Thursday, November 15, 2007
Strikewatch
By the way, I know most of you are worried about the strike like me. Check out this page for the countdown on our shows. Let's remain strong together, you guys. We will pull each other through this difficult time.
Ha Ha Ha
A real quick note on our HGTV show: I forgot to mention that it is also a drinking show-like Three Sheets. So I mean instantly it becomes watchable to Steph.
So here's something totally reasonable. If you don't feel like reading it basically what happened is store Santas in Sydney have been told to say "ha ha ha" instead of "ho ho ho" so as not to offend women.
Um...any woman who is offended by SANTA CLAUSE saying "ho ho ho" please stand up so I can punch you in the face. You are ruining Christmas.
Incidentally when Kim, Diane and I were roommates at Woodford we bought a Christmas decoration that said "Ho Ho Ho" and hung it on our front door so people would know who lived there. That oughta set the feminist movement back a couple hundred years.
So here's something totally reasonable. If you don't feel like reading it basically what happened is store Santas in Sydney have been told to say "ha ha ha" instead of "ho ho ho" so as not to offend women.
Um...any woman who is offended by SANTA CLAUSE saying "ho ho ho" please stand up so I can punch you in the face. You are ruining Christmas.
Incidentally when Kim, Diane and I were roommates at Woodford we bought a Christmas decoration that said "Ho Ho Ho" and hung it on our front door so people would know who lived there. That oughta set the feminist movement back a couple hundred years.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...at Aloyd's house
I am so excited to tell you about our new project. It's no secret how much I love Christmas. I mean I think I've made it abundantly clear that if Christmas were a person, I would marry it and have its babies.
My sister, Meg and Sharda also love Christmas. Aloyd, knowing this fact, asked us to help him. Help him with what, you ask? Well he recently purchased a condo. A bachelor pad if you will. He has no Christmas decorations, and he doesn't really like Christmas. I know, you guys. He has other great qualities so I remain friends with him in spite of this flaw. Anyway, he came to us with this proposition: "If I give you guys money, would you be interested in decorating my place? Like I would pay, you would buy all the stuff and put it up?".
Um...is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Is Okay Seriously dreaming about Salt and Vinegar Pringles and Cherry Coke 22 out of 24 hours a day? YES!!
This is literally the greatest project I have ever been asked to work on. And we decided that it would make an awesome show on HGTV. People would need help with their decorating and in we would come. And it doesn't have to be just Christmas. It can be any holiday year round.
Sunday we went to Aloyd's house for our initial consultation. We wanted to get a better feel for his place, his style and his budget. Also we wanted to make him listen to Christmas music.
Here's the best and worst part. Drew came with us and taped us. For real. We had to pretend we were hosts and everything. Meg was a natural. But we almost had a group falling out when it appeared Meg was trying to take over the show for herself. But it's all okay now. I was horrible. I couldn't stop laughing or swearing. I think I would be a more effective TV host if I was drunk. What makes this whole thing even more sad is that we don't have a video camera. We had to use Diane's digital camera and take a series of 30 second videos.
We then went shopping and took the camera with us. When we told the checkout lady what we were doing she said it was the best idea ever. Then we put her on video. It was awesome. She told us to call her when we make it big so she can record herself on TV. The checkout lady believes in us, you guys!
We still have a lot of shopping left to do, but so far this is the most fun. I am certain we can turn Aloyd into a Christmas lover. And ourselves into HGTV stars. You guys would totally watch our show, right?
My sister, Meg and Sharda also love Christmas. Aloyd, knowing this fact, asked us to help him. Help him with what, you ask? Well he recently purchased a condo. A bachelor pad if you will. He has no Christmas decorations, and he doesn't really like Christmas. I know, you guys. He has other great qualities so I remain friends with him in spite of this flaw. Anyway, he came to us with this proposition: "If I give you guys money, would you be interested in decorating my place? Like I would pay, you would buy all the stuff and put it up?".
Um...is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Is Okay Seriously dreaming about Salt and Vinegar Pringles and Cherry Coke 22 out of 24 hours a day? YES!!
This is literally the greatest project I have ever been asked to work on. And we decided that it would make an awesome show on HGTV. People would need help with their decorating and in we would come. And it doesn't have to be just Christmas. It can be any holiday year round.
Sunday we went to Aloyd's house for our initial consultation. We wanted to get a better feel for his place, his style and his budget. Also we wanted to make him listen to Christmas music.
