As usual the weather on Krusty's day was beautiful. It's like the universe knows how important that day is so it makes sure the weather is perfect. I was worried about getting weird tan lines right before I had to wear a strapless dress for Sharda's wedding so I brought like 20 kinds of sunscreen and put it on all of one time. Really if you take away the binge drinking, I was like the mom at Krusty's. In addition to the sunscreen, I brought hand sanitizer, Wet Ones, Aleve, toilet paper, paper towels, Off, Starburst and grapes-because "we need to eat some fruit".
Steph had to leave Krusty's pretty early on. The reason? She had to throw up. The reason? She was too hungover from the night before. Come on, Steph! Getting drunk the night before Krusty's? That's a rookie move. But also...hilarious.
Meg's brother taught us a new drinking game that you play with cards, and I drank so much within the first few minutes that I was actually scared. After we played it twice, Meg took a deep breath and said, "Maybe we should play something else." Look I know some of you don't know Meg, but if Meg thinks a drinking game is excessive then it's about 20 times more excessive than the normal person can handle.
Drew and Steph made up another game. There was a woman near us playing some game involving tossing. Unfortunately, the dress she was wearing didn't offer a lot of coverage, and when she would toss, sometimes her boob would pop out. For real. We were only at Krusty's for like a half hour when we first noticed. So obviously Drew and Steph immediately made the rule that any time they saw a boob, they took two drinks. Then more rules were added: drinks for seeing someone's underwear or butt cleavage, etc. We're pretty classy people who don't tell others when their body parts are hanging out. I'm just saying if you're ever in Cleveland, and you happen to notice that your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose or something, chances are good we are nearby drinking "in your honor".
I want to interject here and just say that my sister, who as you all know is pregnant, went to Krusty's despite not being able to drink and lasted all day long. She is a rock star. For real.
Music can make or break a party, and the bands this year were awesome. Lt. Dan's New Legs was absolutely fantastic, and if you get the chance to see them, do it. I was a dancing machine, and I only got beer spilled on me like 11 times. I also got hit in the head with a beach ball like 72 times. Can we just talk about the beach ball at concerts thing real quick? Why is this fun? Why must I spend my time-the time I am currently using to watch a band that I paid money to see-looking out for beach balls flying at my head. I didn't come here to "kind of" play volleyball. Just no, people. No. Moving on...
Later in the afternoon I made new friends: Becky and Laura. Becky and Laura happen to be readers of this blog (or used to be-I haven't been here in a while), and they are awesome. Laura's brother works at Krusty's every year which is amazing. Also one year at Krusty's Becky broke her arm*. That is hardcore, you guys. When you compare it to the two nails I broke this year, I really come off as a giant pussy. You guys, that is not a nice word. But it is funny. Anyway, Becky and Laura are so nice and they came up to talk to me, and I immediately talked their ear off with stories that they have already read on the blog because let's face it-there's not much more to me. Then I became uber creepy and made them exchange phone numbers with me. I have trouble with boundaries. Sorry, girls. I am a talker and only slightly creepy when I'm sober, but it all gets magnified like tenfold when I'm drunk. You girls are awesome, and I'm really glad I met you. Great Northern rules (we talked about Great Northern, right?).
Since we had Prego with us, we didn't need to take a cab to the bar afterward. Pregnancy seems fun. Not drinking and driving your drunk friends around. Anyway, we still played Cash Cab because that's what we do. Matt used his iPhone to look up facts and then quizzed us on them. We got none of them right. After we missed 3, Meg goes, "Oh we lose. I guess we have to get out of the car." Then Diane suddenly pulled over and stopped the car and told us to get out. There was riotous laughter followed by nervous laughter when she stayed pulled over and stared at us without saying anything just a little too long. However, she didn't make us walk, though I wouldn't have blamed her if she did.
At the bar, Matt and I were standing at the bar so we could ask for more milk to be added to our White Russians (we are wimps) while everyone else was at a table behind us. Matt and I decided we wanted food. I had what I considered to be the greatest idea ever just then. I was afraid if I ordered food for the two of us, everyone else would try to eat it. So I ordered like $30 worth of food for the table to distract them while Matt and I at our mozzarella sticks and french fries which cost maybe $8. At the time, I was like, "This is literally the best use of money ever." The next day I was like, "Wait...whatthefuck?" At some point later in night, Drew and Diane left-not because she was 6 months pregnant and tired, but because Drew was so wasted he needed to get to bed. Meg also suddenly had to go so she could "get to Taco Bell before they closed". She was so worried about not making it there so she left, and we looked at our watches. It was 9:35. Hey when you are old and you day drink, you are in bed by 11. Which is why day drinking is amazing.
One thing I did not do this year: lift up the skirt part of my skorts. I am growing, you guys. Maturing. Tomorrow I tell you about how I did Karate Kid dance moves at Sharda's wedding.
*I'm almost positive it was her arm, but as I wrote it I was thinking, 'Wait was it her foot?'