Insert Charlie Sheen joke here

Hey does anyone know if anything horrible is happening in the world?  I haven't had my fill of depressing news the past couple of weeks.  Seriously between Japan (please, please, please donate anything you can possibly spare to help them) and Charlie Sheen which at first was hilarious then turned uncomfortable then really sad when we all realized his kids were still living with him, I could really use a drink or 10.  Thank God St. Patrick's Day is only 2 days away.  I really need to be able to bury my head in the sand and drink away all the pain happening in the world and wear glitter shamrocks and drink midori sours and be considered festive rather than a weirdo like usual.  Note: midori sours are awesome.

Other things I can use to distract me:

Wine party at Meg's house - Saturday we're going to Meg's to drink wine because she basically buys wine by the gross and then realizes she needs to have people over to drink it.  I am totally fine with this habit of hers.  This is exactly how we were all invited via text message:  "Wine, meatloaf, chix noodle on news party.  Meg's place.  March 19 @ 7pm."  Some explanation: Our friend Chicken Noodle (yes) was on the news (yes). 

Tax return - Seriously I better get a tax return this year.  I need it to fund my campaign to stop the remake of "Short Circuit" from happening. Because what. the. fuck. That's not even the right story.  A little kid from a broken family?  Um hello-ET already did it.  And better.  Plus-no offensive Indian stereotype?  No Ally Sheedy?  No GUTTENBERG!?  Go to hell, Hollywood!  And so help me God if some young girl with a symbol in her name or a young guy with girl hair takes a break from filming their Disney or Nickelodeon show to remake El Debarge's "Who's Johnny", I...I don't even...someone will die.  I mean that's the only logical conclusion.  Someone will have to die.

March Madness - This is it, you guys. This is my year. I am going to win the whole damn thing. Then I will write a poem about how awesome I am as opposed to how angry I am. I will probably still talk about hookers and taking it up the butt, though. I want my parents to be proud of me.

And lastly...

Greatest email ever?

Greatest email ever.