Live together, die alone

Before we get to the Lost finale, I need to mention this TV related item: Did anyone watch “Glee” tonight? It’s a new show starting in the fall, but they played the pilot tonight. It’s basically about show choir. I mean yeah it’s about the kids and the teacher who runs it, and it’s cute and fun, but oh my God it’s about show choir, and that, for me, makes it the best show ever. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I am the biggest choir geek in the universe. I am not even joking, I am obsessed with choirs. I have been in many of them throughout my lifetime, and I not only love being a part of them, but I love watching them in every form. I was never in show choir in high school, though ours was fantastic. It’s not that I didn’t have the singing skills-it’s that being in show choir requires dancing. I think we all remember what happened to me when I tried out for the high school musical. Ugh-I feel a little sick thinking about it. The point is I am a terrible dancer especially when choreography is involved. And since that’s like a main component of show choir, I was never able to be a part of it. That didn’t stop me from loving it with all my heart, however, and now they made a show about it, and I almost want to cry. Plus Lea Michele is in it and she is an actual Broadway star! The story parts and characters were all lovely and fine, but every time there was singing, my heart leapt. Seriously. I don’t even care that at the end it was completely impossible that only 5 people were singing “Don’t Stop Believing” because it was so pretty and cute and it was effing Journey. I may or may not have just purchased it off of iTunes. Sigh. I am such a dork.

Okay moving on.

The night of the “Lost” finale had all the elements to make a great night of TV watching: my friend Lindsay, homemade dinner not homemade by me, wine, me accidentally going to the basement parking garage when I was trying to leave Lindsay’s apartment. Fantastic.

In my head and, unfortunately for Lindsay, out loud I had a running blog commentary going. Below I recreated what it was like to be in the room with me (and in my head). I apologize in advance:

- What is the deal with the opening scene? What the hell are they talking about? Obviously Jacob leads people to the island-he has for hundreds of years by the looks of that boat-but why? It’s like an experiment for him or something? Lindsay thinks that boat is Christopher Columbus. Awesome. Also is anyone surprised by what Jacob looks like? I expected bearded old man with creepy eyes, and he’s this young normal looking dude. Also is that other guy the brother from “Gone Baby Gone”? Let me go check. Oh my God it’s totally him sans the ridiculous mustache. Please call me SMDB (Sarah Movie Database) from now on.

- Giant alligator head statue! It definitely has a mullet. That’s all I’m saying.

- Oh my God Kate totally just tried to steal a New Kids lunchbox. 1 – Why is she a criminal even at age 8. 2 – New Kids rule. 3 – That girl totally looks like she could be Kate. What a cutie. 4 – Jacob! Creepy nose-toucher!

- Kate, seriously leave Sawyer and Juliet alone. Way to go, Sawyer-you stick with Juliet!

- Man this whole bomb thing would be so much easier if Faraday was still alive. Thank God Sayid knows everything about everything in the entire universe. Whoa-Eloise killed her son which she is growing in her body right now. That is extremely trippy.

- Jack needs a haircut. And to take his clothes off. I bet they’d look good on my bedroom floor. Hey-oh!

- Ugh this Radakaskymaskyassky guy is the worst. His hair is horrible, and how come he’s not listening to Miles’ dad? Isn’t he the boss?

- Seriously what happened to Bernard and Rose? Are they still alive somewhere? I miss them.

- Okay we’re back in present day I think-or at least in the 2000s. Ben seems to be unraveling a bit, right? Lindsay and I are wondering why Richard doesn’t seem to know anything about the island. What’s up with that? Hasn’t he been on the island for like 700 years? Why’s he such a dumbass about the whole thing? Oh my God Locke just uttered the best line to him. Here’s how it went down:

Richard: “I’ve seen things on this island that I can barely describe, but I’ve never seen someone come back to life.”
Locke: “And I’ve never seen someone who doesn’t age.”

Amen, Locke. I was wondering when someone was going to ask Richard about this.

- Okay seriously what gives with these other folks from the Ajira flight? What’s their purpose? They are creeping me out. There are so many groups of others I don’t even know who is who anymore. I’ll tell you what, though, a Lost finale is not complete without some Jeff Fahey chest hair. Glorious!

