Lost is for real over

I can't believe Lost is over. For real I can't believe it. When the episode was over, we all looked at each other and said, "So…what are we supposed to do now?" And seriously what are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to recap? There are no other shows with the what the eff value of this one.

So we had a Lost viewing party at my sister and Drew's house. We ate licorice and chips and coconut cake, and I drank champagne. Conveniently, Cleveland's WEWS channel 5 decided to be FUCKING HORRIBLE right at that exact time. I'm not kidding. Read that article about it. It was definitely better on HD. It was all pixilated and stopped a couple times. But it wasn't so bad that we had some sort of emotional breakdown and turned the TV off in a crying fit of rage like the lady in the article. Then I watched it again on my DVR, and I do not have HD, and it was so, so horrible. I mean really if I had been watching it for the first time, I probably would have turned it off in a crying fit of rage. They are replaying it Saturday, but like my friend Randy said Sunday, "Somebody's losing their job tonight."

Did everyone watch the recap episode first? Of course you did. Because it was awesome. And you can't remember everything from the past 6 years. Daniel Dae Kim is freaking adorable. By the way, it totally freaks me out to hear Sayid's British accent. Also he is dating Barbara Hershey who is like 30 years older than him. "You mean 'Beaches' Barbara Hershey?" – my friend Lisa. Yes, Lisa, that Barbara Hershey. Like 15 minutes later I go, "Walt's like a hundred. I saw him in a commercial." Lisa goes, "He is. He's dating Barbara Hershey." Then Lindsay goes, "No he's dating Bette Midler. They double." Then I peed. This is why you watch Lost with friends.
Other highlights from our recap viewing:

- After they showed the helicopter crash into the ocean, Lindsay goes, "Okay how does that baby not have shaken baby syndrome?"

- They showed the scene where Juliet fell down the well and hit the bomb with the rock, and Drew goes, "Remember at the beginning of this season when they showed that scene over and over. Oh my God it was horrible." Then we immediately got back from commercial, and they showed it again. Drew was so angry.

- Did you notice ABC played ads for their new shows? Um…too soon, ABC. Way too soon. It's like our dog was in the middle of dying, and you were like, "Here's a new dog."

- While we were discussing Rose and Bernard's whereabouts:

Lindsay: "Yeah they built like a tree kingdom."
Matt: "Well not like the Ewoks or anything."

When it came time to actually watch the finale, we all almost peed we were so nervous/excited. Let me just say up front that I thought the episode was fantastic.

- Opening shot is us in sideways world watching them unload Jack's dad's coffin. Oh I see we're cutting back and forth on all our characters in sideways world and on the island. Just kind of what they're all doing now. Ugh this is already making me emotional. Also they're dropping off Jack's dad's coffin at the concert place? And Desmond is signing for it? What? Also did anyone else notice that Jack's dad's name was Christian Shephard? It never dawned on me. Also seriously Desmond says he wants to leave. And I must repeat Kate's question here: Leave and go where, Desmond?

- Back on the island, Sawyer is talking to Jack about being the new Jacob and being hilarious. "Tell us what the burning bush said." Sawyer re: Jacob: "It doesn't sound like he said anything about anything." Hurley: "It's kinda true, dude. He's worse than Yoda." Freaking awesome. Did you see in the recap episode how the guy who plays Hurley said that Hurley is the kind of guy who would totally love Lost and write about it on the Internet. Yeah he is. Sawyer just called Desmond a magic leprechaun. Christ almighty I will miss Sawyer. Hurley has a bad feeling about this. Hurley, the world has a bad feeling about this.

- Hurley and Sayid just pulled up at a hotel. Sayid has major what-the-fuck-itis. Charlie! Looking good. And by that I mean the opposite. He's wearing more eyeliner than me. Holy crap what is going to happen at this concert. My friend Matt's like, "I need to be at this concert." Ah! Hurley just shot Charlie with a tranquilizer gun! It should be kind of scary, but it's hilarious.

- Jack! You haven't ruined everything in your life! You're hot and heroic!

- Huge shocker Sawyer got caught by Fake Locke and Ben. Did you see how shitty his hiding place was? He was hiding behind like 1 leaf. Seriously why is Ben still trying to help Flocke (is this what we're supposed to call him?)? I thought he loved this island. Why would he go along with destroying it? Holy elbow to the mouth! Ouch! Did you see in the recap episode where the guy who plays Ben was like, "Ben gets beat up more than any other character. I always have to come in before everyone else to get my 'beat up' makeup on." Awesome. How come that guy is kind of creepy in real life, too, though. OMG DOG TRACKS! Please say it's Vincent. Please say it's Vincent!!

- VINCENT!! That means Rose and Bernard, yes? YES!!! God I really just can't put into words how much I love these two. I love how Rose is like, "Please don't get us involved in your crap. Save the drama for your mama." Holy crap for real if Flocke kills Rose and Bernard, I will fly Ajira airlines to the island and KILL HIM MYSELF. Phew. Okay, I knew Desmond wouldn't let him hurt them.

- Flocke is totally thrown by Desmond and his seemingly know-it-all attitude. As we all are, let's be honest. That was really convincing, Ben. It was the loudest walkie talkie noise ever, and he's like, "What? I didn't hear anything. There's definitely not a walkie talkie in my pocket."

- Miles! Richard! He's alive! Okay we're still blowing up this plane? Richard, you need to let this go. This seems like a really bad idea.

- Cop Miles! I would really like for ABC to create a spin-off show for Miles and Sawyer. A buddy cop show.

- JULIET!! I love you, Juliet. I can't believe I ever doubted you. Please forgive me. OMG, Sun's gonna have her moment isn't she. Where she remembers life on the island? Cuz this is just like when Juliet did the ultrasound on the island only more sanitary! Yes I am awesome. And Jin remembers! Okay the flashback scenes of Jin and Sun are making my heart hurt-literally. They speak English!! Okay they for real remember everything. Juliet's like, "You guys are weird."

- I will miss watching my Losties running through a forest. Just FYI. Okay we've established that everyone is going to the where the light is. "Then it ends." Foreshadowing! Well not really. I mean it's the last episode so it pretty much has to end.

- Jack and Locke discussing his spinal surgery. Locke is wearing a very becoming shower cap. Sidenote: I am obsessed with shower caps. Thank God that we get to see OUR Locke in this sideways reality. Because I heart him. Whoa-"See you on the other side." That's a loaded statement. "If I can fix you, Mr. Locke, that's all the peace I'll need." Another way loaded statement. Applies in both realites and pretty much is Jack's theme for the whole show, no?

