Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Things are getting a little hairy

Okay let's be honest with each other here. The past couple months, this blog has sucked total ass. I know it, you know it-let's not pretend. In fact, I took endless amounts of shit for it last weekend from Tony who is so blog-starved that any time I said anything at all including, "Diane, I know you said you keep your napkins above the fridge, but I don't see them" he said, "Why don't you blog about it?" And you guys are always so sweet and nice and I love you all so much so I owe you. So I kicked the scanner into high gear tonight for you. It's time for us to take a look at my hair...through the years. Let's do this.

First a disclaimer: I couldn't possibly scan every picture of my bad hair through the years. There are simply too many. So I just picked out some highlights. If you'd like to see the whole 31 year collection, stop on by. We'll look at pictures and drink some sangria and possibly make out. Look I can't say that it won't happen. That's all I mean.

Up until I was in 3rd grade, I had really cute hair. Then my mom and grandma did this to me:

They told me I would want it short for the summer-as if I was a dog. Thus began the era of my life where people confused me for a boy. I would also like to point out my sweet sweater and the fact that I am holding the game Boggle. This girl is on her way to "cool", that's for sure.

Don't worry because things totally improved in 4th grade when I got a perm:

Oh yeah. That's the good stuff. At least it's a relaxed perm. Also this is back when I used to work hard.

I let this perm grow out for years then in 7th grade...

Bangs! Oh yeah-look at the lovely shadow they cast on the wall. A true work of art.

As 8th grade approached, the bangs were swept to the side:

A - Awesome shirt and earrings

B - That is my upper body and my friend's legs. I have no idea what is going on or why we did this. Nor do I want to think about where my bottom half and her top half is. Gentlemen, don't you think about it either because I was 14 here and that makes you a sicko pedophile.

After this I apparently just stopped cutting my hair until 9th grade:

This is the classic look for grown out bangs-pulled back in a puff. I particularly like my outfit in this picture. It manages to not only make the eyes of everyone who look upon it spontaneously burst, but it is also incredibly unflattering.

Things started to get better once I was in 10th grade and up at the high school. Nothing in this picture is too horrible...

WAIT! I spy something beaded! I highlighted it for your viewing pleasure. It looks nice against my denim-on-darker-denim look. By the way, that is my first puppy, Pepper. I miss you, baby!

After I got rid of the tail, things definitely calmed down for me hair-wise with two exceptions: 1-I got a perm my junior year and came home and locked myself in the bathroom for 5 hours and 2-my Junior Homecoming hair:

Yikes. That is some big hair. And yes-that is a scrunchie you see. Hey, can you tell I used hair spray? Ew. Also check out that dress. Is that not the most perfect example of a dress worn to a high school dance in the mid-90's? It had a jacket for Christ's sake. I think I got it at Petrie's. Anybody remember that place? Classic.

When I was going through my pictures I ran across one that you guys had to see:

That is me on the left. IN THE STRETCHPANTS. Stretchpants!! I just...I don't...I'm not sure what to say here. I wore this. In public. I wore a man's shirt and stretchpants. I am shamed.

P.S. I kept my sister in this picture because she's totally going to homecoming in a cast here. We look a lot alike-we just wear different lipstick.

I'll leave you with one last picture that I think is important for you guys to see:

Yeah I did.


Carly said...

So it's YOUR fault that Lindsay Lohan wears tights everywhere???????

Mon said...

Holey crap, I had that same outfit in 9th grade!!! the tie dyed shorts jumper!!

petries? hell to the yea, I shopped there!

The flannel/stretchpants was totally happenin, the only thing you're missing is flats.

weesle909 said...

It's amazing that your smile hasn't changed a bit through all those years!

Lil Sass said...

Dear god, I accidentally deleted you from my blogroll. Aaaah, but alas ... I found you! I love this post and thankfully, all my bad hair pictures are in a box in California tucked safely away.
And secondly, I was never on the NKOTB train, sorry. I was the only girl in school secretly obsessed with Poison, Skid Row and Warrant. I know, it's shameful

Torrence said...

You are an amazing human being

Anonymous said...

Not to change the subject or anything, but did I miss your Lost season finale review blog?

Anonymous said...

on the upper-body/lower-body thing: I just kept wondering who took the picture.

danielle said...

how come you never pose like an airplane on peoples' beds anymore? i have never seen that in all my years of knowing you which is weird since we spend so much time together in peoples' beds. what?

ThatGirl7278 said...

That last one... are you on top or on the bottom?

PS - My mom chopped off all of my hair too. Only I was 21. *sigh*

Sassy Blondie said...

If those pictures were of a blonde girl, they could have been pictures of me. Except that my dress was royal blue...

I can't recall ever being on top of my friends, however...

sleeptalker said...

De-lurking to say I can't share the NKOTB thing (I was into old school southern rock during their reign and just couldn't find the love) ... but ...

I'm right there with you with the bad hair (including the infamous "asymetrical" look that I wimped out on and ended up with an extreme version) and the tie-died jumper (mine was from Panama City Beach, Florida, thank you very much, and may have even included a tacky logo saying so).

Anyway, thanks for this post ... it made me laugh out loud.