Here's the best and worst part. Drew came with us and taped us. For real. We had to pretend we were hosts and everything. Meg was a natural. But we almost had a group falling out when it appeared Meg was trying to take over the show for herself. But it's all okay now. I was horrible. I couldn't stop laughing or swearing. I think I would be a more effective TV host if I was drunk. What makes this whole thing even more sad is that we don't have a video camera. We had to use Diane's digital camera and take a series of 30 second videos.
We then went shopping and took the camera with us. When we told the checkout lady what we were doing she said it was the best idea ever. Then we put her on video. It was awesome. She told us to call her when we make it big so she can record herself on TV. The checkout lady believes in us, you guys!
We still have a lot of shopping left to do, but so far this is the most fun. I am certain we can turn Aloyd into a Christmas lover. And ourselves into HGTV stars. You guys would totally watch our show, right?
Friday, November 09, 2007
Stupid effing strike
I don't even want to think about the fact that next week's episode of The Office is the last one because of this strike. I am devastated.
Let's try to ignore that and talk shows.
SPOILERS
Effing Grey's. I hate and love it so much. I really hated the Izzie-George sex scenes, but if that's what I have to suffer through for them to finally and mercifully be over, I will do it. So I guess the storyline is that they have no chemistry. Hey great idea, writers. We only told you that a year ago. Whatever-let's hurry up and derail that BS ASAP. I want to like Izzie. I really do. But they have really ruined her character. I'm really hoping they can redeem her and George now.
New cardiologist=awful. Yay she's a great surgeon whatever. She's annoying. And she's messing up Christina's universe, and it's pissing me off. I guess that's the point. Also she is obviously a cyborg because there is no straight woman out there who is not attracted to McSteamy. He is so beautiful, I actually get dizzy looking at him.
Meredith is such an effing bitch. She has every right to decide not to get to know her sister, but she doesn't have to be a giant C U Next Tuesday about it. I was glad Lexie finally told her off. And Alex, too. Then Lexie was all nice and trying to be a part of her life again. Lexie, you are way too nice. I'd have given up a long time ago.
One more injustice was finally corrected last night: Bailey was made Chief Resident. All I have to say about that is it's about effing time.
The Office
First of all Michael was making fun of Ryan's retreat he called it Broken Mountain. Second of all Dwight keeps a machete in the ceiling. Good Lord that's funny.
Jim's glimpse into his bleak future was hilarious. Plus the whole birthday plotline showed that it's not always Michael being annoying-the people in the office are annoying, too. Pam almost got Jim to gather everyone in the conference room like Michael. Oh and when he started to complain about Toby, I couldn't deal.
Other highlights:
- Do I believe that Michael has the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no I do not.
- Blacks do crack. Not the drug.
- You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.
- Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.
- The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant.
- I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!
- Mosy days I just sit and wait for the break.
30 Rock
Okay seriously when they panned to Jack and his hair was completely out of control and he said, "I called this meeting today to discuss what happened at Kenneth's party last night", I absolutely lost it. I mean I flat out started choking during that scene with the flashbacks. That show is brilliant!
Let's try to ignore that and talk shows.
SPOILERS
Effing Grey's. I hate and love it so much. I really hated the Izzie-George sex scenes, but if that's what I have to suffer through for them to finally and mercifully be over, I will do it. So I guess the storyline is that they have no chemistry. Hey great idea, writers. We only told you that a year ago. Whatever-let's hurry up and derail that BS ASAP. I want to like Izzie. I really do. But they have really ruined her character. I'm really hoping they can redeem her and George now.
New cardiologist=awful. Yay she's a great surgeon whatever. She's annoying. And she's messing up Christina's universe, and it's pissing me off. I guess that's the point. Also she is obviously a cyborg because there is no straight woman out there who is not attracted to McSteamy. He is so beautiful, I actually get dizzy looking at him.
Meredith is such an effing bitch. She has every right to decide not to get to know her sister, but she doesn't have to be a giant C U Next Tuesday about it. I was glad Lexie finally told her off. And Alex, too. Then Lexie was all nice and trying to be a part of her life again. Lexie, you are way too nice. I'd have given up a long time ago.
One more injustice was finally corrected last night: Bailey was made Chief Resident. All I have to say about that is it's about effing time.
The Office
First of all Michael was making fun of Ryan's retreat he called it Broken Mountain. Second of all Dwight keeps a machete in the ceiling. Good Lord that's funny.
