Monday, February 28, 2011

Liveblogging the Oscars

So I actually decided to watch the Oscars tonight.  Lately I've been trying to avoid them, but I like a few of the films I've seen, and there are a lot of other ones I want to see.  Also I haven't had enough of James Franco lately.  Let's get started:

This intro is hilarious. Alec Baldwin rules everything. You guys watch "30 Rock", right? You do. Also Morgan Freeman just introduced James Franco as "the star of General Hospital". Classic.

I love Anne Hathaway.  She's so likeable, and in my heart she will always be Mia from The Princess Diaries. Pretty dress, Anne!

Art direction blah blah blah. Bo-ring!

Kirk Douglas is still charming and feisty. I love it. Hey is Michael Douglas okay? Wasn't he sick? Melissa Leo just dropped the f-bomb. Awesome. Also she guest starred on an episode of "Veronica Mars" once where she played a transgendered man. I've decided I like her.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis…what is happening. Do they have bad timing together or is this just supposed to be unfunny? If that's the case, mission accomplished.

Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem-matching tuxes. Cute. Holy crap can you imagine having dinner with Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz? You would have no fucking idea what anyone was saying the entire time.

Professional screenwriters should give all awards speeches.

Is anyone really surprised to see James Franco in a dress? I mean come on. Let's get real.

I cannot believe they are remaking Arthur. Also…I really want to hate Russell Brand, but goddammit he's kind of charming, right? Have you seen him on a talk show? He's, like, lovable. Dammit, Russell Brand. Damn you.

I have to say, I'm enjoying the fancy ponytails tonight on Anne and Reese. How can I do that with my hair?

I am very sad that Geoffrey Rush didn't win Best Supporting Actor because he was amazing. I swear to God if Colin Firth doesn't win for Best Actor, I will riot. It just doesn't get any better.

Uh oh, Anne, weird dress and hair alert. You look like a bird.

Okay this movie soundtrack montage is my favorite thing ever. I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am a total movie soundtrack nerd. I love orchestra music and I love movies and I LOOOVE movie soundtracks. Listening to movie soundtracks is an Okay Seriously family past time. Also ET happens to be one of my favorite movie scores of all time. I am geeking out here.

Hey when is Matthew McConaughey going to be in a new movie? I need to see him with his shirt off.

I will say this, make up artists amaze me. How do they do it? Cate Blanchett made me laugh when she said, "That's gross" after the scenes from The Wolfman because I was literally thinking the same thing. Ah I see Rick Baker is still rocking the old man ponytail. Classy! Is Rick Baker purporting to be straight? Because…huh?

Okay favorite song from a movie? It is impossible for me to pick one. I have been sitting here for 15 minutes, paralyzed, trying to think of just one. It cannot be done so I am going to let myself off the hook. But please feel free to tell me yours.

Um…Chuck's going to sing with Mandy Moore? What? Whoa…he's good! Seriously…what is happening?

Jake Gyllenhaal wants me to see more short films. How the hell do you even go see a short film? I'm for real asking. Holy shit I finished typing that, and two seconds later afro guy who won for Best Live Action Short Film told me I could watch short films on iTunes. Get out of my mind, Afro Short Man!

James Franco, I'm trying to decide if you're funny or awkward.

Oy-a huge misstep with this autotune musical montage. Except for Taylor Lautner's abs.

Oprah! Somewhere Steph is freaking out right now. They are BFFs (in her mind). She is also Mind BFFs with Andy Cohen. Holy boobs, Oprah. Fabulous! If I met Oprah in person she would definitely think I was an ass. Why aren't the documentary people more excited to meet her? This is how I feel when I show people a picture of my nephew, and they don't react with enough enthusiasm for how cute he is. I get annoyed. Sidenote: He is the cutest ever. Another sidenote: You guys know I'm not political, but FOR FUCKING REAL. Why aren't any financial executives rotting in jail right now?!? Okay enough of that. I want to meet Oprah. And my nephew is so cute they had to make a new scale to measure cuteness.

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. have great chemistry. Should I see the Sherlock Holmes movie?

Okay the editors for The Social Network just hugged before they did their speech. That was super cute. Does David Fincher ever smile?