- What’s in the GD box!?

- Little kid at funeral. There are two bodies, aren’t there? OMG it’s Sawyer. Duh. Dammit there’s Jacob again. Okay I noticed something: He made a point to physically touch both Kate and Sawyer. Maybe that’s how he gets them to come to the island. He’s like collecting people. But why? And how does he choose who comes?

- Holy Juliet just kicked that submarine dude’s ass. Man did she become totally awesome or what? Total 180.

- Speaking of doing a 180, Jack just told Richard to trust in Locke. Can you believe that? Jack has totally become a man of faith. God he is so hot.

- Locke sure is awfully smirky and self assured. I wonder why he suddenly knows everything now. Whoa-Ben has to kill Jacob?

- Okay Lindsay and I just screamed our heads off at Nadia getting hit by a car. They never said how she died. I had just assumed she was shot. Good Lord that was horrific. Also, Sayid: Collected.

- Why did Richard even bother knocking on the rocks to pick out which one to start hammering in order to sneak them up in the Dharma village? It was clearly the oddly shaped one sticking out of the wall. Richard just knocked Eloise out. And referred to her as his leader. Did we know she was the leader? I’m sure sneaking this bomb out will go smoothly. It’s not like Sayid is wanted or anything. Also that bomb sure is hidden well. You can see half of it! Shoot out! Oh God Sayid’s hit! Sayid’s hit!! Hurley, Jin and Miles! YES!

- VINCENT! You’re alive! HOLYMOTHEROFGOD – ROSE AND BERNARD! I JUST asked about them! I just slapped Lindsay on the leg. I am so happy they are alive and together. Bernard has a Castaway look happening. I can’t believe they’ve just been living out in the woods being happy. I love them so much. Rose is awesome, “It’s always something with you people.” Uh oh. Sawyer, don’t look at Kate. Don’t look at Kate. Ahhh!! You looked at Kate! And Juliet noticed. Oh God look at her face. She’s heartbroken. Dammit, Sawyer and dammit, Kate. Dammit.

- Other plane people with box just said they were the good guys. And a bunch of other confusing things. Fahey’s like, ‘Seriously what the fuck, people.’ Broken trail of ash? If I go by my “Supernatural” knowledge that usually means a spirit has been set free. Also Jensen Ackles is hot. So these guys know and are friends with Jacob. Why? How do they know him? Why does he need their help? Who’s been using the cabin? Is that part of the rug thing Jacob was weaving in the beginning? Is Jacob semi-hot? I will punch someone if I don’t get answers. By the way, this line by Fahey “I’m not treehugger or anything but that’s a pretty good way to torch the whole jungle, doncha think?” is awesome.

- Jacob is on a bench reading a weird book. Isn’t that the hospital where Locke fell out the window-HOLYPOOP! Okay so Locke was dead, yes? And Jacob just saved his life? Why? Locke: Collected.

- Okay so Ben was pretending to talk to Jacob. That’s not really surprising. Nor is it surprising that he’s never seen Jacob. Haha-he just said, “I lied. That’s what I do.” Awesome. Seriously he is unraveling. Another 180: Locke has all the power over Ben now. I never thought I’d actually see the day.

- Sun just looked in Aaron’s crib and found Charlie’s Driveshaft ring. Remember when Claire was on this show? Can she and Jack ever hug as brother and sister please?

- Sun and Jin: Collected

- Can Jack really afford to leave Sayid for 5 minutes to talk to Sawyer? Sayid is bleeding out.

- Jack: Collected. And when will we find out what Jack’s dad has to do with all of this? Was he a part of the group with Eloise and Charles Whidmore?

- Okay am I an idiot? Sawyer just said that it’s July 1977 and a year ago his dad killed his mom and then himself. And then he says that he could’ve gotten on the submarine, walked into his house and stopped his dad from killing anyone. WTF? No he can’t-he just said it happened a year ago, right? Someone help me.