Jim's glimpse into his bleak future was hilarious. Plus the whole birthday plotline showed that it's not always Michael being annoying-the people in the office are annoying, too. Pam almost got Jim to gather everyone in the conference room like Michael. Oh and when he started to complain about Toby, I couldn't deal.
Other highlights:
- Do I believe that Michael has the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no I do not.
- Blacks do crack. Not the drug.
- You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.
- Tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.
- The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant.
- I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!
- Mosy days I just sit and wait for the break.
30 Rock
Okay seriously when they panned to Jack and his hair was completely out of control and he said, "I called this meeting today to discuss what happened at Kenneth's party last night", I absolutely lost it. I mean I flat out started choking during that scene with the flashbacks. That show is brilliant!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Work tales
I think I mentioned that in my new position I'd get to work more often with my lunch boys. I knew it would be fun, but I had no idea just how much until yesterday.
John (Shop Dungarees) and I had a meeting together. The purpose of the meeting was for John to give my team an overview of the application he supports. John is great at explaining technical concepts to people who are less technically inclined than him. Yesterday was no exception.
Everything was going well, and at the end of the meeting he did a live demo of how the workflow process of the application worked. He said, "To help you guys understand this better, I'll use a real life example." His example? "Say you're in the bathroom here and because of a miscalculation you run out of toilet paper." Yes his example was bathroom related.
He proceeded to show us how the workflow might look if this situation were encountered. "The tp holder would send an email to Management which would say 'Need tp in 6th floor bathroom stall 1' and maybe would include a picture of me on the toilet with a sad face. Then Management would see the request and take tp down to that bathroom."
At this point I was barely holding it together. I couldn't even look at him because I was 100% sure I was going to wet my pants if I made eye contact. My whole team was there-my peers, our managers and their manager, a woman who is VERY high up in our organization. And everybody was losing their minds. By the way, don't try this yourself because you'll get fired. He is literally the only person on this entire planet that can get away with it.
Then in a final bid to get me to soil myself, he said, "Once management completes the task of coming to the bathroom, seeing me sitting on the stall and giving me toilet paper, they can either send a request to the cleaning lady to go mop up the mess or they can enter in some comments and close out the task." These are the comments he entered in:
"All set, Johnny Boy. Commence wiping."
Goddammit I love that guy.
John (Shop Dungarees) and I had a meeting together. The purpose of the meeting was for John to give my team an overview of the application he supports. John is great at explaining technical concepts to people who are less technically inclined than him. Yesterday was no exception.
Everything was going well, and at the end of the meeting he did a live demo of how the workflow process of the application worked. He said, "To help you guys understand this better, I'll use a real life example." His example? "Say you're in the bathroom here and because of a miscalculation you run out of toilet paper." Yes his example was bathroom related.
He proceeded to show us how the workflow might look if this situation were encountered. "The tp holder would send an email to Management which would say 'Need tp in 6th floor bathroom stall 1' and maybe would include a picture of me on the toilet with a sad face. Then Management would see the request and take tp down to that bathroom."
At this point I was barely holding it together. I couldn't even look at him because I was 100% sure I was going to wet my pants if I made eye contact. My whole team was there-my peers, our managers and their manager, a woman who is VERY high up in our organization. And everybody was losing their minds. By the way, don't try this yourself because you'll get fired. He is literally the only person on this entire planet that can get away with it.
Then in a final bid to get me to soil myself, he said, "Once management completes the task of coming to the bathroom, seeing me sitting on the stall and giving me toilet paper, they can either send a request to the cleaning lady to go mop up the mess or they can enter in some comments and close out the task." These are the comments he entered in:
"All set, Johnny Boy. Commence wiping."
Goddammit I love that guy.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
My horoscope today
Seriously it's about time you guys started pitching in and cleaning up my house. I'm tired of avoiding doing it by myself.
"Members of your household, including you, Sarah, might have been letting chores around the home slide and the idea of getting them done may seem a bit too much for you to bear. Yet the spirit of sacrifice may get the best of you, and you might try to do it all yourself. Don't! Ask for help. Others are as responsible for household tasks as you are, and you aren't doing anyone any favors by working too hard."
"Members of your household, including you, Sarah, might have been letting chores around the home slide and the idea of getting them done may seem a bit too much for you to bear. Yet the spirit of sacrifice may get the best of you, and you might try to do it all yourself. Don't! Ask for help. Others are as responsible for household tasks as you are, and you aren't doing anyone any favors by working too hard."
