Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Day marching orders

Thanksgiving is in 2 days even though by my internal clock it feels like it should still be July of like 2007.  This Thanksgiving is a big one, you guys.  Sure it's my nephew's first, but that's not really what I'm talking about. 

This duties have been upgraded.

As you know, in past years my sister and I have been assigned "the relish tray".  Pickles, olives.  This is the extent of my mother's trust.  Two years ago my sister got called up to the majors-dessert.  At that time, I imagined a day I would be allowed near the kitchen in order to do more than just stir the gravy.  That day has come.  This year's assignment:

Green bean casserole

I don't need to tell you that this means a recipe, ingredients, oven time.  This is it, you guys. 

Now, is it true that I will be making this at my parents' house with my mother 3 feet away?  Yes.  As Johnny Virgil said, "It's like you're skydiving with the instructor attached to your back."  Actually it's more like I'm just in one of those wind machines, attached to the ceiling by wires with a picture of a sky in the background.  But no matter, there is an oven involved.  The threat of injury still exists and the threat of ruining a Thanksgiving dish still exists...kind of.  But not really. 

By the way, I already had to call my mom from the grocery store to ask her about buying the right kind of green beans.  Oh yeah.  I'm ready.

Everyone wish me luck.  Oh and while you're at it have a wonderful Thanksgiving full of love and family and friends and well made green bean casserole.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Living by the sword

So Steph writes letters.  I've told you that before, I think.  It's what she does.  Whether it's to commend or to complain, she's just a letter-writer.  I'm just saying the mayor might have a file on her.  She is also a Cavs season ticket holder.  The Cavs have a new sound effect when you're in the arena.  They play it after a free throw is made.  The sound is two swords being rubbed together.  And yes-I mean that literally.  It is not a euphemism, but I forgive you for automatically assuming that because I totally giggled as I typed it out. 
Anyway, I don't go to a lot of Cavs games even though I adore them.  I'm just more of a football kind of girl. So I haven't heard this noise, but apparently it is awful.  According to Steph and Meg it's really a piercing, grating-on-the-ears horror of a noise, like nails on a chalkboard.  They actually found themselves kind of hoping the Cavs would not make free throws. 

So after the game, Steph sent the Cavs an email.  I have not received permission to reprint the email.  Nor have I received permission to tell this story which is why after I hit 'Publish' I am leaving the country and assuming a new identity.  Anyway, she sent them an email explaining her love for the Cavs and the issues she had with the sound effect.  She even offered up some suggestions for different sounds that could replace the swords, such as the battle cry of a cavalier.  Obviously we all know what that sounds like.  I am always imitating the battle cry of a cavalier.  Question: The battle cry of a cavalier is screaming the lyrics to "Club Can't Handle Me" by Flo Rida while sitting in rush hour traffic, right?

Anyway, she sent this email, and the Cavs emailed her back that night!  They thanked her for her great feedback and explained that they would be playing with the volume and the richness of the sound.  Then they called her the next day and told her to let them know how the changes work.  If they don't, they want to know so they can come up with some new sound effects.  Okay first of all, hell yeah, Cavs organization.  Way to listen to the fans and take this stuff seriously.  You are awesome.  Second of all, Steph wrote an email to the Cavs, and they called her.

After telling us this story, Steph said, "I guess it's true-the pen is mightier than the sword."  Then I punched her in the face.  No actually I cried laughing because now that I am really old, I love cheesy jokes and people saying things that are a play on words. 

I guess I need to start writing letters.  I kind of thought posting it on the Internet on a site that as many as 6 people read would do it, but apparently not.  The Cavs have never written me.

I am too lazy to do a segue so...

What the eff is up with The Office lately?  Is it just me or is it stinking up the fake TV world that I pretend is real because I need professional help?  It's really been disappointing.  And I am really sad about it.  Am I the only one who thinks this?  Come on, Office!  Don't you remember Shun-Unshun?  The beet farm bed and breakfast?  Let's get back to the funny!


Monday, November 08, 2010

I'm in love

Big news in the Okay Seriously world.  Big.  Huge.  Right, Pretty Woman?  Please meet my new best friend, Trevor:

Those of you who follow my Twitter feed know that Trevor is my new nephew.  We can still call him Thunder, though.  In fact, when I sent out my baby announcement text to everyone, my friend AJ wrote:  "You could say Aunt Sarah has been thunder struck!"  Awesome.

