Boston Pubic-I mean Public. You guys are gross.

So I'm in Boston. I'm here visiting my alma mater, Harvard. It's been a while since I've been in school, but does "alma mater" still mean "school that would rather shut down operations than accept me as a student"? Actually I have a work conference starting tomorrow. I came in early this morning so I could explore the city since I've never been here before. The first place I went was the Ted Williams Tunnel since that's currently the safest place on Earth. By the way-just a sidebar-who is this guy kidding? Does he really think he shouldn't be demoted?

Anyway, despite my hatred for the Boston Red Sox, this is a great city. It's so pretty and the buildings are neat, and it has so much history. Well, I mean I didn't actually experience any of the history, but didn't Paul Revere do something here once? Honestly, if I had more time I would do the Freedom Trail thing, but today my main focus was learning the layout of the city. And shopping. Here's the thing about traveling by yourself: on one hand it's awesome because you can do anything you want. On the other hand after a few hours of walking around the city all by yourself it really gets boring.

So far every single person I've met here has been really nice. Here are the people from Boston that I looked for but couldn't find:

Matt Damon
Ben Affleck
Dane Cook
New Kids on the Block
John Krasinski
Conan O'Brien

Where are you guys hiding?

Today I went to Quincy Market which was totally on Food Network a couple weeks ago. Then I went to Boston Common because there was a TV show called "Boston Common" on a few years ago that I used to like. Turns out it's just a big park. Then I walked all over the place and ended up on Newbury Street which is my favorite street in Boston I've decided. So many cute shops and restaurants. I stopped at one of them, and they gave me steak and mashed potatoes and wine, and all I had to do was give them money in return. Suckers! As I mentioned above, after about 5 hours of walking around the city by myself, I got bored. So I came back to my hotel room and watched "Stick It" which is a teen movie about high school gymnastics. For real. I remember when Steph, D and I saw the preview for it at another movie, I turned to them and said, "So right now I'm pretending like I would never go see that, but we're going, right?" It was no "American Anthem", but it was still good. Mitch Gaylord forever.

To the people of Boston: I don't know what the big deal is-none of you have any distinguishable accent from what I have seen so far. Just the same old way of pronouncing things.

To the people not of Boston: Holy shit, you guys. You should hear these people talk. It's just like the movies. I thought maybe in Hollywood they were exaggerating the accents, you know, for drama. No. That's how they really talk. The concierge guy was talking to me about what sites I should go see, and his accent was so thick I swear to God I almost started making out with him right there by the revolving door. Cute young guys with accents-my only weakness.

More highlights/observations:
- Remember when woodland creatures were scared of humans? Yeah they're not in Boston. I actually said "Excuse me" to a bird that's how close it was to me.
- The guy at the front desk loves me. His name is Francisco. Every time I see him I want to yell out, "Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco…Franciscooo…"
- Ken Barlow, channel 4 news' chief meteorologist, said this today I swear to God, "People say, 'It's a dry heat.' Yeah well so is an oven, but you're not gonna go in there." I heart Ken Barlow
- Also on channel 4 news is a reporter named Joe Shortsleeve. That sounds like a name I would give to a guy at work who wears short sleeves year round.
- I'm not cool. We can all agree on that, right? Well today I saw a store called Johnny Cupcakes, and I was like, "Yes! Cupcakes!" I walked up there, and there were two girls with aprons standing outside. I walked inside, and there were no cupcakes. Only bakery display cases filled with clothes and underwear. I tried to play it off like I totally knew that's what I was going to find when I walked in there, but I don't know if the girls bought it. Especially when I said, "Are these panties low-fat?" So I looked it up, and I guess it's some hip new clothing store. Whatever. I may not be cool, but here's what I know: there was no one in the store. No one. All I'm saying, Johnny, is maybe you would make more money if you actually sold cupcakes.

P.S. I just saw a preview for "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"-the new Matthew Perry show starting in the fall-and I just want to say: Awesome.