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Living in an Amish paradise
If you are ever looking for a band to go see live, might I suggest Jimmy Eat World. They are terrific and sound awesome in person and have so many good songs it's ridiculous. Just don't abbreviate and write JEW on your calendar. It will most assuredly confuse others. Also maybe during one of the best and most emotional songs don't run around telling people that it was in "A Cinderella Story" at a very important part of the movie when Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray kiss for the first time. No one seems to appreciate Hilary Duff trivia at a time like that.
On Saturday, Diane, my parents and I went to Amish Country to rub their noses in our use of electricity and buy their homemade crafts. Listen I truly believe that everybody has the right to live their life however they choose, but seriously what's with the Amish? I just simply don't understand what's appealing about that lifestyle. I've heard it makes you focus on what's important like family, etc. But here's the thing I am very focused on how much I love my family, but I still use a hairdryer in the morning. I think it's okay that I'm making fun of them because they can't read the Internet, right? I mean that is why I make fun of homeless people. Satan, before you take my soul back home with you for eternity you should know I was just kidding.
My friend Renee and I decided that the novelty of seeing a horse and buggy never wears off. So I helpfully pointed them out every single time we saw one. My dad helpfully pointed out all the horseshit.
This weekend I also babysat Steph's dog. We are now bff. Things got a little tense when I made him dance to Michael Buble with me, but he forgave me when I gave him a Milkbone. Dogs are so easy.
Sunday I spent all day worrying about the writers strike in Hollywood. Seriously studios, let's resolve this soon because I swear if I lose all my shows in January I will come out there and force all of you to eat complex carbohydrates till your stomach staples burst.
On Saturday, Diane, my parents and I went to Amish Country to rub their noses in our use of electricity and buy their homemade crafts. Listen I truly believe that everybody has the right to live their life however they choose, but seriously what's with the Amish? I just simply don't understand what's appealing about that lifestyle. I've heard it makes you focus on what's important like family, etc. But here's the thing I am very focused on how much I love my family, but I still use a hairdryer in the morning. I think it's okay that I'm making fun of them because they can't read the Internet, right? I mean that is why I make fun of homeless people. Satan, before you take my soul back home with you for eternity you should know I was just kidding.
My friend Renee and I decided that the novelty of seeing a horse and buggy never wears off. So I helpfully pointed them out every single time we saw one. My dad helpfully pointed out all the horseshit.
This weekend I also babysat Steph's dog. We are now bff. Things got a little tense when I made him dance to Michael Buble with me, but he forgave me when I gave him a Milkbone. Dogs are so easy.
Sunday I spent all day worrying about the writers strike in Hollywood. Seriously studios, let's resolve this soon because I swear if I lose all my shows in January I will come out there and force all of you to eat complex carbohydrates till your stomach staples burst.
Friday, November 02, 2007
How's work, losers?
So guess who just woke up because she is not at work? That would be me. Haha suckers. God I love not working. Don't get me wrong I really like my new job, but not working has a magical quality. And that quality is not working.
How about a little show talk? Some spoilers ahead.
I'm seriously reaching the point where I don't even want to write about Grey's. Is it just me or is it getting worse and worse? It's turning into my Dawson's Creek where I don't want to watch it, but I have to because I'm addicted. I'm just going to do a quick recap because I'll be honest I was kind of disgusted with last night's episode.
Izzie and George - horrible. How much longer do I have to endure this?
New cardiologist lady - absolutely, unbelievably horrible. I swear to God if they keep her on the show, I might stop watching because she is so unbearable. Why did the chief take her crap? He's the boss. Assert your power, chief!
McDreamy and McSteamy as friends - amazing. I love it so much. They are so hot.
Heart surgery while you're awake - ga-gew! Is that really possible?
Guy who fell 12,000 feet parachuting - Roy!! It was nice to see him again especially when he's not playing a jerk. That guy is a total cutie.
Meredith and McDreamy - tired. Her issues around that whole thing make no sense anymore. I get her issues with her family, and I can even get her not really wanting to get to know Lexie (even though she's such a bitch to her), but this whole thing with McDreamy-I'm done with it.
McDreamy - McDreamy
Lexie and Alex - kinda hot.
Alex - so very, very hot. More shirtless scenes with him please.