- Richard has a gray hair! Richard is aging! It's weird that Miles pulled it out, right? Let's not worry about that.

- Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. "Sarah. Sarah! Sarah!!!" – all my friends at the same time. LAPIDUS!!! WHOO-HOO!!! I just screamed louder than I have ever screamed. I KNEW it! I knew he was still alive! He can survive anything because he is amazing! Holy crap I love you so much, Lapidus. Also he totally agrees with me that Richard's blow up the plane plan is horrible. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a pilot." There is too much awesome in this scene right now.

- OMG confrontation on the hill. Jack and Flocke appearing from different parts of the forest. Um this line is amazing:

Flocke: "So it's you. Jacob being who he is I expected to be a little more surprised. You're sort of the obvious choice, don't you think?"

That's hilarious and perfect. A nice nod to everyone who's watched this show and watched Jack be the leader over and over since the beginning. Jack just told Flocke he's going to kill him in a surprise way. Well it sounded way more threatening in the show. The way I wrote it sounded like he was planning a surprise party. Surprise! You're dead.

- Here's a huge surprise: Juliet is Jack's ex-wife and mother of his son. I think we all saw this coming, right? Oh my gosh Jack just called Claire, Aunt Claire. That is so cute I want to die. Ah Sawyer and Juliet eye contact! Remember each other, please!

- Okay so Jack wants to use Desmond to kill Locke. He's basically just flying by the seat of his pants, yes? Holy crap. Hurley: "I believe in you, dude." So ridiculously cute. Dudes till the end. Is Hurley just one of the best characters on TV or what?

- Vaginal tunnel of light! Oh man. They're going to lower Desmond into the light. I'm scared. This is just like in "Poltergeist" when Diane went into the light to get Carol Anne. Except with a lot less Craig T. Nelson. Don't pull on the rope! Will Des turn into smoke? Des is being very zen right now. He knows something we don't. Man Jack has done a complete 180 since the beginning of this show. "All of this matters."

- Okay Hurley can't tell Sayid what's going on because "there are rules". What does that mean!? Aw, Sayid. You're a good man. If Hurley thinks so, it is definitely true. Bar fight! Ah! It's Shannon and Boone, isn't it!? Yes it is! Oh my God. They're remembering. I am freaking the eff out. Boone!! Oh my God Boone knows. Or remembers. Or whatever. I love you, Boone! Drew says Boone doesn't look very good, but I think it might be because he plays a vampire on another show now so maybe he is staying out of the sunlight. Also I saw a web site that said they want someone to make a t-shirt that says "Boone knows". Awesome.

- Claire! Alive and looking good. Holy criminy, Claire. You're a crazy person.

- "You're not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face." Nice, Jack. "We'll just have to see which one of us is right." Oh God I hope it's you, Jack. Oh boy pan away shot of Jack and Flocke looking down the waterfall. Just like the shot at the end of-what the hell season was that-with the hatch!? Symmetry! Full circle! Symbolism! I am smart! Not really! It was obvious!

- Looks like we're at the concert. Holy boobs, Juliet. Nicely done. Oh Charlotte and Faraday! Yay they love each other! Huge surprise Claire's sitting at Desmond and Kate's table. She is totally creeped out. And should be.

-Ugh. Miles' dad! It's Daniel Faraday-not Widmore. Oh also Drew and Matt have been singing that Driveshaft song all effing night- the one that Charlie used to sing. Aw-Charlie and Claire. God I feel like I've been waiting for a reunion for those two for my entire life.

- Desmond is in the bottom of the waterfall. I am singing the theme song to Indiana Jones in my head. And out loud. People are annoyed with me. Ah what's happening! Okay so that's the "cork" huh? I'm freaking out. The whole island is just like a big bathroom drain. I have an idea for keeping the island safe. Let me take a shower in that well. I will shed so much hair I'll clog up that drain in no time. "It was weird that it was an actual cork. Like I thought that was just a metaphor." – my friend Lisa. Holy crap Jack just punched Flocke and Flocke is bleeding. He's bleeding!! Ah rock to the head! Rock to the head! "That's top 10 things that leave a mark." – Drew. Thank God there's a commercial. I need to calm down.

- You know what's a great place to give birth? Backstage at a concert. Or on a deserted island. Eloise. Man she's scary. What does she know? Tell us what you know, woman! Wait-she knows where Desmond's going. Where are you going, Desmond? I will say this, it appears that everyone who "remembers" knows exactly where they are going. They seem to have some knowledge and an air of calm about them.

- "If Kate remembers while she has her hands up Claire's dress, I will laugh." – my friend Matt. Matty, that is totally what is happening. This is pretty emotional. I'm having a hard time keeping it together in front of my friends. "Guys, I've been watching tapes and babies are a lot grosser when they're born. FYI." – Diane. Thanks, D. Helpful info. Oh my God, Charlie's going to remember now, isn't he. I'm going to lose it. Charlie-Claire reunion! This is so awesome. Play it cool, Sarah. You're surrounded by people in a room.

- Okay the island is falling apart. Ben just saved Hurley's life! What? I don't even…that was amazing. I just want to say that is one small man pushing one big man, and while touching, it sure did look funny.

- Kate had no reaction to the news that Lapidus is alive. Um, Kate? This is a miracle. Let's give it its proper due.

- Jack and Flocke confrontation on the cliff! In the rain! Jack yelling, "LOCKE!" No do not go to a commercial while Jack is flying through the air! Um-I just. Shat. My. Pants. That was one of the best scenes I have ever seen on this show.

- If Jack falls off a cliff, I will kill everyone. Ball kick! That's gotta hurt. Man it is impossible to recap a fight scene. I'll just say this: it's awesome. No no no no no. Flocke's got the knife. No no no no no! NO!!! He just stabbed my Jack in the side. I have no idea what to do right now. Ah! Knife to the throat! That's the spot Jack always bleeds in sideways reality! Kate! Yes. Good timing, Kate. Finally. Kick him over the edge, Jacky. YES. Ew. Brutal landing on the rocks. Yowza. That fight scene was glorious. I did a pretty good job recapping it. And by that I mean this was horrible. Sorry.

- Sideways Jack's neck is bleeding! Just like the alternate reality is bleeding over into this reality, right you guys? See what I did there?

