I will punch the next "5-hour Energy" commercial I see in the face

Hear that loud whoosh sound?  That was August flying by.  What. the. eff.  seriously.  I'm sorry for the extended absence, but I have been so busy that essentially I never sit down at my house before 10pm, and the last thing I want to do is turn on my computer.  Tonight was my "free night" and yet this is the first real opportunity I've had to sit down.  See how it's after midnight?  This is what I like to call "bullcrap". 

Since it's so late, I'm going to phone it in.  Time for another edition of random text messages sitting in my cell phone inbox:

You were hilarious! Don't worry. Besides I made an aunt in a sari do "I like big butts" with me.

Homeless man just told me "I love it when u wear that dress." This means I prob made wrong choice right?

Fun game for my friends.  Who's boobs am I having lunch with? (the drink is bubbling and smoking) [ed. note: They are Meg's.]

Nice work.  I have Markinson.

Holy feet!  [ed. note:  You guys, these are my sister's feet from a couple weeks ago after her trip to Texas. W. T. F.]

Happy book clubbing.  I felt like in chapter 3 there was really good character development of Diane and how lame she is [ed. note: This is from my friend Jace. He and Diane are fake enemies. It provides me with endless hours of entertainment.]

I just said switcheroo in front of a high up manager.

new mexico states coach is named menzies

Let's hope for a penis up tuck.

Happy st. pats.  Hope you get effed by a leprechaun!