Friday, December 23, 2011

Season's Eatings (is a hilarious thing to say)

I can't believe all the people who still read this.  I feel so lucky!  I will make you all a your own beer mug hand painted by me.  Oh no?  You don't want that?  Shocking.

I just wanted to get on here and wish everyone very happy holidays no matter what holiday you're celebrating.  As you know this is my favorite time of year even though I currently have some sort of stomach virus, and I can feel it rolling the dice trying to decide which end it's going to purge from.  Let's just say there are no winners in that game.

My goal for this holiday season is to practice patience and compassion as those seem to be getting lost these days.  Especially when some ahole in the parking lot decides that even though I started backing out first, he will back out as well and try to go faster to beat me and then I will have to slam on my brakes and my purse will fall off the seat onto the floor and of course it's open so everything spills out which may or may not have happened to me this morning and I may or may not have had to talk myself down from a homicidal rage because Christmas.  Patience.  Compassion.  Let's all try it together.

I hope everyone has the best Christmas ever and/or the best weekend ever.  Remember it's about family and friends and love and graciousness and humility and getting me an iPad.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Let's catch up

Whew.  I think I've finally recovered from Sausage Fest.  I only needed like 5 months. 
So...I guess I have some 'splainin to do.  All I can say is that I reached a point where I needed time away from my computer every night.  That sounds incredibly lame, but it's the truth.  I was running out of steam and needed a breather.  Sorry to leave you all (all 3 of you) hanging.  I realize no one is probably even going to check this, but I'm gonna go for it anyway. 

How do I come back after 5 months?  I honestly have no idea where to start.  How about a quick recap of what I've been up to?

- Went to the Solstice party at the Cleveland Art Museum where we spent 90% of the night in the free photo booth taking ridiculous pictures of ourselves wearing weird props.

- NKOTBSB concert in Detroit.  My review of the concert:  Dreams were realized.  Lives were changed.

- NKOTBSB concert in Cleveland.  My review of the concert:  Holy fucking shit I love NKOTBSB.  Also Mr. Schuester from "Glee" opened, and he introduced one of his songs by saying that he wrote it one night on tour while he was thinking about where Matthew Morrison ends and Will Schuester begins and his ensuing identity crisis.  Literally the greatest, most ridiculous intro to a song ever.

- Cleveland Wine Festival where we made new friends at the dive bar afterward, and I broke my rule about never doing shots while not at a wedding reception.  So worth it, though.  Chocolate Covered Pretzel shot.  DO IT RIGHT NOW.

- Krusty's.  Oh man I love Krusty's.

- Debbie Gibson/Tiffany concert.  BE. LIEVE. IT. I have no words for how awesome this was.  I'll just say this:

- Our beloved Chicken Noodle and Katie left us for greener pastures but not before we got to go out and get drunk with his hot Coast Guard buddies.

- Def Leppard/Heart concert.  No I didn't go to any concerts for current bands, if you're wondering.

- Cheered on my friends at a triathlon benefitting United Cerebral Palsy of Greater Cleveland and did not cry like a little girl as my friend, who is the mother of a 3 year old with CP, crossed the finish line like you guys did.  Wusses.

- Went to California to be in my friend Squirt's wedding and do some sightseeing and GO SEE CONAN O'BRIEN TAPE LIVE!!!  Check it:

- Went to the Browns home opener where they did a touching 9/11 tribute then immediately followed it with Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart."

- Got LASIK.  Say whaaaat?  It's true, you guys.  I finally did it.  I got my eyeballs shaved.  It was totally insane but totally worth it.  I'm Claritin clear now and can be one of those people who brag about having 20/20 vision even though it's a really weird thing to brag about.  Also I got some hot Maxine sunglasses out of it.  This is what I was promised, according to their web site:

Here's the reality:

This is my normal way of saying I'm still single.  Also I still use MS Paint.  Badly.

- Drew's little sister got married.  What you need to know about that wedding:

Yeah that's pressed ham.  And also:

That would be Matt's and my gourd fort, created in a brilliant attempt to protect our drinks from thieves.  You know because it was an open bar so people would definitely need to steal our drinks.  P.S. We also ended up accidentally telling our cab driver that we were going to take him to the forest and kill him.  I'm so sorry, cab driver!

- Paint your own barware class.  Basically we got a Groupon for going to this class where they give you a beer mug or wine glass and you paint on it with glass paint.  Steph, Diane, Drew and I went and, to be frank, we are not what you would call "talented at art."  Every other person there?  Talented at art.  We realized this once we were done and started walking around the room to see what everyone else was painting, and we noticed there were actual artists in the room.
Here's what a couple of our classmates did:

Here's what I did:

No seriously I made that.  Your 10 year old niece didn't.  By the way, my theme was "My Favorite Things" and yes that is a vodka bottle.  Also in keeping in line with the theme, I put a picture of a TV on my glass, and I tried to write "Friends" on it since I love that show.  Well I didn't leave enough room so the instructor told me to stagger the letters.  Here's how it turned out:

Yeah.  That says Red Fins.  Those are Z's at the bottom, symbolizing my love of sleep.  ARTIST.

- Halloween:

This won me first prize in the costume contest, baby!  And is my 2011 Christmas card. My parents must be really proud.  This is how I imagine conversations with their friends go:

Friend:  So our 30 year old son James and his wife bought a new 3,000 square foot house.  They just needed more room with baby number 3 on the way.  Luckily, James got that promotion to VP a couple months ago so the added expense won't be a big deal.
My mom: Our 35 year old daughter dressed up as a Christmas tree.  With working lights.


- Vegas, baby!  Yeah we went to Vegas...and got the stomach flu.  What happens in Vegas, stays in the Vegas sewer system because I puked into several of its toilets.
- Thanksgiving

- 35 (ugh...eff you, 35.  Do you guys remember when you were 11 and 35 was insanely old?  That is what my actual age is right now.)

- Girls' Christmas which ended with me taking my wine-soaked Christmas socks home in a Ziploc.

This is all in addition to clam bakes, birthdays, dinner parties, wine parties, charity events, baby showers, book clubs, football game parties, etc.  But most of my time is eaten up by this:

I can't put into words what a joy Trevor is.  Being an aunt is a dream, and life is just better with him around.

So...what are you guys up to?