- Of course your surgery worked, Locke. Jack is amazing and hot, and you are lovely and a fighter. Oh my God now Locke is remembering. This is awesome. Jack is resisting remembering. Come on, Jack. Let it in. "You don't have a son." "I hope somebody does for you what you just did for me." Jack's like, "Mkay, crazy dude. I'm out." Can I just interject here and say that "The Walkabout", which was episode 4 of season 1 and was the one where we find out that John Locke was in a wheelchair, was literally some of the greatest television I have ever seen in my life. It's exactly the moment I knew this show was special. And exactly the moment that I knew television could be more than just the same old crap. I actually emailed ABC after it aired just to tell them how I felt about it. That's how much it moved me. And how big of a loser I am. Anyway, hearing this same music and seeing scenes from that episode is making my heart hurt again.

- Okay, you guys, I have a bad feeling about Jack's stab wound. A really bad feeling.

- Sun and Jin are so happy to see Sawyer that they are coming off as creepy. But do you see what I mean? They are acting like they have a special knowledge. "We'll see you there." Sawyer's like, "See me where? I am really hot as a cop."

- Lapidus is owning this plane. It is his bitch. I am also his bitch, just FYI. Holy crap I just LOL'd (nice) at this:

Ben: "Lapidus, what's your time table?"
Lapidus: "Don't bother me!"
Ben: "Sounds like they're making progress."

Goddamn you, Benjamin Linus, for making me like you despite everything you've done. Matt just said that Lapidus is being a dick. Um sorry he's only trying to save everybody and fix a downed airplane that needs 6 hours of attention in 1 hour and that's after he almost died, Matt! I'll punch you right in the throat.

- Huge surprise Jack is going to sacrifice himself to save everyone else. Oh no I don't think my heart can take the goodbyes. Sawyer and Jack, friends and partners. It's too much. Ben's staying. This island was always his first love. Holy crap Hurley isn't leaving. He's staying with Jack! I think I might be in love with Hurley. Oh no-I am not ready for the Kate/Jack goodbye. You're not going to see him again, Kate. You know that. Good Lord I have been waiting for them to kiss again for like 2 years. I want to rewind this part, but I know everyone will yell at me. Yes you guys love each other. You have since season 1. I can't believe it took this long for you both to say it again. Oh, you guys, Jack's not going to make it off the island, is he. Inside I'm all, "Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings." (sidenote: on my second viewing, I cried like a baby).

- I feel like I want to complain about the number of commercials, but it is giving me the necessary emotional recovery breaks.

- "I don't believe in a lot of things. But I do believe in duct tape." Oh, Miles, I am going to miss you so much. I love how Sawyer calls Lapidus Chesty.

- Mah! Sawyer dove head first into the water! Not the way I would've gone, Sawyer.

- Sawyer and Jack just had a little déjà vu moment in the hospital hallway. "Thanks, Doc." Oh God, Sawyer, if you only knew how much meaning was behind just those two little words.

- OMG Sawyer and Juliet. Sawyer and Juliet reunion! I think I'm going to lose it. Is there where she says the thing about getting coffee some time. Yes thank you for answering me, Juliet! Oh God this is so awesome I can't handle it. Effing, Lost writers. As someone who's more obsessed with the characters than with the mysteries, this episode has just been extremely rewarding for me.

- Oh my. Kate and Jack in sideways town. Is Kate going to make Jack remember? Kate's heels are out of control. I know-not important right now, but it had to be said. "I missed you so much." Yes you did, Kate. That line touched me for some reason. A lot. Jack, stop resisting. If you resist, then I can't figure out what's happening, and that doesn't work for me.

- Back on the island. Oh, Hurley. Jack's not going to survive. I think we all know this. I honestly cannot take Hurley crying. I can't. Of course it has to be Hurley. He has to be the one to protect the island. It was always him, right? He's the one who loves everyone, who loves humanity. He's truly pure of heart. This scene is killing me. Ew-that water looks dirty. Hope you don't get dysentery from the magic water, Hurley.

- I know you can fix this plane, Lapidus. Cuz you can do anything. Yay! You're amazing!

- Is Desmond still alive? Yes! Thank God.

- Come on, Claire. You know you want to leave the island. They have shampoo at home. And brushes. Lapidus, I love you. Please don’t leave my friends behind. And…cue a Lapidus knowing chuckle and awesome line in 3…2...1: "Boys, we got some late arrivals. Open the door."

- Man how heavy is that rock cork? Everyone in the room is freaking out about Jack getting himself out of that pool or else he'll die. Guys? He's not going to make it either way. Even I know that.

- They allowed Lapidus one moment of vulnerability here before they tried to take off in the plane. "Here we go, Frank." Yes he's awesome, but he's still a man with insecurities and feelings and chest hair! I am so nervous I could puke. "What's Richard going to do when he gets home? He's been on the island a long time. He can always rejoin Maroon 5." – Drew. YES! They did it! Not that I'm surprised, but it's still very moving. "Amen." Lapidus is also a man of faith. This music is making me die inside a little bit. It's so pretty. Can this really be happening? Are they really going home? My heart almost can't take it.

- Now back to my Jack. Oh my God it worked. You saved the island, Jack! You really are the hero. Just like you've been since day one. Anyone who ever doubted you (Diane) can eat a big one.

- Sideways reality. Locke's at the-wherever it is they all are. Looks like a church. Ben! Sitting outside being creepy. Good Lord am I glad for this sideways reality. It gives us a chance to see our Locke and say a proper goodbye. Ben's like, "Sorry for murdering you in a different reality, bro. We cool?" Actually this is a pretty touching scene. I'm just trying to act all brave because I'm hiding the fact that I'm an emotional wreck right now. Of course Locke forgives Ben. Because he's Locke and he's awesome. Yes get out of the chair, Locke. Jack fixed you. Okay WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT CHURCH!?

- Hurley is just sitting by the Vaginal Tunnel of Light waiting for Jack to come back up. This is heartbreaking. Ugh, Hurley, please stop crying. I cannot handle it! Watching you try to accept Jack dying and being the new Jacob is too much. God who wrote this thing? It's like they are targeting the exact middle of my heart! "I think you do what you do best: take care of people." Oh, Ben. You were such a jerk, and you just said the exact right thing. Seriously I hate you for making me like you. Insert requisite throwaway line "That's how Jacob ran things." to explain why no one was allowed to leave the island. You know what? I'm okay with this explanation. Because I think the bottom line is, Jacob was kind of a dick who fucked with people's lives. And Hurley really can make his own rules. OHMYGOD Ben's face when Hurley asked him to help. Finally, finally Ben gets the only thing he ever wanted: to be needed by someone. It took Hurley 5 seconds to heal Ben. I CANNOT TAKE IT, LOST WRITERS! You are killing me! (sidenote: I am still thinking about this scene 3 days later it moved me so much).

- Oh boy. Hurley/Ben scene at the church. Will I be able to deal with this? Wait a minute. "You were a real good #2." "And you were a great #1, Hugo." I'm getting an inkling about something. This feels final. Oh how I'll miss Hurley calling everyone dude.