I don't love any of the songs nominated so I really don't care what wins. I think I'll vote for the one from Tangled because I love Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi. Or Randy Newman. Whatever. I don't care. Wait he's only won 2 times? That is shocking. He's for real nominated every year. I'm loving his speech. He's like, "I'm quirky and old, and I will say whatever I want."

Oh God the "In Memoriam" section. Leslie Nielsen! How much do you love Leslie Nielsen? Kobayashi from Usual Suspects! Lynn Redgrave! Jill Clayburgh? She died? Sad! Dennis Hopper! Um…no Corey Haim? Fuck you, Academy. Also did I miss Rue McClanahan because that is seriously messed up if they left her off.

Anne's blue shiny dress is not good.

Remember when Hilary Swank was on "90210"? She has 2 Oscars now. Just reminding everyone.

Annette Bening's hair is getting more insane every year. She is now 7 inches taller than she was 10 years ago.

Jeff Bridges! My eternal older man crush. No judging please. He is delicious. So there was no question Natalie Portman was going to win Best Actress, right? I mean I wrote this before they even announced the winner. I haven't seen Black Swan nor do I plan to, but I love Natalie Portman, and she's really good so I'm completely fine with this.

I couldn't love Sandra Bullock more. Literally. I need Jesse Eisenberg to laugh at her jokes. She's funny and delightful, Jesse! Okay SERIOUSLY. Colin Firth better win this. I will lose it if he doesn't. YESSSS!! You guys, I'm telling you. This is ridiculously well deserved. Go see this movie if you haven't already. I love you, Colin Firth.

Oh my. Anne's last dress is a nightmare.

Steven Spielberg! Jurassic Park theme song! I'm just saying.

Wow. I loved The King's Speech, but I'm actually surprised it won. I thought for sure The Social Network would win it. Yay! I think the last time I saw the winning picture was Titanic. I only saw that one 3 times in the theater. Didn't we all? Just admit it. Okay I just looked it up, and I saw The Departed which won in 2006 (fucking awesome movie) and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (fucking awesome movie).

These singing kids are cute. I'm almost positive these are the same kids who sang at the lighting of the White House Christmas tree.  That fun fact is brought to you courtesy of HGTV.  I love you, HGTV!

In summation: I'm pretty sure James Franco was high tonight.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

My first attempt at using the Blogger app for Droid

Dear 100 year old man driving (swerving) in front of me last night,

I already assumed you shouldn't be driving (swerving) when I saw your old man hat and your handicapped sticker. But then you sealed it for me when, in a fit of confusion, you just stopped your car in the middle of an intersection. I was not surprised when I passed you and you had an oxygen mask on. I tried to get your attention to see if you needed help, but you didn't see me. I think the best way for me to help would be if I TOOK YOUR LICENSE AWAY FOREVER. Seriously, it's over. I'm sure you're a lovely man whose family would very much like you alive and/or not in jail for vehicular manslaughter. Also I do like that hat. It is so grandpa-y.


Note: If this app works, expect mini posting to be my new thing.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Another Valentine's Day, another bottle of wine consumed

Happy Valentine's Day!  Yes, it's a stupid holiday.   But my cold heart was warmed tonight when I went to dinner with my friends and cuddled with my perfect nephew.  He's so cute, it's painful.  He smiles all the time now, has huge beautiful dimples and a butt chin, and when you lean in to kiss him he opens his mouth.  It's slobbery and amazing. 

Saturday, in honor of VD (you guys are gross), we bar hopped and shared stories of all the kids who broke our hearts when we were little.  For example, Bryan B. totally checked "No" when I asked him to go with me in 5th grade.  And in 2nd grade, Mike M. dumped Steph because she had red hair which he said was "ugly"-even though he had red hair, too.  Uncool, Mike!  Many, many, many, many drinks were consumed and lots of fun was had.  Also Steph and I totally looked like slutty moms-lots of cleavage paired with cardigans.  Listen I don't want to give up showing off the ladies, but also I'm cold.  Thus "Inappropriate PTA Mom" (that's what I called myself.)

Okay random stuff:

- Go see "The King's Speech".  It's wonderful and feel good, and the acting is literally as good as it gets. 

