friday, Steph sent out this email:

To: Peeps
From: Steph
Subject:  Meg's bday present --- start a salt water gargle now, we will sing like angels or Sarah

Meg only wants a Glee Mashup song for her birthday present (this is much
more affordable than we all expected given Meg's taste of fine
living...:)). Her request is that it includes Happy Birthday.

I took the liberty of providing lyrics. Performance will be next Tuesday
during Glee watching birthday party. Sing with spirit and use jazz hands. (and no, I'm not
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you

You are the sunshine of my life
That's what I'll always be around
You are the apple of my eye
Forever you stay in my heart

Happy Birthday, Dear Meg
Happy Birthday to you

Sarah will lead with her voice of an angel and boys, follow Diane's lead,
feel free to throw in the harmony stuff I don't understand. This
will make Meg so happy and also, Glee is about Britney this week (the go to
password for all my computer systems at work) so you know I can't wait!

Again, nothing in this email is a joke, we are doing this! Yay!!!!! 

I was the last to arrive to the party, and after I stuffed some Little Ceasar's pizza in my face (that's right-Little Ceasar's. What's up, early 90's?), Steph declared it was time for us to "give Meg her present".  That is when Diane whipped out the video camera, and Lisa, who is a children's librarian, whipped out the musical instruments:

These are some awesomely old school, little kid instruments. 

We took our places at one end of the room with Meg watching us from the other, I hummed a starting note and we began.  And I really can't describe how awesome and hilarious it was.  Just picture 10 people in their 30's singing a birthday mash up while playing elementary school instruments and waving their jazz hands.  Is that even something you can picture? 

All I know is, Meg loved it, none of us could stop laughing, and I fell in love with my friends all over again.  Also I really need to get my hands on that video tape so I can delete the footage.

Also here is a reason I love my brother in law:

In case you can't read the sign in front of the pickles, it says: "Help yourself to some "Britney" spears."

On my way home I got this text message from Steph:  "We aren't normal."  No we are not.  But in the best possible way.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Smart Talk About Love

So somehow I just ended up on a site called Your Tango (what?) because I followed a link to a story about how Jaleel White (Urkel) is being accused of beating his baby mama.  Obviously.  Don't judge me.  I was getting depressed reading about how the Senate blocked the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in the military (Absolutely disgusting, US government. Yes please risk your life for us, gay soldier, but shh-don't feel free to be who you are out in the open. Gross.) and how an 11 year old is being accused of murdering a 2 year old (I want to crawl into a dark hole reading things like this) so I needed to read some Urkel ridiculousness. 

But seriously wtf is Your Tango?  My post title is their tagline.  And it totally seems like smart talk about love all over that site.  Here are some examples of the articles I saw when I got there:

Dating Disaster: A Guy, A Girl, Her Gas

Sober Dating: How to Date Without Drinking [ed. note: Is this a joke?]

Why I Flirt With Everyone-Including Your Man

How to Fall In Love With Mr. Good Enough

Dating Disaster: I Kissed My Cousin [ed. note:  Fucking ew.]

What Do Men Think About Hair Weaves?

Inside the National Cougar Convention [ed. note: There's a convention??  That. Is. Fantastic.  My favorite quote from the article is from one of the college guys who went to the convention because he was bored.  A lady he was dancing with turned to him and said:  "It's okay, let Mama Cougar do all the talking."]  [ed. note on my ed. note: I am frighteningly close to being a woman who attends this convention and says things like "Does this stimulate you?"-another actual cougar quote.]

Revealed:  The Love Lives of Real-Life Vampires

Skip the Soulmate, Find a Trophy Husband

So obviously I bookmarked this site. 

