Thursday, October 22, 2009

Picture Pages!

I wanted to show you a picture of my new boyfriend. While taking his picture, I found some other pictures I would like to show you. They are, in a word, life changing. Okay in a words.

First my new boyfriend:

This is King Nano.

I know what you are thinking. What happened to my old boyfriend Lance Cpl Harold W. Dawson? Look it's nothing he did. It's just that he couldn't really give me everything I needed. I shouldn't talk bad about him. There is still a lot of love there. But he is moving on to Drew's sister, and I am moving on to King Nano who is 16Gb has video, FM radio and Cover Flow. Sigh...I love him.

Here is a picture of the pocket watch Steph bought for Europe:

See? It's a for real pocket watch.

Check out my train whistle:

Phallic much? The way it works is you just blow into that round tip and then it erupts with sound. Ahahahaha. Sorry, Dad.

A bar near us does these crab races on Wednesdays. If you want in, you pay a couple bucks and pick a number. Each crab in the race is numbered so the number you pick corresponds to that crab. Everyone stands around a big round table, and they dump the crabs in the middle. First crab to reach th edge of the table wins. It. Is. Awesome.

This is the starting point of the race. All the crabs are in the middle and will begin walking outward any minute. First one to cross that white line you see around the edge of the table is the winner.

We got to name our crabs. I named mine Herpes. In the picture below you can see just how competitive Herpes was:

Nice job, Herpes. I actually turned to Diane at this point and said, "I'm pretty sure my crab is dead." Other crabs were literally crawling on top of him and using him for leverage, and he wasn't even moving. Turns out he wasn't dead. Just slow. Like me. But not like herpes.

Lastly, here is a picture either Diane or Sharda took while hanging out the window of my car while we were driving on the highway on our way back from Miami University last year:

What is that, you ask? That, my friends, is a monstrosity. It's called the King of Kings statue, and it sits outside of Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio. It's 62 feet high and cost a quarter of a million dollars to build. A quarter of a million dollars. And it's not even a water fountain. I'm sure there aren't any needy families or children in the area who could've used the church's donation of $250,000. THIS IS DISGUSTING, SOLID ROCK CHURCH! But damn-it is funny.

I do have a suggestion for improvement, though:

Aaaaaand cue lightning strike.


LbL said...

The pringles put me over the edge.

Amanda Foote said...

Again I ask myself how you don't have your own lifestyle show on HGTV. I would get a season pass on my Tivo.

Also, if you ever need another sister and want to adopt one who lives in Central Florida, has a guest room and is a decent baker, please contact me right away. (

shine said...

I'm sick and my throat hurts and you just made me laugh A LOT.

Sorry to hear about your herpes.

Anonymous said...

That crab race concept is so awesome! Sorry about your Herpes, though.

Johnny Virgil said...

Oh man, before I saw your second picture I was totally going to photoshop some kind of beach ball in there or something.

You should do a public service advertisement about how easy it is to catch Herpes.

Johnny Virgil said...

also, why does your train whistle glow with a holy light?

Fizzgig said...

hermit crabs. ive killed a few of those. not on purpose id never do that!

theres like this whole underground society i never knew about. crab racing!?

Dan said...

A crab named Herpes is the Best Meta Disease-Related Pet Name of 2009. It's like Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump - all the other nominees can go home now.

Anonymous said...

I pass by that church all the time. My kids think it's some sort of religous playground. No matter how many times I tell them it's a church. I can see their confusion