I wish I was always drinking wine

So last night 7 of us girls went to Flight School. It's not flight school in the traditional sense where we learn how to fly planes and have sex with Maverick to Berlin's "Take My Breath Away". It was a wine tasting at a local wine bar. They gave us 6 wines and paired them up with a 6 course meal. Of course it wasn't the size of an actual meal, but it was still a lot of food, and it. was. delicious. The lady who was presenting the wine to us and telling us all about them was explaining why the food was paired with each wine, and can I just say that I simply do not get it at all. I will never be someone who can pair food with wine. But it's a real science, and it was so interesting hearing about why the food was chosen with that particular wine. I think the hardest part for me was that they sat the wine in front of us for a full 15 minutes before we could drink it. Every 10 seconds or so I would reach out to drink and then remember it wasn't time. It was like being a 7 year old on Christmas and looking at all your presents and not being allowed to open them. In a word: excruciating.

I was thinking about how I would do if I tried to have my own Flight School where I paired wine and food. I think it would go something like this:

Course 1: Franzia Sunset Blush paired with honey roasted peanuts

Course 2: Target Wine Cube Pinot Grigio paired with Spaghetti-o's and Meatballs

Course 3: Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill paired with Cheez-Its

Course 4: Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot paired with Cocoa Puffs

Course 5: That riesling that's been in my fridge since last summer paired with Salt and Vinegar Pringles

Course 6: John Christ Special Blend paired with me passing out on my face in the backyard

Who's in?

Are you kidding me

I was just presented with a pin at work for 10 years of service. So I'm gonna go jump off the roof. If you see me laying on the sidewalk just make sure I'm not laying in pigeon poop.

Ouch

I wanted to post about my weekend this morning, but I was too busy getting raped at the gas station. Seriously what is going on? I have never cared about the price of gas. You know those people who are like, "Gas went up two tenths of a cent today so I went 7 miles away because it's four tenths of a cent less.". Yeah I don't like those people. I never even paid any attention to it because I need gas no matter what so why get my panties all in a bunch (yeah I just said panties in a bunch). But now that I need to take out a home equity loan to pay for it, I'm paying attention. And I'll tell you what: my ass hurts.

Weekend post to come. It includes a wedding and a lounge singer. That's all I'm saying.

A multiple choice question for you

Last Wednesday I did which of the following things:

A. Went to the mall and bought 5 new dresses.
B. Went home and watched TV while eating Salt & Vinegar Pringles.
C. Got up out of bed and immediately fell over.
D. Went to get a drink with Diane, Matt, Steph and Meg before the Cavs game, decided to go to a bar with a bunch of people to watch the Cavs game, got sloppy drunk, went to Keith's house, proceeded to kick John and Keith's ass, along with my teammate Dan, at Shout About Movies and then talked about "The Hills"-with 2 men-until midnight.

If you guessed D, you are absolutely right and know me pretty well. I had every intention of getting one drink with Diane and going home. But dammit-John told me to go to Old Angle, and I just couldn't say no. Some things you should know:

1. Dan and I are awesome at Shout About Movies. Like sickenly awesome. Keith and John weren't even close to catching up to us the whole time. We will own anyone who challenges us.

2. I hate "The Hills". I hate it. But after the game Keith was like, "Oh I know what we should do now." and then put on "The Hills" and Dan yelled, "Oh my God is this the new one!?" and then they both morphed into 14 year old girls-or my sister and Steph. Also we watched Heidi's music video on YouTube and Spencer raps in it, and it was so bad, I felt violated after watching it.

3. I did A on Saturday. You know what people who are in debt should do? Buy 5 dresses in one day.

4. I did B...pretty much every day of my life.

5. I did C Thursday morning following D. Obviously.

Just no, Ryan Reynolds

We need to talk about the entertainment world, folks. First of all, go see "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It was so funny and charming and gross in the best possible way. I couldn't love Jason Segel more if he was just a giant Sour Patch Kid. He's my favorite character on How I Met Your Mother, he's obviously a talented writer, he's cute, funny and self deprecating and he's writing the next Muppets movie. I'm pretty sure he should be my boyfriend.

Um...I don't want to even address the Ryan Reynolds-Scarlett Johansson engagement. What are you doing, Ryan? I'm just going to assume this will be a repeat of the Alanis engagement. How many girls will you propose to until you realize I am the one for you? I know that one paragraph ago, I had another boyfriend. But don't let that scare you off. I can handle both of you.

