Friday, July 07, 2006

More proof that I am a dork

Nail pop guy left yesterday, and I realized that I forgot to have him fix the ones in the downstairs bathroom. Upon realizing that he was down the street fixing up another house, I stood outside like a stalker freak and waited for him to exit the house. It was a good half hour of standing in my driveway pretending to read a magazine which had to be the least convincing cover ever because I was trying to "read" while standing straight up in the middle of my driveway holding a cell phone and wearing my work clothes. As soon as nail pop guy left the house down the street, I took off in a dead sprint toward him while yelling his name like a crazy person. When he finally noticed me, I could see the look of horror on his face. I caught up to him and breathlessly rambled on about how oh my God I left him a message on his phone but I was so afraid he wouldn't get it and I am such a moron and totally forgot the downstairs bathroom and OMG I am so sorry, and he said he'd be back in a few minutes. He came back and was so nice despite definitely being scared of me. He fixed the stuff in the bathroom.

Approximately 5 seconds after he left, I went in to inspect his work, tripped over my shoe and fell into the wall accidentally shoving a finger into the newly mudded area. Not having a trowel, I decided to do what the professionals would do in this situation and I grabbed my Pampered Chef spreader which is used to frost cupcakes and tried to smooth out the mud using that. It looks good for a cupcake. Bad for a wall. Oh well-I'll just sand that shit out. Listen to me. I'm like Bob Vila or something. They should give me show on HGTV. It could be called "How to fix crap in your house using kitchen products and sometimes a dustpan which is what I originally tried to use to fix my wall but it didn't work." Theme song: Theme song from "MacGuyver" since we are essentially the same person.

9 comments:

russ said...

We were just discussing a show describing clueless and effed up repairs at dinner last night.

No pic of the disaster? Here's what I'm picturing

Sarah said...

That's actually pretty close to how it went down. However, my incident involved just a tad more buttcrack.

Violet said...

This is awesome! : )

slcup said...

I'm just glad that I'm not the only person that does "home repair" with kitchen utensils, office supplies or the like. Doesn't everyone stand in their driveway reading magazines? I know I do.

John said...

I bgot a fever an the only preasciption os more butyyt craks.

I'm durnked

"AG" said...

You are the coolest.

russ said...

I don't know any better way to get the word out than this blog.

Johnny Virgil said...

remember -- a spatula is just a putty knife with a longer handle.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

This part sounded kind of dirty:

"tripped over my shoe and fell into the wall accidentally shoving a finger into the newly mudded area"