Hey, we will have a post dedicated to new TV after this week, but did anyone watch "Hawaii 5-0"?  A few comments on this show:

1.  It was awesome.
2.  Aside from Friday Night Lights, it might have the hottest male cast on TV.
3.  Jin!
4.  Who the hell is Alex O'Loughlin, and where has he been all my life!?  He is insanely gorgeous.
5.  Seriously.  Three main guys in the cast, all hot.  Ladies, let's do this.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Krusty's 2010

As usual the weather on Krusty's day was beautiful.  It's like the universe knows how important that day is so it makes sure the weather is perfect.  I was worried about getting weird tan lines right before I had to wear a strapless dress for Sharda's wedding so I brought like 20 kinds of sunscreen and put it on all of one time.  Really if you take away the binge drinking, I was like the mom at Krusty's.  In addition to the sunscreen, I brought hand sanitizer, Wet Ones, Aleve, toilet paper, paper towels, Off, Starburst and grapes-because "we need to eat some fruit". 

Steph had to leave Krusty's pretty early on.  The reason?  She had to throw up.  The reason?  She was too hungover from the night before.  Come on, Steph!  Getting drunk the night before Krusty's?  That's a rookie move.  But also...hilarious.

Meg's brother taught us a new drinking game that you play with cards, and I drank so much within the first few minutes that I was actually scared.  After we played it twice, Meg took a deep breath and said, "Maybe we should play something else."  Look I know some of you don't know Meg, but if Meg thinks a drinking game is excessive then it's about 20 times more excessive than the normal person can handle. 

Drew and Steph made up another game.  There was a woman near us playing some game involving tossing.  Unfortunately, the dress she was wearing didn't offer a lot of coverage, and when she would toss, sometimes her boob would pop out.  For real.  We were only at Krusty's for like a half hour when we first noticed.  So obviously Drew and Steph immediately made the rule that any time they saw a boob, they took two drinks.  Then more rules were added: drinks for seeing someone's underwear or butt cleavage, etc.  We're pretty classy people who don't tell others when their body parts are hanging out.  I'm just saying if you're ever in Cleveland, and you happen to notice that your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose or something, chances are good we are nearby drinking "in your honor".

I want to interject here and just say that my sister, who as you all know is pregnant, went to Krusty's despite not being able to drink and lasted all day long.  She is a rock star.  For real.

Music can make or break a party, and the bands this year were awesome.  Lt. Dan's New Legs was absolutely fantastic, and if you get the chance to see them, do it.  I was a dancing machine, and I only got beer spilled on me like 11 times.  I also got hit in the head with a beach ball like 72 times.  Can we just talk about the beach ball at concerts thing real quick?  Why is this fun?  Why must I spend my time-the time I am currently using to watch a band that I paid money to see-looking out for beach balls flying at my head.  I didn't come here to "kind of" play volleyball.  Just no, people.  No.  Moving on...

Later in the afternoon I made new friends:  Becky and Laura.  Becky and Laura happen to be readers of this blog (or used to be-I haven't been here in a while), and they are awesome.  Laura's brother works at Krusty's every year which is amazing.  Also one year at Krusty's Becky broke her arm*.  That is hardcore, you guys.  When you compare it to the two nails I broke this year, I really come off as a giant pussy.  You guys, that is not a nice word.  But it is funny.  Anyway, Becky and Laura are so nice and they came up to talk to me, and I immediately talked their ear off with stories that they have already read on the blog because let's face it-there's not much more to me.  Then I became uber creepy and made them exchange phone numbers with me.  I have trouble with boundaries.  Sorry, girls.  I am a talker and only slightly creepy when I'm sober, but it all gets magnified like tenfold when I'm drunk.  You girls are awesome, and I'm really glad I met you.  Great Northern rules (we talked about Great Northern, right?).

Since we had Prego with us, we didn't need to take a cab to the bar afterward.  Pregnancy seems fun.  Not drinking and driving your drunk friends around.  Anyway, we still played Cash Cab because that's what we do.  Matt used his iPhone to look up facts and then quizzed us on them.  We got none of them right.  After we missed 3, Meg goes, "Oh we lose.  I guess we have to get out of the car."  Then Diane suddenly pulled over and stopped the car and told us to get out.  There was riotous laughter followed by nervous laughter when she stayed pulled over and stared at us without saying anything just a little too long.  However, she didn't make us walk, though I wouldn't have blamed her if she did.