Some facts about Trevor:

- He was born on Friday, November 5th.

- He was 7lb 7oz and 21 inches long.

- He likes his hands up by his face and one in his mouth.

- He poops a lot.

- He was born via c-section.

- He chowed down within about 20 minutes of being born, proving he is Drew's son.

- He was born on the 55th anniversary of the day Dr. Emmett Brown invented time travel.

- He is the cutest baby in the entire universe.

My sister handled labor like a champ-and a sailor.  Lots of swearing, people.  It was hard watching her in so much pain but hilarious every time she yelled "motherfucker!"  One time, mid-contraction, she stopped and yelled at me for eating an unhealthy breakfast.  The epidural they gave her made her so happy.  After a few hours of labor, though, it was clear Trevor was in some distress as his heartrate kept dropping.  So they took her back and got him out which was good because the cord was around his neck.  When he came out and they set him down, he immediately grabbed the clamp that was laying near him.

Diane and Drew didn't cry that much.  I cried about 17 times.  But seriously can you blame me?  Look at him!  He's perfect!

I mean for real.  So this was my entire weekend.  Aunt Sarah in poor Trev's face taking picture after picture.  I'm so happy, you guys, I don't even know what to do. 

Welcome to the world, little Trevor.  You've been blessed with two awesome parents and lots of family who all love you and will do anything for you.  I can't wait to watch you grow up and discover all the new and exciting things there are to see.  Especially hair bands.  This is going to be fun.

P.S.  Don't forget everybody-Conan is back tomorrow.  It's too much happiness for me to capture in one post.  Diane is very excited that Trevor was born right around the time of Conan's "rebirth".

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Happy Halloween! How the hell is it November already!

Please guess what's happening in this picture:

That would be my brother-in-law, Drew, bobbing for apples.  "But Drew's not 10", you're saying.  I know, I know.  But Saturday was Suz and AJ's annual Halloween party, and Suz has wanted to do bobbing for apples for the past 5 years, and AJ has talked her out of it.  But she finally got her way this year, and I can honestly say my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard.  Watching your friends bob for apples should be its own workout regimen. 

You're probably wondering why it looks like Drew is wearing pajamas.  He is dressed as a bowling pin.  My sister, obviously, was a bowling ball. 

As you know, for the past three years I have won the Halloween trivia contest at this party thus drawing the ire and jealousy of my friends/sore losers.  However, Saturday I woke up feeling different.  I knew it was over.  And I was right.  I did not win the trivia contest.  I happily passed my torch of victory to our friend Tony.  Then I quietly told him to watch his back while walking to his car later that night.  Despite my loss, I tied for second place in the costume contest and won a prize.  Also my friend Tom had to leave early, and he said if he won anything he wanted me to have his prize.  What I'm trying to say is, for someone who lost, I sure brought home a lot of prizes.  How does that feel, friends?  Even when I lose, I win.  Eat it.

My costume?  I was a deviled egg.  I don't have a picture of me in the costume, but here it is on my living room floor:

I put some small pieces of red tissue paper on the "yolk" to be the paprika, and then this whole thing went over my head like a sandwich board.  This is a pretty sexy costume. 

Halloween night we handed out candy on my sister's front lawn...and on the news.  Yes.  We were on the news.  They were on my sister's street getting shots of little kids in their costumes.  Then the cameraman came over and set up his tripod on the corner of my sister's lawn and pointed the camera at us.  I didn't actually see the footage which is totally fine with me seeing as I was wearing a dorky Halloween sweatshirt that I have had for 15 years (seriously) and was stuffed into like 3 layers of clothing making me look like I weighed 500 pounds.  When I got to work today there was an email from a coworker that was sent to my entire team.  The subject line was "Sarah was on the news.  In a horrible sweatshirt."  Okay I made up that second sweatshirt line.  Thank God I didn't have on my usual headband with the light up pumpkins.

Oh also...

That is ALoyd's devil tail.  ALoyd, I just put your ass on the Internet.