Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I am a huge jerk

Sunday Diane, Drew and I went to Target. On our way out to the car we noticed that the car to the left of Diane's had party plates. If you are not familiar with party plates, in Ohio there's a law that if you get a certain number of DUIs you have to put these yellow license plates on your car to indicate that you are a repeat DUI offender. We obviously call them party plates.

So to the left of Diane's car was a car with party plates, and all three of us were like, "Whoo-hoo! Party plates! Ha-ha!" Then I looked at the car to the right of Diane's and that one had a vanity plate that basically said "God Bless". I stopped and pointed at both cars and said, "Look-it's like you have two ends of the spectrum here on either side of your car-God and drunk!" As I was saying it, Drew started giving me a look. I knew exactly what it meant: the party plates girl was right behind us. She had followed us out of the store, and there is absolutely no way she didn't hear what I said. Literally no way. So I did the mature thing and immediately walked back into the store. Drew and Diane came in a couple seconds later laughing their asses off.

I felt really bad, and Diane was like, "She probably didn't even hear you. She was looking in her purse." Drew goes, "No she definitely heard you. But don't worry about it. She was so hammered she didn't even know what was going on." That made me laugh really hard which compounded my guilt so if you're out there, Party Plates girl, I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better I was nursing a severe hangover which was the result of a wedding the night before where I drank my weight in vodka and stayed at a hotel instead of getting behind the wheel. Whoops-I'm even a judgmental ahole in my apologies. Seriously though, I'm sorry. Glass houses and all that.


Anonymous said...

You did good work with the hotel last weekend, and this weekend we do cabs after krustys. But one point I wanted to clear up, OH law mandates all offenders given driving rights during their suspension period, even first timers with high enough blood alcohol levels receive party plates. And it goes on all cars owned by the offender, so if this girl's parent or spouse owned the car, it could be their party plates and she is the one with the scarlet letter. Also, you can get a dui in ohio if you are riding a bike drunk. Seriously. This also could affect the party plate installation. Basically, I am just trying to serve as a reminder that this possibilty exists for all of us if we get lazy on calling the cabs or staying in the hotels so we have to continue to be rockstars with responsible traveling habits. Man, I sound like a preachy buzz kill.-steph

Raz said...

I want party plates. Can I get them without actually having done anything? Actually, over here we just have white plates at the front and yellow ones at the back (on most cars). Stupid UK.

Anonymous said...

In MN we have "Whiskey plates" for the same purposes. They have a string of characters starting with a W. Not as obvious as yellow plates.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...


Johnny Virgil said...

This is funny. In fact, I believe it totally deserves 5 vertically stacked Ha's.

Anonymous said...

Do party plate driving privvies give you the right to shop at Target? I always thought that you could only go to work and back. Is the car allowed to go to Target with an innocent driver (assuming one of Steph's scenarios)? I love Drew's comment about her being to drunk to notice your taunts. I'm still laughing about it.


Party Tard said...

I do stuff like that ALL THE TIME! I always want to crawl under a rock and die. This one time I was referring to a giant bumble bee and I go "Holy Hell! Look at the size of that one!" And I was standing next to a very obese yeah. Been there!

Thatgirl7278 said...

Just catching back up after being away. You crack me up girl. Seriously. I hope one of your "jobs I could be doing" is writing for a sitcom (or something better... maybe sitcom writers make caca for money? I don't know.). Anyways, just wanted to give a shout out. :) Have a good week.