Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Rural Juror*

Tomorrow I begin jury duty.  I have never been called for jury duty before so I'm not exactly sure what to expect.  To prepare, I watched "The Juror" starring Demi Moore and Alec Baldwin.  Here is the plot summary:

"When Annie Laird is selected as a juror in a big Mafia trial, she is forced by someone known as "The Teacher" to persuade the other jurors to vote "not guilty". He threatens to kill her son if she doesn't commit. When the trial is over, he can't let her go..."

I'm fairly sure this is how it will be for me.  So now I will watch "The Sopranos" to figure out how to deal with the mob.  Just kidding, I'm going to watch "Corky Romano".  No not really-I will not put myself through that.  Again. 

Actually let me just put this out there for any Mafia enforcers thinking of using me as the person to convince a jury of something:  I will make an absolute nightmare juror.  I can't even make a decision about where to go to lunch without it turning into the most trying ordeal anyone around me has ever experienced.  If someone says, "Where do you want to go eat?", I just shut down.  I will not decide.  John, unfortunately, has taken the brunt of this indecisiveness so when I told him I pulled jury duty, he had some comments:

"Being on a jury with you would mean me facing a jury shortly after."

"If you make it on a jury it will end up being a hung jury...because everyone else will hang themselves while you decide."
Things I am wondering:
1.  Will there be a lawyer there that looks like Matthew McConaughey?
2.  What if the judge tells me to dismiss something I just heard?  How can I do that?  I can't unhear something.  Like I can't unhear the Daughtry remake of "Photograph".  It's in there.
3.  Will I get a chance to say, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"?

4.  Can I use this technique to get out of jury duty?

*Tell me you watch "30 Rock".


Johnny Virgil said...

Hope that none of the other jurors have B.O. I once spent a week in a room with 11 other people, one of which wore the same clothes every day. Peers, my ass.

Green Dog Wine said...

I LOL'ed as soon as I saw the title - I watch 30 Rock. Best episode is when Pete is suggesting what the title might be! "Oral Germ Whore? No, no..."

Sarah said...

Could it be "roar her, gem her"?

Julie said...

When I did jury duty, the lawyer didn't look like Matthew... one of mine kinda looked like Corky Romano, the other looked like Jeff VanVonderen from Intervention...

We got stuck with a grouchy old man that couldn't fathom the idea that a man that would deal drugs repeatedly around his children would have guns around them. It took us HOURS to convince him that the facts were the facts.

Idea #527 said...

My Dad's BFF is on jury duty right now in Chicago. He's on the Grand Jury. He said they've done 37 cases since April 4th. He also figured out he was making $2.38 a day.

Good luck!!

And 30 Rock is the Best!

jessica fantastica said...

A friend of mine just hired a lawyer whose real name is Matthew McConahaughey (it's really spelled the same, I just can't spell it). Maybe you need to come to DFW and break some laws. Or serve on a jury. Same thing right?

Idea #527 said...

Did you see 30 Rock on Thurs when they had that scene of her doing jury duty?? :)

Fizzgig said...

if i were your boss id write you a letter about how indispensable you are, and how the company doesnt run the same without you around. and you wouldnt have to go.

im good at screwing the government out of free labor.

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