Monday, December 19, 2011

Let's catch up

Whew.  I think I've finally recovered from Sausage Fest.  I only needed like 5 months. 
So...I guess I have some 'splainin to do.  All I can say is that I reached a point where I needed time away from my computer every night.  That sounds incredibly lame, but it's the truth.  I was running out of steam and needed a breather.  Sorry to leave you all (all 3 of you) hanging.  I realize no one is probably even going to check this, but I'm gonna go for it anyway. 

How do I come back after 5 months?  I honestly have no idea where to start.  How about a quick recap of what I've been up to?

- Went to the Solstice party at the Cleveland Art Museum where we spent 90% of the night in the free photo booth taking ridiculous pictures of ourselves wearing weird props.

- NKOTBSB concert in Detroit.  My review of the concert:  Dreams were realized.  Lives were changed.

- NKOTBSB concert in Cleveland.  My review of the concert:  Holy fucking shit I love NKOTBSB.  Also Mr. Schuester from "Glee" opened, and he introduced one of his songs by saying that he wrote it one night on tour while he was thinking about where Matthew Morrison ends and Will Schuester begins and his ensuing identity crisis.  Literally the greatest, most ridiculous intro to a song ever.

- Cleveland Wine Festival where we made new friends at the dive bar afterward, and I broke my rule about never doing shots while not at a wedding reception.  So worth it, though.  Chocolate Covered Pretzel shot.  DO IT RIGHT NOW.

- Krusty's.  Oh man I love Krusty's.

- Debbie Gibson/Tiffany concert.  BE. LIEVE. IT. I have no words for how awesome this was.  I'll just say this:

- Our beloved Chicken Noodle and Katie left us for greener pastures but not before we got to go out and get drunk with his hot Coast Guard buddies.

- Def Leppard/Heart concert.  No I didn't go to any concerts for current bands, if you're wondering.

- Cheered on my friends at a triathlon benefitting United Cerebral Palsy of Greater Cleveland and did not cry like a little girl as my friend, who is the mother of a 3 year old with CP, crossed the finish line like you guys did.  Wusses.

- Went to California to be in my friend Squirt's wedding and do some sightseeing and GO SEE CONAN O'BRIEN TAPE LIVE!!!  Check it:

- Went to the Browns home opener where they did a touching 9/11 tribute then immediately followed it with Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart."

- Got LASIK.  Say whaaaat?  It's true, you guys.  I finally did it.  I got my eyeballs shaved.  It was totally insane but totally worth it.  I'm Claritin clear now and can be one of those people who brag about having 20/20 vision even though it's a really weird thing to brag about.  Also I got some hot Maxine sunglasses out of it.  This is what I was promised, according to their web site:

Here's the reality:

This is my normal way of saying I'm still single.  Also I still use MS Paint.  Badly.

- Drew's little sister got married.  What you need to know about that wedding:

Yeah that's pressed ham.  And also:

That would be Matt's and my gourd fort, created in a brilliant attempt to protect our drinks from thieves.  You know because it was an open bar so people would definitely need to steal our drinks.  P.S. We also ended up accidentally telling our cab driver that we were going to take him to the forest and kill him.  I'm so sorry, cab driver!

- Paint your own barware class.  Basically we got a Groupon for going to this class where they give you a beer mug or wine glass and you paint on it with glass paint.  Steph, Diane, Drew and I went and, to be frank, we are not what you would call "talented at art."  Every other person there?  Talented at art.  We realized this once we were done and started walking around the room to see what everyone else was painting, and we noticed there were actual artists in the room.
Here's what a couple of our classmates did:

Here's what I did:

No seriously I made that.  Your 10 year old niece didn't.  By the way, my theme was "My Favorite Things" and yes that is a vodka bottle.  Also in keeping in line with the theme, I put a picture of a TV on my glass, and I tried to write "Friends" on it since I love that show.  Well I didn't leave enough room so the instructor told me to stagger the letters.  Here's how it turned out:

Yeah.  That says Red Fins.  Those are Z's at the bottom, symbolizing my love of sleep.  ARTIST.

- Halloween:

This won me first prize in the costume contest, baby!  And is my 2011 Christmas card. My parents must be really proud.  This is how I imagine conversations with their friends go:

Friend:  So our 30 year old son James and his wife bought a new 3,000 square foot house.  They just needed more room with baby number 3 on the way.  Luckily, James got that promotion to VP a couple months ago so the added expense won't be a big deal.
My mom: Our 35 year old daughter dressed up as a Christmas tree.  With working lights.