- Okay so the church is where Jack's father's funeral was going to be. Ready for what, Kate!? Leave and go where, Kate!? Someone tell me! Sorry one last freak out about not getting answers. It wouldn't be an episode of Lost if I wasn't angrily yelling questions into the sky.

- Okay Jack's alive on the island. Barely.

- Back at the church. I can already tell this will be a back and forth type of scene between the two realities. Lindsay just screamed that all the religions are represented on that stained glass window. Thank goodness she looks at details. If you'd have asked me about it, I'd be like, "Wait they were at a church? Jack was wearing clothes? What?" Oh my God, Jack, do not resist. Remember. Whose heart is breaking at these flashback scenes? Mah is he going to be the one in the coffin!? Okay it's empty. This is it. He's dead, isn't he. There's his dad. Yeah he knows it now. He's dead. I think I'm going to puke. Okay sideways reality isn't sideways reality. It's some sort of purgatory. I love the message here-that when you die, you go back to the most important time in your life. Back to the people who you needed most. And I like the idea that in order for you to let go and move on to whatever's next, you need to remember your life first. Lost cast reunion. Emotion overload. Want to cry. Penny! Meaningful Desmond/Jack hug. Intercut with Jack on the island clearly going somewhere to die. Probably where he landed after the plane crash. Hugs with Boone and Hurley. Heart exploding into a thousand pieces. Sawyer/Jack hug!! Kate changed clothes? Loving looks between Kate and Jack. Everyone looks happy. Except me. Rose and Bernard! VINCENT! Oh no this too much. The dog laying down with him is too much. Dogs are so awesome, I said through tears. Christian Shephard shepharding them onward? Hurley and Libby-yay. Oh he knew his friends made it off the island before he died. Eye closing. Black screen. Lost. I am dead.

You guys. YOU GUYS. That was wonderful, brilliant television. I know there will be people who are annoyed that there weren't enough answers, but I am completely satisfied with that ending. I am totally fine knowing that everything that happened on the island was real. That there really is a weirdo island containing the light of humanity, and someone needs to be the protector. I am okay with the mystical. I don't need a scientific or religious explanation. I'm okay with the fact that Jacob was just this kind of douchey dude from a douchey family who turned his role of island protector into some sick game. That he had an evil brother hellbent on revenge and our poor Losties happened to get caught in the middle of all this drama.

My Jack didn't make it off the island. I think I knew from the first episode that he wouldn't. He went out a hero just has he came in, and I love, love, love him. So we know Michael wasn't at the church because he's stuck on the island as a "whisperer" paying the price for being a murderer. Why wasn't Walt there? I think it's because he was so young on that island, and he wasn't on it very long so it wasn't the most important time in his life. One thing I do wish is that they would've delved a little deeper into Walt's psychic abilities, but c'est la vie.

This is so interesting to think about this show from the beginning with this bird's eye view now. Part of what drove me crazy is that when you don't know what's going on, every single little effing thing means something. You can't discern what is important and what isn't so EVERYTHING becomes important, and that is annoying. That is why I was getting annoyed this season. Because I felt like I would finally find out what I really needed to be paying attention to, but they never really gave me that until this episode. For example, worrying about why they brought Anthony Cooper to the island. I just for real wanted to know what the deal with that was. And it turned out, they just wanted Locke to get revenge. Okay. I'm totally fine with that answer and with that little piece not meaning anything beyond that.

At first I was annoyed that we don't really know what happened to our Losties who got off the island-what they did with their lives. And that we don't know how Desmond, Hurley and Ben got off the island. But I think it's safe to say two things: 1. It doesn't matter what those people did once they got off the island. They lived their life no matter what path it took them down. But when they died, they came back to this time in their lives because it's what was most important. And 2. Hurley changed the rules of what it meant to protect that island. He made sure they all got home. He made sure no one suffered on that island ever again. Awesome. In the end this show was about the people and the relationships, and that's what ended up being the most important thing. Not even the island was more important. And I love that.

A++

What a fantastic 6 years of entertainment. The good news: No more having to wait 8 months in between seasons and no more driving myself absolutely crazy. The bad news: It's over! Hold me, you guys.

For real, it's coming

Okay so I was not home all night Monday or tonight so I still don't have my Lost recap done. Sorry! Tomorrow for sure. In the meantime, did you know that in the original version of "Lost", Michael Keaton was supposed to play Jack Shephard, the hero, and he was supposed to die halfway through the pilot?

So this is our original Jack Shephard:


















But I thought they meant this guy:


















Michael McKean. And I was like what. the. eff. Can you imagine? I mean either way it's weird and horrible, but at least Michael Keaton was Batman. Between that and the fact that Sawyer was supposed to be played by Forest Whitaker, Lost could've been a very different show. Plus Drew was like, "That is one weirdo love triangle with Kate."

Quick, pick one:

































It totally looks like they are really in a forest. Thanks, MS Paint!

I'm Found

Holy crap. You guys, I'm gonna need a day to recap this one. But I will say this : That was some of the best television I have ever seen. It was so good, and so much about the ending was so poetically perfect that I am going to overlook some major holes/wtf's and do what I did for (almost) 6 seasons: just enjoy.

Let me gather my thoughts (and emotions-for realz, y'all) on this then we shall discuss. Oh but I do have three words for you:

FRANK. FUCKING. LAPIDUS!!

Did you hear a loud scream at some point tonight? It was me when they showed him floating in the water alive. Yes. YES, LOST.

Yeah I'm probably not going to sleep tonight. Recap tomorrow.

I watch too much TV

Oh, you guys. So so much TV to talk about and that's even before we get to "Lost".

"Gossip Girl" - Okay who watches this show? I do because it's trashy fun. But let me just say this: Serena is a C-U-Next-Tuesday, and I do not use that term unless absolutely necessary. Blair, on the other hand, is delicious. And Nate is hot and dumb and has chronic party voice.

"Grey's Anatomy" - Did anyone watch the season finale tonight? Um, what. the. fuck. No. Just no. That was absolutely terrible. It was completely brutal. Completely unnecessary. Not that I don't expect melodrama from that show because I do, but COME ON. Ugh. It's too bad, too, because I thought this season had recaptured some of the fun of the first season. And then this finale. Yuck. Done with this show. Right now my sister is like, "Wait-you still watch Grey's?"

"Supernatural" - On the contrary, this season finale was almost sheer perfection. This show continues to be one of the most well written, well acted, consistently entertaining shows on television. Plus, Jensen Ackles is painfully hot. Painfully.