At the bar, Matt and I were standing at the bar so we could ask for more milk to be added to our White Russians (we are wimps) while everyone else was at a table behind us.  Matt and I decided we wanted food.  I had what I considered to be the greatest idea ever just then.  I was afraid if I ordered food for the two of us, everyone else would try to eat it.  So I ordered like $30 worth of food for the table to distract them while Matt and I at our mozzarella sticks and french fries which cost maybe $8.  At the time, I was like, "This is literally the best use of money ever."  The next day I was like, "Wait...whatthefuck?"  At some point later in night, Drew and Diane left-not because she was 6 months pregnant and tired, but because Drew was so wasted he needed to get to bed.  Meg also suddenly had to go so she could "get to Taco Bell before they closed".  She was so worried about not making it there so she left, and we looked at our watches.  It was 9:35.  Hey when you are old and you day drink, you are in bed by 11.  Which is why day drinking is amazing.

One thing I did not do this year:  lift up the skirt part of my skorts.  I am growing, you guys.  Maturing.  Tomorrow I tell you about how I did Karate Kid dance moves at Sharda's wedding.

*I'm almost positive it was her arm, but as I wrote it I was thinking, 'Wait was it her foot?'

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Thunder Magnus update

So I have several posts almost finished but not finished enough so I can promise that this week, you will hear some good stories.  You will not, however, be seeing the pictures from said stories because I have seen them, and they are, how you say, incriminating.

Have a look at the latest pic of my nephew:

This was taken at week 29.  She's currently at 31 weeks.  He moves all night long and barely moves during the day which is really convenient for when my sister is trying to sleep.  Also every time my parents are around and want to feel him, he stops moving.  Saturday Diane kept poking her stomach and saying, "Come on.  Grandma wants to feel you."  And I was like, "Stop poking him."  And Diane was like, "He needs to toughen up."  Already being pressured by Mom while still in the womb.  Good luck, kiddo.  At dinner on Saturday, my dad walked up to Diane, patted her on the belly and said, "Hey, tubby." 

Only 2 more months until I get to meet the little stinker, spoil him and then give him back to his parents when he starts to whine and/or poop.  Drew put all the furniture together, and I asked Diane what else they had to do to get ready.  She said, "Organize all the stuff in his room, pick a name, learn how to take care of a baby."  Awesome.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

I will punch the next "5-hour Energy" commercial I see in the face

Hear that loud whoosh sound?  That was August flying by.  What. the. eff.  seriously.  I'm sorry for the extended absence, but I have been so busy that essentially I never sit down at my house before 10pm, and the last thing I want to do is turn on my computer.  Tonight was my "free night" and yet this is the first real opportunity I've had to sit down.  See how it's after midnight?  This is what I like to call "bullcrap". 

Since it's so late, I'm going to phone it in.  Time for another edition of random text messages sitting in my cell phone inbox:

You were hilarious! Don't worry. Besides I made an aunt in a sari do "I like big butts" with me.

Homeless man just told me "I love it when u wear that dress." This means I prob made wrong choice right?

Fun game for my friends.  Who's boobs am I having lunch with? (the drink is bubbling and smoking) [ed. note: They are Meg's.]

Nice work.  I have Markinson.

Holy feet!  [ed. note:  You guys, these are my sister's feet from a couple weeks ago after her trip to Texas. W. T. F.]

Happy book clubbing.  I felt like in chapter 3 there was really good character development of Diane and how lame she is [ed. note: This is from my friend Jace. He and Diane are fake enemies. It provides me with endless hours of entertainment.]

I just said switcheroo in front of a high up manager.

new mexico states coach is named menzies

Let's hope for a penis up tuck.

Happy st. pats.  Hope you get effed by a leprechaun!

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Stand by

I basically took a vacation from all things electronic.  But I am back starting tomorrow, and I will tell you about how on Saturday I walked my friend John around the dance floor like he was a dog.  Reminder: I am 33.