- Vegas, baby!  Yeah we went to Vegas...and got the stomach flu.  What happens in Vegas, stays in the Vegas sewer system because I puked into several of its toilets.
- Thanksgiving

- 35 (ugh...eff you, 35.  Do you guys remember when you were 11 and 35 was insanely old?  That is what my actual age is right now.)

- Girls' Christmas which ended with me taking my wine-soaked Christmas socks home in a Ziploc.

This is all in addition to clam bakes, birthdays, dinner parties, wine parties, charity events, baby showers, book clubs, football game parties, etc.  But most of my time is eaten up by this:

I can't put into words what a joy Trevor is.  Being an aunt is a dream, and life is just better with him around.

So...what are you guys up to?


Adam said...

How can one post have so much gold in it? I'm concerned that your life might be 10,00,000 more times fun than mine, which means I need to fun the heck up.

I guess FTHU becomes my new catchcry now... so that's something.

Reanna said...

Yay, welcome back! A few weeks ago I started following Cleveland bloggers to learn before I started my own blog. I read yours and was sad that it seemed like you maybe disappeared, because your blog was funny. So, sorry to be creepy, but I'm glad you're back. And absolutely envious of your Halloween costume.

Amanda said...

Awesome! Welcome back! And secondly why have I not kidnapped you in the middle of the night and kept you in my pocket as my constant entertainment?

S.Rod said...

You came back! I wouldn't delete you from my Google Reader because I knew there was hope...

The Velveteen said...

sweet jesus dude, i was fixin to send out a search party, or at least i was thinkin realllll hard about it.

welcome back to the fold.

The Ramblings of a Thirtysomething Wife said...

YAY!!! So happy to find your post this morning! I hope this means you are back to blogging.

Anonymous said...

Excited you're back!

Anonymous said...

YAY! Welcome back! you were missed! LOL okay maybe only by me, but I did miss your ramblings :) LOL

OH!!! Speaking of VEGAS!! guess which 80's hair band is doing a 3 week concert series at the Hard Rock Hotel In February!!!! MOTLEY CRUE!!! GIGGITY!

Fizzgig said...

woa, nkotb, and tiffany/debbie gibson? you might be the queen or something!!

i went to a paint your own barware class once. some guy painted will you marry me on his glass and ruined the night for the rest of us single girls. it was totally cute, and equally depressing.

Anonymous said...

Holy Sweet Goodness! You are back!! I've been a blurker for years, and was sad when there was nothing but ___________________________. A virtual *high five* to YOU!

Hugh Janus said...

Maybe you and JP posting something on here in the last couple days telepathically prompted me to check to see if my blog still existed. Indeed the internet is apparently forever. (or at least capable of of retaining info created in 2005.)

"How do I come back after 5 months?" - You're a lightweight. (see above)

Threatening to kill people, cab driver or otherwise. Sweet move! Avoid California. There's a warrant.

With that, I continue the mysterious orbit which brings me back to Blogger every 6 years just like Halley's Comet...or whatever.

Anonymous said...

I was getting ready to unbookmark you. Glad you are writing again.


Anonymous said...

Well pick my bellybutton and paint my ass green...looky who is back!

Elizabeth said...

So happy you're back! Now you can't get lost again...says the girl whose blog is woefully un-updated but who still feels she can tell others to update regularly. Missed ya!

Anonymous said...

SO glad you're back!

Amy said...

Okay, so more than 3 people missed you! Nice power-packed update. Debbie and Tiffany???? Plus NKOTBSB TWICE?? You DO have a life!

I'm assuming you have a draft copy of the Krusty's update sitting on your computer...I know you do. Out with it.

The Schnooks said...

Happy you are back! I second the request for the 2011 Krusty's play-by-play please!

Anonymous said...

I broke up with my blog so many times that it won't take me back! It's always nice to check in with you and you KNOW how much I STILL love that shade of lipstick! -Averyl

Johnny Virgil said...

I am so happy you're back I pressed ham at the front window of five guys burgers today. I'm not welcome there any more.

thb said...

muliters. OMG that was the verification word. and as i was reading it, i typed it in here instead. duh.

I've been so busy & haven't checked blogs out in awhile. after reading this post i realize that's a common theme.

anyway I almost squirted bloody mary out my nose this morning laughing. glad you're back!

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Glad to know that you've not given up on us yet.