"Friday Night Lights" - You guys, I can't believe I forgot to write about this 2 weeks ago when it came back to NBC. For those of you who have DirecTV, you've seen this season already (no spoilers!). For those of us who prefer to have TV that works when it rains (burn!), the greatness just started. And I mean greatness. For those of you not watching this show, at the risk of sounding like a broken record: WHY AREN'T YOU WATCHING THIS SHOW!? It is hands down the greatest show on television. And the first 2 episodes of season 4 do not disappoint. It's absolutely lovely and perfect. This show can introduce a new character in a minute long scene and by the end of ONE minute, I am completely invested in this character's life. How do they do that? (Luke, anyone who saw last week's episode? In love with him after 1 minute.) I love you, FNL. I love you, Taylor Kitsch. No for real, I love you. Call me. Also, I know that Zach Gilford is supposed to give off the brother vibe, but I have dirty thoughts about him. And sigh...Coach Taylor. Oh sorry-what happened? I just blacked out. Guys and ladies who like ladies, there are also hot chicks. Come on watch this show!

"Lost" - How is it possible this is the second to last episode of Lost ever? I still remember watching episode one 6 years ago and thinking, "Oh man. This is going to be one crazy ride." And it has been for real. Despite my disappointment in this last season, Lost rules. What the hell show am I going to recap after Sunday? Maybe there will be an awesome new show for us to watch/freak out about. Even if there is, I think we can all agree the WTF factor will never reach Lost levels.

So let's get to it. I feel like tonight was about checking things off a list before we get to the grand finale.

- Oh great the scenes from two weeks ago. Previously on Lost, everyone you love died. Isn't this show fun?

- Ok for real how come Sideways Jack keeps bleeding at the neck. I was going to say something about how he should be acting more worried about this, but then I thought about the number of times a day I notice some place on my body bleeding or bruised and have no recollection of how it happened and realized it wouldn't be a big deal for me either. Maybe it should be. Maybe it's because stuff is happening to me in an alternate reality somewhere. Sideways Sarah is definitely on an island tripping over rocks and fighting mosquitoes. And by "fighting" I mean "whining about".

- Yay Claire bonding with Jack and his son! And we all agree Jack's ex-wife will be Juliet, right?

- Ooh Desmond with an American accent. Still hot. But weirding me out.

- Oh Jack's sewing Kate up just like she did for him in the first episode. Full circle! Kate seems to be the only person who remembers Jin and Sun have a baby. Because Jin and Sun definitely did not remember. (Love you, Jin and Sun)

- We have to kill Locke. Dun-dun-duuun. Thanks, Kate. This is where my mom says, "No shit, Sherlock."

- Sawyer is scanning the ocean. Probably looking for Lapidus-I mean let's be honest. It's what I would be doing.

- OMG is Desmond going to run over Locke again? Cuz I don't want to watch that. Oh no apparently he's just going to kick Ben's ass. In both realities.

- I love how in sideways reality Ben is Locke's protector. Irony! I get it!

- Miles! You're alive! "Well I lived in these houses 30 years before you did. Otherwise known as last week." Holy Christ I missed Miles.

- Wait so are we still trying to blow up the plane then? I thought we had abandoned that idea. Dammit I can't keep up with the various modes of transportation and which ones we want to destroy.

- Oh boy they're at the Dharma camp. Site of a million massacres. Miles' dead person sensor is going cah-razy. Whoa-how does Richard Alpert know it's Alex talking to Miles? Oh he buried her. This show is full of laughs.

- Ben's closet is organized exactly how they organize closets when they stage houses on my favorite HGTV shows. He would probably have good luck selling this place.

- Mah! Widmore and Ben! Face to face! Reunited and it feels so good. By the way I just realized I've been spelling Widmore wrong. He's totally going to put me in an electromagnetic field.

- Wait did Jacob really visit Widmore? Did we see that? Ah can't remember! Someone help! Also maybe Whidmore should stay and protect "the light" so then my Losties can get the hell home.

- Ben is a doctor in sideways reality? I like how the school nurse was just so not impressed by that fact.

- Man even sideways Ben is ridiculously creepy. "He said he wants you to let go. I am crazy and will eat the heart straight out of your chest."

- Can I take a moment here and just say that watching guys put on ties is way hot. This post is boy-crazy.

- God for real, cop Sawyer. You are so effing hot.

- Okay Desmond is turning himself in for what he did to Locke and Ben. Why? To make them feel it? Oh. Sayid and Kate are in prison. It's a party!

- Back on the island. Oh boy Sawyer's feeling pretty guilty about the bomb. Haven't we all learned we should be listening to Jack? It's okay, Sawyer. Jack's right-it's on Fake Locke. Not you.

- Young Jacob Who Looks Exactly Like Old Jacob. Why does he need the ashes? Am I supposed to know whose ashes these are? Because I don't remember.

- Mah! Old Jacob! You were just Lucifer on "Supernatural"! "We're very close to the end, Hugo." Those are comforting words.

- Okay for real I am terrified of Terry O'Quinn when he's on the island. In just ONE show he plays both vulnerable man with a kind heart and literally a heartless monster. He's brilliant.

- Holy crap Ben is totally going to stand up to Fake Locke! Is this it? Is Ben going to die? Oh my God now Richard's going to talk to him? Why don't you two make like Miles and get the hell out of there? Man. I forgot how hot Richard was. But he might be like 5'4". AHHHH!! SMOKE MONSTER!! NO!! RICHARD!! Ben's what-the-fuck-just-happened look is priceless.

- Is that? Did Richard just die? Seriously? That can't be his death scene. I won't have it.

- Oh nice it took Ben all of 3 milliseconds to agree to kill everyone.

- Sideways reality. Ah! Crazy Danielle! How come even though she's cleaned up she still kind of looks crazy? Are Danielle and Ben going to get it on? I am going to freak the fuck out. Seriously I'm going to freak the fuck out!! Also Ben actually started crying when Danielle told him that he's the closest thing Alex has ever had to a father. How does this psycho make me feel emotion in my heart?

- Back on the island. I hate seeing the protective caring Ben in one world and then back to this other world where he's a ruthless killer. It's hard. I honestly hoped Ben would end up being good. Ah throat cut open! Gross! Bye, Zoey. You were annoying.

- You know what, Fake Locke, if you kill Penny I will end you. I am not even kidding. Last resort for what? You know what I would probably do? Lean in real close to the Smoke Monster to whisper stuff in his ear. Ugh, Ben! You're the worst. Oh yeah I forgot Widmore killed Ben's daughter. Okay I guess Ben can be angry. But if he goes after Jack, I'll punch him in his beady eyes.

