Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Things/People that have fallen the past week

1.  Butler University

2.  Kirstie Alley and Maksim Longname

3.  Southwest Flight 812 (20,000 feet in the sky)

4.  Not gas prices

5.  Me

Yes it's true-fucking UConn won the tournament.  Oh and I fell this weekend.  I know everyone is surprised as I am usually the very picture of grace and poise.  Let me describe the events as they happened:

Saturday evening, 6:30pm:  I clamp my 450 degree flat iron down on my left forearm

Saturday night, 12:30am: An almost full bottle of wine tips over in my fridge, the top pops out, wine spills all over the bottom of my fridge and into a huge puddle on my kitchen floor.  It's my favorite wine. 

Sunday evening, 5:30:00pm:  I walk into my house, my arms filled to the max with stuff including an 18 roll pack of toilet paper (it should last me a couple days).  My ankle gives out and in slow motion I begin my long descent onto my ass but not before realizing that I'm also falling onto my wooden laundry drying rack which is full of clean clothes.

Sunday evening, 5:30:15pm:  I'm on the floor looking around for witnesses which makes sense since I was in my house and I live alone.  My knee is throbbing, my arm is screaming.  I realize with horror that I have squeezed the Charmin.  The laundry rack...is no more.  We did battle.  It lost.  Goodbye, sweet laundry rack that I've had since I was a freshman in college.

Sunday evening, 5:35pm:  I realize the reason my arm literally feels like someone is sandpapering an open nerve is that I landed on my horrible, most likely 2nd degree burn (I'm not exaggerating) from the day before and all the burnt skin has been ripped off my arm.

Monday morning, 8am:  I wake up unable to move because my back is spasming so bad.  I work from home.  I ice my knee.  I take muscle relaxers.  They are awesome.

Monday afternoon, 3:30pm:  I watch "Raiders of the Lost Ark".  I silently thank whoever made the "creative" decision to have Harrison Ford's shirt unbuttoned for 80% of the movie.

Present day:  You are wondering why I included the bit about the wine spilling since it had nothing to do with me falling or my injuries.  It's just that I am still mad about it.

Seriously, though, how fucking expensive is gas right now.  I'll punch someone.  Once I can move.  And my epidermis is intact.


Russ said...

I don't know if I respect myself after giving in and watchinng the Kirstie fall. But I do love to watch a good fall, particularly in slow motion. You see a lot of muscle instinct during, often (preferably) get to marvel at how they contorted in such a way without getting hurt, and then see the various attitudes one chooses to cope with the embarrassment.

I like that your 5-step recovery process includes baring it on the internet, thanks for that.

Also, was it your favorite wine before it was on the floor, or after?

Russ said...

O, and Kirstie's was not a "good fall". They were practically already on the ground, and the guy rolled an ankle or something. No drama.

Fizzgig said...

ooooh flat iron burns are the worse! i still have a scar on my leg from last summer.

i keep getting 15 dollars worth of gas and seeing how far i can push the old stratus after the gas light comes on.

one day i got to 89 miles. this wont be funny when i run out of gas and no one can afford to come save me.

Working Kitten said...

If it helps at all in the UK we're currently paying around £1.40 a litre, which is £5.29 a gallon, which equates to $8.63 a gallon (if i got all my conversions and maths right!). Its somewhat painful!

Idea #527 said...

You poor thing!

Sometimes it's like we're separated at birth. . .

Spilled wine is never a laughing matter. Ever.

I had my hands full at a DQ one night and did the cool push open the door with my back thing...yeah, there was apparently a large, long, metal handle knob on the back side of the door. WHY?? I don't know. It already had the standard push/pull thing on it. But the next day I had a HUGE bruise on my back.

Johnny Virgil said...

I think I just realized that per gallon, gas is more expensive than Sarah's favorite wine.

Natasha said...

I got a bike! My 1 mile ride to the gym, or my friends house make me feel better about the 22 miles I drive roundtrip to work. SUCK IT gas prices.... one trip to the gym at a time.

Blogger said...

Find out how THOUSAND of people like YOU are making a LIVING online and are living their dreams right NOW.

Get daily ideas and methods for making THOUSAND OF DOLLARS per day FROM HOME for FREE.