It's...pretty obvious I haven't really slept in a few days

- How was everyone's New Moon Day? I've decided the opening day of all Twilight movies should probably be their own holiday. Obviously 14 of us girls (all over 30) went Friday-the day it opened. We bought our tickets like 3 weeks in advance (sad), went right at 5:30 which means most of us left work early-if we went to work at all which Renee and I didn't (sad) and then most of us got there 45 minutes early and stood in a line until they would let us in the theater (sad).

Kim and I were the first ones through the ticket taker so we made our way to the theater to save seats. 11 and 12 year olds went rushing by us in a blur. They were already squealing. It really was so cute. I remember when I used to be THAT excited about things: Kirk Cameron, Michael J. Fox, NKOTB, Twilight. Okay fine I still get THAT excited. Whatever shut up.

We picked a good time to go because it was too early for most high school kids. Since I am a crabby old lady, I hate going to movies with high school kids because they are obnoxious. This crabbiness also tends to result in me making sweeping, unfair generalizations. But seriously. Shush it, high school kids. We're trying to listen and some of us are hard of hearing because we were blasting Def Leppard on the way here. Damn kids and their sexting.

Our theater was mostly junior high aged girls who took pictures of the movie screen whenever Edward or Jacob was in a close up (seriously), other women our age (holla!) and one group of 3 high school boys with a mom who sat in the back. Awesome. Be proud of your Twilight love, boys.

I loved the movie. It's not for everyone, of course, but I loved it. I am not going to get into any discussion about its sexist nature and the negative message it may or may not be sending to our young females because blabity blah blah. It's an effing vampire/werewolf movie. Young girls already have a weird idea of what love is because, well, they are kids and they are girls. Fact: In junior high and high school you will experience infatuation with another person. And it will own you and make you dumb and then crush you and you will think you are going to die (I am looking at you, DL). When you're that age, it's the absolute most important thing that will ever happen to you ever. Then you grow up, realize there are more important things, and you can appreciate the books and the movies on a different level-for entertainment value. And for ogling.

Let's just get this out of the way: Taylor Lautner is beautiful. He's a beautiful, gorgeous man-boy. I spent literally the entire movie lusting after him and trying not to feel guilty about it. I have questions. How is that kid only 17? Why does he make me think dirty things about him when I know he has only been driving for 1 year? When does he turn 18? Why am I so creepy? The first scene in the movie where he takes his shirt off is so ridiculous and contrived, and instead of laughing-the appropriate response-I was like, "Take me to jail." Please more. More of him.

Oh also-and this is really just secondary-I thought his acting was superb. I was a little worried, but he did a great job. So did his abs. Okay we need to switch topics before I accidently break a law or something.

-Please watch The Muppets singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" immediately. You will not be sorry.

- I hate myself for liking Chris Brown's new song. I haven't purchased it and have no plans to. But it's really good. And I am having many conflicting thoughts. Man this post is full of angst. Just like high school (dammit, DL).

- Now that Oprah is retiring, I really feel like it's time I got my own talk show. Basically it would be me sitting on a couch offering everyone Salt & Vinegar Pringles while we gossip about how Josh Duhamel TOTALLY cheated on Fergie (right?) and then I interview Shia LaBeouf about why he's only been in 3 movies this year and we end the show by singing the theme song to "Growing Pains" (I sing the boy part, you sing the girl part). What the hell just happened here. I just completely lost it, right? I wrote that sentence without even thinking, and now I'm scared.

Hold me.