- Yes, Kate. Demand answers from Jacob. It's too bad nobody thought to do that earlier. They could've really saved themselves some trouble. And some Lapidus.

- Okay so duh we know one of them will have to protect the island. Is he going to tell us why Kate wasn't on the list?

- Back in sideways reality. Is Locke going to get the surgery? OMG I had to rewind when Locke asked Jack if that was his son in the picture because I thought it was a middle aged woman with a mom haircut. And we're back to Jack being the man of science and Locke being the man of faith. It's weird. But kind of cool. That is all I have to say about this scene.

- Jacob by the fire. Telling us stuff we already know. Come on. We just saw this episode last week. Okay here we go. He picked them all because they were all alone and looking for something. They need the island as much as it needs them. And Kate's crossed off because she's a mother. I can almost see the dry erase board in the writer's room with a list on it that says "Remaining unanswered questions", and the writers just checking them off while writing this scene. I like how Jacob's like, "You guys pick." And of course Jack volunteers immediately. Right there is where I wish Jacob would say, "Oh really? Wow if I had known it'd be that easy, I'd have ask you months ago!" Jack, as much as I don't want you to stay on the island alone, you were totally born to do this. You're right. From day one, you were the guy. You were the hero. It has to be you. Don't worry I will come to the island to live with you and make lots and lots of kids-or die trying.

- Sidenote: What the hell is up with the movie "Splice". Holy shit.

- So…no one's gonna say bye to Jack? Or, "Hey, thanks for sacrificing YOUR ENTIRE LIFE to save us all?"

- "Now you're like me." Does that mean Jack is immortal now? Cuz I am okay with a world in which Jack Shephard never dies. Also it's totally not fair that Jacob got eternal life by drinking wine, and Jack had to drink dirty river water. I'd be like, "Where's the Franzia?"

- Sideways reality. Ugh Ana Lucia. Dirty cop. She's the worst. Someone should shoot her in the stomach. You guys! That's mean!

- I like how Hurley knows everyone from island reality now. What's the plan, Desmond? Get everyone together at the concert and…? I have no idea, but I am freaking out for this in the finale.

- Back on the island. Desmond isn't in the well. Did Jack get him? And how is Desmond going to help him destroy the island? My brain hurts! Also didn't Fake Locke just promise the island to Ben? Whoops. Sorry, Ben. You just cannot trust smoke to keep its promises.

3 days until the finale. Oh my God!!

BRB

Just popping in to say that I'm still here. I'm just still recovering from running the 10k on Sunday. Here were my exact thoughts as I crossed the finish line: "Someone kill me."

We have much TV to talk about. I'll be back tonight to do this thing.

Peace out, motherbitches.

Blinded by the light

Hello, lovers. Yes it's really 4:30 am, and I am up. I passed out in my recliner like 6 hours ago and just woke up. Obviously I am now watching "Numb3rs" and blogging.

I'm on my new migraine medicine which I wrote about a couple weeks ago. I started a week and a half ago, and as promised by my doctor, I feel really weird. He says it's actually changing my brain functionality and how my heart pumps. So every afternoon, I get dizzy and hot. Then my eyes get weird, and I can't focus. And I am soooo tired. None of this is news. My doctor said it will take a few weeks for my system to get used to the drug. But it is making it hard for me to not pass out whenever I sit still. Thus I am blogging at 4:30am.

So I am on formspring now. You can go there and ask me questions, and I will answer them. Or you can use the box over to the left. I know there are so many questions everyone is dying to ask me. For example, 2 weeks ago, my lovely Biscuit asked me a question that I just answered 15 minutes ago about what life skills I will be passing on to my niece or nephew. I just want to say right now that I usually won't take 2 weeks to answer questions, and also Biscuit is pretty and funny and nice. (Do you forgive me, Biscuit?)

Note to Coolerboy: Last week's "Community" was amazing.

Last night, Channel 5 tried to kill me with its breaking weather news report. Because of them, Lost started 15 minutes late. That translated into angry Sarah while I was watching it on DVR. I had to wait until today for the the full episode to be posted on abc.com.

So I watched it tonight. Here is a quick summary of my feelings: Lots of info which was awesome. The acting was superb. But: wtf. I miss my Losties. I miss Lapidus. Sigh...Lapidus.

Uh oh-someone on Numb3rs is having sex right now. I am uncomfortable. Let's go back to math please, Numb3rs!

As usual, my thoughts as I had them.

- Hey that girl's pretty. Who's she? I just got really scared they were going to show a shark fin.

- Oh and there on the beach is the basket Moses floated in down the river.

- Uh oh. Pregnant lady on the island. Her baby's not going to make it, is it?

- Allison Janney!! Not. Looking. Good. Yikes. I'm sure she's really going to help this poor girl. "Hey I'm terrifying. Come with me if you want to die-I mean live! Live. Hahahaha. Why do you look so nervous?"

- There was a weird noise and now they speak English? That's like in "The Hunt for Red October" when they start out speaking Russian then the camera zooms in and zooms out and they're speaking English. At any rate, it's very helpful to me as I am too lazy to read while watching television.

- Hey wait is this maybe Jacob's mother? OHMIGOD I am amazing. I'm sure no one else in the world guessed she was Jacob's mother. Say wha?? Another baby? This has to be smoke monster baby, yes?! Smoke monster and Jacob are twins!!! "It's another boy. He's made of smoke." Damn those babies are cute. Even if one of them is evil. I have evil baby fever. Oh by the way, I don't like to read about Lost theories because they confuse the issue for me, but I do remember reading one thing a while ago about how Jacob and Smoke Monster might be brothers so don't be all like, "Duh everyone knows these are the famous Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum brothers from biblical times!" cuz I'll punch you.

- Oh what a huge surprise Allison Janney turned out to be a kidnapping psycho. I must say, Allison Janney is the shit as far as actresses go so this is fantabulous casting. Well done, Lost!

- Aw, young Jacob and Smoke Monster are cute playing Mancala. I like how they even got a blonde and a brunette. One question: why does the brunette have to be evil, huh, Lost? What exactly are you trying to say here!? By the way, young Jacob is who Fake Locke/Smoke Monster sees in the forest all the time, right?

- Speaking of, that kid looks exactly like old Jacob. Unreal.

- Holy crap I am terrified of Allison Janney. By the way, she totally loves Smoke Monster the best. He's her favorite.

- How does she know they'll live forever? Who is she dammit?

- Ah! Natives! I am so scared of natives.

- Okay I actually kind of love Smoke Monster, too. I am already angry on his behalf for whatever happens to him that turns him into a meanie shapeshifter.