Now...we need to talk about Lost because I am finally caught up. *Spoilers ahead* So I'm just not sure where to start. First of all, Sawyer doesn't get off the island? What!? And it was his choice? What is going on! Plus how cute was he when he was all protective of Hurley and Claire. SO cute. When he saved Claire from the explosion and then she woke up he was like, "Are you okay, sweetheart?" and I was like, "I think I would pay good money just to have him call me 'sweetheart'."

The beginning of the last episode with Jack and Kate was AMAZING. I was so happy I was squealing with delight. First he was shirtless. Then he was all in hot dad mode. Then he was making out with Kate. It was fantastic. But, of course, just like every other episode of this show, no one is allowed to just be happy. By the end of the episode they had taken it all away from me. Sometimes I really hate you, writers! Oh but obviously Jack knew Aaron was related to him so when will he find out that he and Claire are brother and sister!? I want to see it!! Plus seriously what is the deal between Ben and Penny's dad? Is this just a game to them or something? And if Ben kills Penny and takes her away from Desmond, I will personally smack each of the writers right in the face. Damn you, Lost. Why are you so awesome.

Please don't be mad I posted this, JV

My favorite recipe ever. Sent to me by Johnnie Virgil Friday night (this is verbatim):

Recipep

4oz valilla vodka
3ozcocnuts rum
2 oz pineappl juce
1oz rose slime juice
Shakeit up and garnish slice of lime
Drink alotof the%m
Relly good and superrnaturl was good too

Drunk texting is maybe my favorite thing in the universe.

No...effing...way

I think my favorite part of The Office last night was when my DVR cut out after 7 minutes. I literally didn't know what to do when it stopped. It was during the scene when Dwight and Andy were in the parking lot and Dwight was trying to buy Andy's car I think. I was still laughing uncontrollably about this line that had just happened:

Michael to Toby: You're so white.

Then it just stopped, and I was frozen in uncertainty about my next step.

Is this really happening? How do I...? What do I...? Someone help me!

But alas there was no help. I saw 7 minutes of The Office. Luckily my sister and Drew are like me and save the episodes so I will be immediately going to their house to watch it. Diane and Drew, if you for some unknown reason deleted this episode, we are no longer family.

P.S. Billboard seen on my way into work today: "Toilet water vs. Ice cubes. Get the dirty details tonight at 6."

I don't got a motorboat but I can float your boat

Okay I started this post before midnight so I'm counting it as posting yesterday.

The Sunday before last I went down to Columbus to see my friends Kim and Mike and their awesome 11 month old baby, Carson. I'm not kidding when I say he is the cutest child you have ever seen. I got to feed him and tickle him and pretend like I was going to eat his hands and feet and he blew me kisses, and it was the greatest thing ever. It was all I could do to not shove him in my duffle bag and smuggle him home. (I'm just kidding, Kim-I would never steal your baby. Probably.)

Sunday night Kim and I went to see Billy Joel in concert. It was amazing. He is amazing. He sounds just as awesome now as he did 30 years ago. His piano skills are incredible, and he was funny and told stories and sang "Hang on Sloopy". It was glorious, and I almost cried during "Just the Way You Are". I cannot hear Billy Joel without instantly thinking of my parents and my childhood. It's funny how some songs are so ingrained in your memories.

Speaking of music, a little while ago someone suggested I do a post about the top 20 most played songs on my iPod. I looked this up yesterday. I have no idea how accurate this is because some of my favorite songs say that I've only listened to them like 3 times. But whatever. I am surprised by these results because there is like no 80's music. What is that about? Who am I? I don't even recognize myself.

By the way, I just added new songs to my iPod tonight so after this week I fully expect songs from the new Weepies album to be on this list. They aren't everyone's style (folk), but I am obsessed with them and they're new album is fantastic.

1. Friday Night Lights theme song. What? Seriously? The theme song to a television show is the most played song on your iPod, Sarah? Yes. Yes it is. Would it be my iPod otherwise? I don't think I need to remind all of you how much I love "Friday Night Lights" and how much you are missing out on if you don't watch it. The theme song is so pretty, and it reminds me of the show, and I get goosebumps every time I listen to it so I just play it over and over again. God I love you, FNL.

2. One Day - Trading Yesterday. This band used to have an album out, but now they don't or it's discontinued or I don't know. It's all very complicated. I don't remember how I got this song, but I'm sure it was obtained legally. The lead singer of this band used to be in Evanescence and then he dated Kelly Clarkson and when they broke up she wrote the song "Never Again" about him. Incidentally, no song ever sung by Kelly Clarkson now or in the future will be as good as "Since U Been Gone". I'm going on record with that.

3. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional. Um...this song is glorious. Absolutely glorious.

4. Best Days - Matt White. So this song is from Shrek 3. I know. But it is so good and reminds me of summer. You can't help but bob your head along to the beat.

5. Solid - Dandy Warhols. The Dandy Warhols are really weird, but this song is so fun. It's the theme song from a short-lived show called "Undeclared" that was on in 2004. My sister and I loved that show. It was hysterical. It was Judd Apatow's second TV series after "Freaks and Geeks" and Seth Rogen was in it and Marshall from "How I Met Your Mother". If you are ever looking for something to watch, rent the series. It's clever.

6. I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty. I listen to this song at least once a day so it should probably be at the top, but I will accept it at number 6. You should really buy the whole Haughty Melodic album because it's awesome, but at the very least please download this song and bask in its amazingness. He says the word "snost" as the past tense of "snooze"!...!!!

7. Anticipating - Britney Spears. This was not one of Brit's released singles, but I cannot get enough of it. When I listen to it, in my head I choreograph a dance to the chorus. Maybe I will bring the dance out at Dance Dance Party Party someday. Although there is no way I will actually be able to do the dance in person as well as I do it in my head. In my head, I belong on Dancing with the Stars. In real life, I belong on a short bus.

8. The Man - Pete Yorn. Go listen to this song. It is fantastic.

9. Card House Dreamer - This Providence. I'm seeing a pattern here. Most of these songs are fun for me to dance to in my car.

10. Love Song - Sara Bareilles. You guys, I've been listening to this song since way before they started overplaying it on the radio. But I am still obsessed with it. Buy this girl's album. Her voice is phenomenal.

11. Can't Get Away - Third Eye Blind. How can you not love a song that goes, "Ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba".

12. Theme song from "Silver Spoons". Um. I don't know what to say here. Except for you and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...we're gonna find our way.

13. Mine Again - Black Lab. This song is so pretty. Every girl has an ex she wishes would sing this song to her.

14. Weight of the World - Chantal Kreviazuk. I love Chantal Kreviazuk with all of my being. Plus she is married to the lead singer of Our Lady Peace. Has there ever been a cooler couple?

15. I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin. One of the greatest songs ever in my humble opinion or IMHO as the kids say. I've said it before, Johnny Virgil's said it before, Andrew McMahon is a genius. JM has a new album coming out in June, and now I understand the Star Wars nerds' motivation for wanting to stand in line for movie tickets.

16. The Frug - Rilo Kiley. Any song that says "I can do the Robocop" is a-okay with me.

17. Shut Your Eyes - Shout Out Louds. Seriously every song I listen to is fun to dance to in my car. Well then how come I have so much road rage in the morning? I should be the happiest person on the road. Maybe I would be if it wasn't for all the assholes driving around me.

18. The Way I Are - Timbaland. I dare you not to dance to this song. Why is Timbaland so awesome?

19. More Than a Feeling - Boston. Obviously. I sound awesome singing this song. I mean I can't really hear myself because I have the music turned up so loud, but I bet I sound awesome. Plus I probably look cool to people driving by me.

20. Bad Reputation - Freedy Johnston. You guys, this song came out in like 1994 or something, and it wasn't even all that popular I don't think, but I have loved it ever since. I tend to rewind it over and over. Not rewind. Repeat. I'm not listening to it on a cassette player. Even though I do own the cassette.

Okay now you guys tell me what you are listening to.

Still alive

I swear to baby Jesus I am going to post today. I just have to go kick some ass up on the 6th floor of my building then I'm on it.

Flying the friendly bars

So Scott and I were just discussing my single status and how annoying it is. For those of you that don't know, my ex and the reason this blog was even started in the first place, B, and I met on an airplane. Not a normal way to meet someone, but it was fun and interesting and would've made for a great story if he hadn't turned out to be a Cleveland-and-Sarah-abandoner. So this is what Scott just wrote me:

"Hey! Maybe you need to take a couple of random flights. That has worked for you in the past. SouthWest has a $29 special right now. Get a flight from here to Chicago, then from there to Des Moines, then to Topeka, then to Dallas, then Oklahoma City, then to Nashville, back to Cleveland. That's like $180 - but also like 7 different singles bars."

I love Scott.