Last Labor Day, Steph and I tagged along on a trip Christy, Lisa, Meg and Sharda took to Virginia Beach. They went to run a half marathon. We went to get drunk and cheer them on and complain audibly about how much physical effort it took to cheer for people running a half marathon.
The first day we were there, we went to the runner registration/expo place at the convention center. After about 20 minutes, Steph and I needed alcohol to cancel out all the nutritional/energy drinks and food samples people kept giving us. We stepped outside to walk back to our hotel, and it was absolutely pouring. We saw a cab drive by, called the number on the side of the van, and the greatest cab driver in the world came and picked us up: Ken. We got in and he gave us bottles of water. Then he told us about all the cool places to go to. And when he dropped us off, he gave us a goodie bag.
Let's first go over what the outside of the bag says:
And just a recap of the contents we were to enjoy:
- Gum
- Advil
- Pepcid Complete
- Breathsavers
- Wet Ones
- A condom
Awesome. I used all of these things except one. Guess which one. If you said "Pepcid Complete", you're...wrong. :( If you said "a condom" and then said a little prayer and then breathed a huge sigh of relief when you figured out that my sad face emoticon means that "a condom" is, in fact, the one I did not use, you're my dad.
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5 comments:
So, in order:
[pukes on shoes]
"Oh Jesus, give me the gum. I have puke breath. [chews a piece and spits it on the ground.] I am too drunk to chew this. Give me the Breathsavers." [eats entire roll at once]
[Glancing down] "Mmmph! I'b gop puke on myb shhew. ON MY SHOE! Wet One! Gibbe a WET ONE!"
"I think the lifesavers gave me heartburn. Hand me the Pepcid. And an advil. Christ, my head's going to explode."
"Hey, wanna have sex? No? Is it my breath?"
The last cab driver I had put my suitcase on my foot. Admittedly, there was no other space because there were 7 of us with suitcases. But still ON MY FOOT. And you got a condom? No fair.
There is an award waiting for you over at my blog.
I found your blog through Courtney..I wish I had cab drivers like that where I live. I love the part about your dad. Too funny!
Not even as a water balloon? Next time use the condom as a water balloon. Then you can say you used it and no one will be the wiser...except you. But you don't count. It's other people you're trying to impress anyway, right?
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