- It would be pretty awesome if at the end of Lost, the two brothers realized that blood is thicker than water and made up and that's how it all ended. How angry would everyone in the world be except me?

- Magic tunnel of light! It's our time down here, Goonies! It's our time down here.

- Okay so the candidate is the person who will protect the light on the island. But I'm going to be honest-I’m not entirely clear on what the fuck the light is. Is it eternal life? Also let's think back here, no one besides Whidmore and Dharma have actually come to the island willingly. Jacob brings them there. She's all like, "So many people are going to come here to try and take it." Really? It seems like so many people are coming there and dying not knowing why they're on the island in the first place.

- Mancala! Uh oh-one day Jacob will make up his own game. I think we all know what that is. "Touch People Inappropriately and Bring Them to the Island" game. It's more fun than Scattergories!

- These kids have Claire hair.

- How come Jacob can't see dead people?

- Adolescence is so hard. Even when you're made of vapor and have been granted eternal life. Are you there, God? It's me, Smoke Monster.

- Quit being a pussy, Jacob! Go see the other side of the island, you mama's boy.

- Man I knew I'd end up feeling bad for Smoke Monster. Imagine finding out at 13 that your whole life's a lie then your twin brother punches you in the face 1700 times (sidenote: alarming). No wonder he's spent eternity trying to get off the island.

- Why is she convinced those people are bad? Does she just hate people in general? "Am I good, mother?" Uck-come on, Jacob! Grow a pair! Uh-oh. He totally called out Allison Janney for liking Smoke Monster better. This is so unfair. He totally has to be the kid who stays and does what his crazy mom says to make her happy because his brother rebelled. I know real siblings like this. It sucks being the one who stays behind. Poor Jacob.

- Grown up Jacob. Who might actually be related to the younger Jacob in real life. Oh, Jacob-always seeking mother's approval. Never quite getting what you need from her.

- I like Jacob and his brother getting along. And I totally feel for both brothers-one wanting desperately to see what else is out there and one not wanting to leave the only home he's ever known.

- Allison Janney's hair is…completely off the reservation.

- Oh and this is shocking-Jacob's a tattletale. "Mommy, Smokey's leaving the island!"

- Oh God she has the crazy eyes again. What's she going to do? I'm scared. Is she going to turn Smoke Monster into an actual smoke monster now?

- Donkey wheel explanation that doesn't really make sense? Check!

- Oh God here we go. She's going to kill him, turn him into smoke. It's the great smoke out.

- As Allison Janney was explaining how Jacob is now the protector of Marsellus Wallace's soul, MY DVR CUT OUT.

- Jacob has awesome pouty little kid face. "I don't want to protect this place." "I don't care!" Awesome! I do feel so bad for him. He lived his entire life never having any say in it.

- Allison Janney killed all of Smoke Monster's friends. God how many massacres have there been on this island? I feel really bad for Smokey. Also I am terrified cuz he is piiiiissed.

- Jacob's like, "I'll see you back home." Allison Janney's like, "Yeah. Don't count on it."

- AH! Stabby McStabberson!! Also: gross.

- Jacob's all, "You killed my mommy!" Into the vaginal tunnel of light! Aaaand…a smoke monster is born.

- Okay so I realize that both Jacob and Smokey are responsible for the deaths of a lot of my Losties, but, um, this is really sad. I feel so bad for both brothers. Ugh. Dammit, Lost.

- So the mother and Smokey's bodies are "Adam & Eve"-the corpses our Losties found in the cave? Yes! I am awesome.

- SHIRTLESS, SHORN JACK!!! More of this please!! Oh and they gave me more. Mmmm…

- Okay that scene is from like season 1 or something, right? Do you think the writers knew at the time what they were doing? Or do you think they wrote this later part of the story to match what happened in season 1? Cuz if they knew back then what they were going to do 5 seasons later…that's pretty bad ass.

Now is the time when you comment and tell me what is going on and what I missed. I am surprisingly dense so have at it. Also feel free to post any stills of shirtless Jack.

Today's injury

I was in the shower and grabbed the razor to shave. I stuck it behind my head to put it under the shower head so I could rinse it off and as I did, I totally nicked my chin. It immediately started bleeding. I immediately started laughing. I was like, "Oh my God-I'm totally going to have to put a little piece of toilet paper on my face." I cut my face shaving my legs, you guys.

My friend Dan's reaction to this story: "Oh I was wondering what the hell happened to your face."

Awesome.

P.S. I got an email from a store I sometimes shop at, and this was the subject line: "Introducing Z. Cavaricci Couture!‏" Am I in junior high again? Will the next email be about Skidz?

I'm sorry non Lost watchers but there are only a few episodes left

So my computer's been out of a commission for a few days because I broke the power cord. Unfortunately, I didn't notice until most of my battery was drained. It is sad how much I missed my computer. It was like the 1800s up in here. Luckily I am back in business. And right in time for Lost. It's a sign. Jacob probably had a hand in it.

So, um, we never talked about the number of times I shat myself over the past couple episodes. Ana Lucia 2 exploded? Shat. Desmond hit Locke with the car? Shat. Holy criminy. Did anyone see that coming?

Also? I MAY have had book club on Friday and we MAY have talked about Lost and I MAY have had a bit of a meltdown about how this season has been going-or not going really-and I MAY have scared my friends with my intensity. The main message I was trying to convey was this: there is a fine line between being along for the ride and being taken for a ride and right now I feel I'm being taken for a ride, and that makes me angry after 6 years of fierce loyalty. Give me an ending. I deserve it. But despite my annoyance, this show is essentially crack, and I care about the characters so I will watch, absorb, recap and, most importantly, curse liberally.

Tonight's Episode: Locke is mean, Whidmore is mean, Lost writers are mean

- Is Jack ever going to cut his hair again? Like ever?

- Alterna-Locke is a candidate! Dum-dum-duuuum!!! Get the fucking surgery, Locke! Also I love Peggy Bundy. Is she just totally adorable or what? She just like walks up and makes out with Jack for saving Locke. I totally want to be one of those ladies who gets away with doing stuff like that and people think it's charming. Rather than creepy and a violation of their personal space, like they do now.

- Okay I'm gonna need Chip to stop being all "I'm a tough nerd with a gun." Short sleeve flannel over long sleeve shirt, Chip. Come on. I'm also gonna need some clear cut answers on who's good and who's bad on this island.

- Bernard! It's not like I missed you at all, Bernard. It's not like you and Rose fill my heart with hope and happiness. It's not like there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight. I ain't missin' you at all-no matter what my friends say.