- "This is not my generation." - Our friend's girlfriend, while walking off the dance floor at a birthday party, 10 seconds after "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan started playing and 5 seconds after Diane, Drew, Matt, Woody and I were like, "Yeah!  Now we're talking!  Awesome song!"

- Hey.  I have a serious question:


Thursday, February 03, 2011

This is my version of Access Hollywood only without any interviews or facts or anything of interest to anyone

We can talk Hollywood, right?  I'm pretty sure nothing important is going on anywhere else in the rest of the world.  There is certainly no history making, attention demanding, political uprising happening anywhere.  That's for sure.  I think we're clear to proceed with talking about the things that really matter.

1.  I like James Franco, okay?  I do.  But I just...I need like a breather away from him.  He is seriously constantly in my face.  A lot of women think he is uber hot.  I am not one of them.  I think he's cute in that "weird dude who sits in the back of my Religion 101 class and sleeps-I mean I guess he's kinda cute I just wish he wasn't high all the time" way.  I do like him, though (hello, General Hospital appearance!?).  I just need like 5 minutes.  Five minutes Franco free.

2.  New shows: 

- Off the Map.  This is Grey's in the jungle.  I'm not in love with it, but I like the jungle medicine.  And it has my beloved Matt Saracen so I will watch it until it is off the air or my eyeballs no longer work.  Speaking of Matt Saracen, sweetest most wonderful character on television, why aren't you watching Friday Night Lights again?  Let's get going here.  The final season starts April 15th on NBC so you have time to catch up before then. 

- Perfect Couples.  I watched this one because it was after Community.  It was not awesome but kind of charming.  However, I thought tonight's episode was hilarious.  I like the cast (Olivia Munn is blah-but she's harmless and cute so I'm okay with it).  Plus hilarious phone commercial guy is in it and some hot guy with permanent party voice.  (Is this helping you learn the actors' names?)  And, okay, has anyone seen the movie "Fired Up"?  It's so stupid, but I love that movie.  There's a guy in it-he plays a dickhead boyfriend-and he's so funny I literally cannot deal with it.  At one point he and his friends are driving in his convertible singing "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba at the top of their lungs, and he's like, "Awesome song! Chumbawumba. It's the soundtrack of my life man!"  Dammit that's funny.  And his last scene of the movie had me giggling so uncontrollably, I had to pause the movie (yeah I actually rented it).  Anyway, that guy is on this show.  He plays Vance for those who watch it.  I don't know why, but I am seriously into this guy and his delivery.  Give him to me.

3.  Anyone watch Medium?  Did you see the series finale?  WORST. SERIES. FINALE. EVER.  Amiright?  I am so right!  Diane, Drew and I are pretending it never happened.  Seriously, Medium watchers, I want to hear from you.  What did you think of the HORRIBLENESS (real word)?

Sidenote:  You guys, I just had to pause this blog post because my nose was bleeding.  That is hot.

4.  "The Roommate" is this generation's "Single White Female", right?

5.  That movie "Hall Pass" totally stole Steph's pickup line ("Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?  Enough to break the ice.  Hi. I'm Steph.")  Note:  I have seen this work.
6.  I just saw a preview for something called "I Am Number Four".  a) What the hell is that?  b) Who the hell is this?

Seriously.  This guy is good.  He's good stuff.  Well done, genetics.  His name is like Alex BritishNameHotGuy, and I'm pretty sure he's about 15.  Is everyone in the movies now 10-15 years younger than me?  That's what it feels like.  Excuse me while I go watch "Cocoon".  What's sad is, that's barely a joke.  I effing love Cocoon.  Guttenberg?  Brimley?  Yes please.

6.  Not Hollywood related, but I'm all about breaking the rules.  Last night I had dreams within my dreams.  Lots of them.  It was seriously my own version of  "Inception".  In one of them, I had a pet dragon (obviously) who I named Falkor.  I like how in my dreams, I'm still referencing pop culture (you guys know).  Anyway, Johnny Virgil read that on Twitter and then this happened over instant messaging:

From Johnny Virgil:

From Okay Seriously:

Work is fun sometimes.