- Poor Jack. Literally all he wants in this world is Kate. Wise up, Kate! Ah! Sawyer and Jack fight! Lindsay and I are freaking out. I want you guys to be friends again! Ah-Sawyer just kicked Jack in the family jewels and you know what? That is not okay. I need those. Phew-Juliet is here to stop it. OMG and she’s totally changed her mind. Probably because you’re still in love with Kate, Sawyer!

- Um…why is Juliet’s past as a little girl set in present time? Why is Juliet’s past as a little girl set in present time!? Look at the clothes and the decorating! It’s present time! She’s the same age as Jack, Sawyer, et al. EXPLAIN THIS! I am freaking out!

- Yeah Juliet just called Sawyer on his Kate thing. Oh man this is horrible. So sad.

- Man I am so torn right now. I want Jack to do what he feels is right, but the thought of everything Kate and Jack have been through together-what all of them have been through together-never happening makes me want to cry. Kate just said she was with Jack on this-again. Kate, just realize that you love him! He is the one!

- Hurley: Collected. Guitar case: Collected. But how come Jacob came for Hurley after he was on the island the first time. They showed him getting everyone else before they went to the island in 2004. But not Hurley. Why? And what’s in the case?

- Ben is like a shell of his former self. I have to say, I like it. He deserves it. But now I’m scared of Locke. And I just have to take a minute to say the actors who play these two are absolutely unbelievable. They are knocking this out of the park. I knew Terry O’Quinn was special ever since “The Cutting Edge” (how awesome is that movie, ladies, amiright?).

- Miles just said this: “Has it occurred to any of you that your buddy is actually going to cause the thing he says he’s trying to prevent.” God Miles is awesome. Please more Miles next season. But now I’m really freaking out. Is this bomb thing going to work? I have that nervous sick feeling. Yay-Sawyer, Miles, Kate and Juliet are helping Jack! They all look pretty badass shooting guns. I wonder how fun it was to film this shoot-out scene.

- NO WAY-the bomb didn’t go off! Also I just realized I wasn’t breathing. Mah-electromagnetic something or other! Oh wow Miles got to save his dad’s life! Will this change things at all? Ah-finally Radischasskey is going down and his little elfin guy, too. Ew-pole through chest. JULIET!! No no no no no. Okay Sawyer’s got her. Oh my God, you guys. Oh my God, you guys! Lindsay and I are literally smacking each other. No. Nononononono!!! Please don’t do it, Juliet! Oh. My. God…..

- Okay Lindsay and I need to pause and take in what just happened. Dammit, Juliet! Why did you make me love you and then leave me!? Why!? You guys, seriously I have tears in my eyes.

- Okay other plane people and Richard are like from the same club or something. Mah! Locke! Locke’s dead body! Who’s Imposter Locke in the foot statue? I guess we’re about to find out. What’s the significance of the rug/mural? Wait-did Jacob just say, “Well you found your loophole.”? Holy poop on a stick-Imposter Locke is Gone Baby Gone dude from the beginning!!! Ben is like WTF is going on up in here. Also he is pissed. “What about me?” Ooh Jacob’s sarcastic, “What about you?” answer is probably not what was needed in order for his life to be spared. Man Ben is really going to lose it when he realizes that Locke isn’t Locke. “They’re coming.” Who’s coming?

- Poor Sawyer. He is destroyed. Lindsay just said, “Maybe Juliet’s still alive.” Well, like 100 lbs of metal just fell down the well on top of her so I’m thinking probably not. Or maybe she is-are you effing kidding me right now? Yay! Ooh-she’s not looking too good. Holy crap she’s going to try and explode the bomb, isn’t she.

HO.

LY.

SHIT.

Okay seriously, you guys, I think I wet my pants. What an amazing finale. Lindsay and I went back to the beginning to watch the first scene to see if we could filter out any more information now that we know about Imposter Locke. We could not.

I can’t even begin to speculate on what will happen next season, but here is what I know: I want our original Losties to be together. Enough of the separation. Get back to the heart of the show, writers. Wait a minute-if this worked and they end up back at the airport, does this mean we’ll get to see everyone again? Boone? Shannon? Charlie? I am losing my mind right now.

Okay, everyone. Comments begin…now.