The Office
I think last night might have had the funniest line ever uttered on "The Office". And it was Oscar. "Besides having sex with men, the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing I've ever done." I literally did a spittake.
When Michael was trying to set up the sleeping version of himself, and Dwight said he would be out of the office with him all the time, Michael said, "Mostly I'll be with Ryan. Or Darryl." Hilarious. Then when he had Pam writing up the want ad, "Middle aged black man with sass. And a big butt."
I thought the whole stealing the printer from Utica was a little out there, but their mustache disguises more than made up for it. They looked awesome, and I love that Jim laid the seat back in the car and then told Dwight, "You don't need to update me as much as you are updating me." The whole Jim and Karen reunion was so awkward and so how a girl would react if she heard her ex-boyfriend say he was doing really good with his new girlfriend. I like how Jim just got up and awkwardly walked out.
Oh! Oscar had another amazing line last night. While they were trying to do the Finer Things Club, Phyllis came in to use the microwave and she kept pressing all these buttons over and over and finally Oscar loses it and screams, "WHAT ARE YOU MICROWAVING!?" I lost it, too. Andy trying to get into the club was great, too. "The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. I have to be in it. Party Planning Committee is my backup, and Kevin's band is my other backup."
This is the episode synopsis for next week: "Dunder Mifflin goes green when Ryan plans a corporate wilderness retreat and an excluded Michael begins planning his own outdoor adventure." You just know that's going to be awesome.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I guess when I said multiple posts I meant one post
How was everyone's Halloween? I went to Diane and Drew's house to contribute to childhood obesity, as Drew would say. We also ate the crap out of the chili that Diane made for us. It was awesome.
Woody came over, too. The three of them drank beer while I wore a headband that had lit up pumpkins on it. While we were sitting there, Meg and Aloyd walked up carrying wine. We asked if we could get them some chairs and Meg said,"Just glasses and a corkscrew." Six adults sitting on the porch drinking alcohol and eating chili. You could almost feel the envy of the parents out with their children.
There were so many cute kids. It made my ovaries ache. When teenagers came up who didn't bother putting on a costume, we gave them a Payday since that was the worst candy bar we had. At one point an unmarked white van drove through the street. Drew was like, "That's totally not shady at all while children are roaming the streets." Woody called it The Kidcatcher.
After the festivities, we watched the Cavs be terrible. Then we watched "Rent", but Drew muted the parts he thought were too sad. This morning he told me that he was glad that Diane and I weren't intravenous drug users so that we wouldn't get AIDS. That's our Drew: equal parts sweet and weird.
Tell me funny Halloween stories.
Woody came over, too. The three of them drank beer while I wore a headband that had lit up pumpkins on it. While we were sitting there, Meg and Aloyd walked up carrying wine. We asked if we could get them some chairs and Meg said,"Just glasses and a corkscrew." Six adults sitting on the porch drinking alcohol and eating chili. You could almost feel the envy of the parents out with their children.
There were so many cute kids. It made my ovaries ache. When teenagers came up who didn't bother putting on a costume, we gave them a Payday since that was the worst candy bar we had. At one point an unmarked white van drove through the street. Drew was like, "That's totally not shady at all while children are roaming the streets." Woody called it The Kidcatcher.
After the festivities, we watched the Cavs be terrible. Then we watched "Rent", but Drew muted the parts he thought were too sad. This morning he told me that he was glad that Diane and I weren't intravenous drug users so that we wouldn't get AIDS. That's our Drew: equal parts sweet and weird.
Tell me funny Halloween stories.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
It feels like a multiple post day again
Did everyone watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" last night? I did. And I realized two things about Charlie Brown TV specials:
1. I turn into a 5 year old while watching them because they make me so happy and
2. They make no sense.
Oh and 3. Those kids are ridiculously mean to Charlie Brown. If that were really happening to a kid in this day and age, I'd give him 3 years before he loses his shit and opens fire on his school. Come on, kids, look at Charlie Brown. He has it way worse than you, and he doesn't turn to violence. He just goes to counseling. Only 10 cents.
1. I turn into a 5 year old while watching them because they make me so happy and
2. They make no sense.
Oh and 3. Those kids are ridiculously mean to Charlie Brown. If that were really happening to a kid in this day and age, I'd give him 3 years before he loses his shit and opens fire on his school. Come on, kids, look at Charlie Brown. He has it way worse than you, and he doesn't turn to violence. He just goes to counseling. Only 10 cents.
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