- Okay so Alterna-Jack should be sufficiently creeped out, right? That he has run into like 4 people from his flight? Also, I like how Bernard's like, "Of course I remember Anthony Cooper's name. I am amazing and funny and a loving husband. Now excuse me while I go back to creating these teeth molds. Did you know Okay Seriously's sister, Diane, once puked when the orthodontist tried to take this type of mold of her teeth? Talk to you later, Jack."

- Can I please have normal Sayid back? Please? At least Fake Locke is an intriguing bad ass. Weirdo Sayid's just scary.

- You know what a good answer to the question, "Why should I trust you?" is? "Because I could kill you." Oh okay. I'm feeling pretty good about this now.

- So Whidmore's putting them in cages for their own good. Do we believe him? If Sawyer and Kate relive their cage sex, I'll punch Sawyer right in his back pocket comb. Just kidding-he obviously doesn't have a comb with him. Yipes. Sorry, Kate, it's true-they don't need you. Anyone know why? Why isn't she a candidate? Is it because she's a criminal? Because she can't pick between Sawyer and Jack? Because she looks ridiculously hot even when she is unshowered and wearing no makeup?

- OMG Jin and Sun lovey dovey reunion. Loving this.

- Can anyone say "Uh-oh" more hilariously than Lapidus? Jeff Fahey rules. During my meltdown, I yelled out that he is the only one I really care about being alive at the end. That may have been the craziness talking, but I think there's a hint of truth there.

- Oh God. Smoke monster. This is not good. You know what's probably a good defense against smoke? A gun. Dammit Chip. Seriously what if they just got some giant turbo speed fans and pointed them at the smoke monster? Then they could disperse him all over the place and someone could show Claire the way to the shower. Whoops sorry I'm losing focus. I just can't help it. She is gross. Ah! Chip! I can't believe those were the last words I ever said to you! Forgive me, my love/nerd.

- Oh yeah. Frank ain't waitin'. He is gonna kick this bitch down. His chest hair cannot be contained by some silly cage.

- Yay! Jack!! I love you! You're a hero! Wait or are you? Your hotness distorts my judgement.

- Alterna Jack is totally obsessed with making Locke walk again. Locke's dad is looking pretty good. Not! (yeah I just said that) So does Locke want to stay in a wheelchair because his dad is stuck in a wheelchair? Seems likely.

- Oh boy they made it to the plane. I'm sure they will take off without a hitch.

- Hi, I'm Fake Locke. I will break everyone's neck.

- Hi, I'm Frank Lapidus. I am amazing and can fly any plane.

- So Whidmore wants to kill all of them? Why? WHAT IS GOING ON FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!?

- Ah! A feral island lady! Oh no it's just Claire.

- Part of me is like, why would these people ever trust in and follow a person who is actually a smoke monster wearing their dead friend's body? The other part of me is like, man if I had been stuck on that stupid island for that long and someone-anyone-was telling me they'd get me off of it, I'd follow them anywhere. Then the other part of me is like, yeah but if Jack's staying on the island, I'd stay on the island so we can help repopulate the Earth-or something else that makes no sense whatsoever but would imply me having sex with Jack.

- Okay at least Sawyer doesn't actually trust him. That's good. And he's calls him 'it'. And he doesn't want to be stuck in a submarine with him.

- Sidenote: I just heard a horrible never-heard-before sound in my house, and now I want my daddy.

- Alterna Locke: Push the button! I wish you had believed me! Ahhh!

- Okay Claire and Jack talking in sideways world. Can I please have a touching brother-sister moment for God's sake? I only waited for it for like 4 years. Then when they reunited on the island Jack was like, "Hey we're related." And Claire was like, "I am insane and haven't showered in 13 months." Yeah Jack has to be freaking out now that he keeps meeting people on his same flight. Okay that was kind of cute how they showed the two of them in the mirror. "We're not strangers, we're family!" Yay!

- AH! Island Claire close up! I was unprepared.

- For real who is going to drive the sub? Oh there's the captain. Maybe they'll make him drive at gunpoint. Sawyer's like, "Put your damn hands up. H to the Izz-O, V to the Izz-A."

- Can't Kate be a little sad that she's leaving Jack behind forever? HOLYSHITTHEYSHOTKATE!!! They fucking shot Kate. This situation is out of control. HOLYSHITTHEYLEFTCLAIRE!!! Man that submarine looks totally real. HOLYSHITTHEBOMBDOUBLECROSSIJUSTSHATMYPANTS!!! Not a commercial break! Dammit!

- For real if they blow up everyone on that sub, I'll punch someone. Lapidus is on that sub goddammit.

- I think the captain of the sub is like, "You guys are a pretty organized unit here. Dive, go back up."

- Whoa is regular Sayid back!? He seems kind of normal, yes? I am feeling glimmers of hope.

- Oh God, Jack, please be right. Please. I swear to God if that sub blows up… Okay I can't breathe.

- I knew it. I knew Sayid didn't kill Desmond. He's still good, you guys! Um. Sayid? No. Sayid, no! SAYID, NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- No. Fucking. Way. Um, did Sayid just kill himself to save them? My wonderful, heroic Sayid finally comes back, and they kill him off!? I will kill you off, writers!!!

- Oh HELL NO!! I KNOW they didn't just kill off my boyfriend Frank! I honestly…I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just. I'm at a loss. How do I live without you, I want to know. How do I breathe without you, if you ever go. How do I ever…ever survive?? How do I, oh, how do I live…without your chest hair.

- Okay I cannot take this. Sun and Jin. No no no. I am not okay. Why are they doing this to me? What about their daughter?

- I need to pause here and take a breather. And by breather I mean wipe off the tears that are literally streaming down my face.

- I really need the alternate reality to be the actual reality. Because island reality is too heartbreaking for me.

- Ugh. In this reality Locke paralyzes his father. Okay alternate reality now heartbreaking. But still at least everyone is alive.

- Okay Sawyer's alive. He's one of very few. Yeah I can't take Hurley crying about Jin and Sun. Hurley's not supposed to cry.

Fuck. This. Episode.

It's not surprising that they're starting to kill off all the main characters. I think we all knew this was coming. But it's still disappointing. I was kind of hoping we'd be able to do this a different way. I hope they go somewhere with this soon.

I realize I don't really talk about theories on this show anymore. That is because I really have none. It tires me out because I just feel like we probably won't get answers. I am the opposite of Jack: where he once was a man of reason, he's now a man of faith. Well I was once a woman of faith, and now I am a woman of reason. What I'm trying to say is, I am Paula Abdul and he is MC Skat Kat.