Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Maybe you should cry about it, Kate

I'm actually caught up with "Lost", you guys. I know! It's a miracle. How come the last 5 episodes were epic, and then this one sucked donkey balls? Here are my thoughts as they occurred to me while watching the show. Warning: A lot of hostility toward Kate tonight.

Locke is creeping me out big time.

"His name is Richard Alpert. He's a kind of...advisor. And he has had that job for a very, very long time." Uh...what? Seriously who the hell is Richard Alpert?

I watched them all die!!! Killed as part of the Dharma Initiative massacre? What does he mean?

Why is Kate all shocked that Jack feels there were more bad times than good. All he did was love you, Kate, but you're all "Sawyer, Sawyer, Sawyer" all the live long day. Make this right!

Okay seriously that dude with the glasses beating up Sawyer needs to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. He is horrible and has been since the first time he was on.

Stop scowling, Kate. That's all you ever do anymore.

Locke is even creeping out Richard Alpert and Ben-the Kings of Creepy.

Sawyer and Juliet are totally ready to give everyone up to get off the island. How do I feel about this? On one hand, I don't blame you two. On the other, screw you guys-they all came back for you.

Kate's annoying me.

SAYID!! Still racking up the kills, I see.

Are we calling Sawyer "Jim" now? I don't like it.

Jack really does sound like Locke talking about their purpose and stuff. It's kind of awesome.

Whoa nice cleavage, Juliet! Way to look hot before the end of the world.

I totally thought Sawyer wasn't gonna get on the sub. Also he was like "Good riddance." If this was real life you know it'd be more like, "Fuck you! I will punch you right in the smoke monster, you piece of shit." I mean that's what I would say. Then I would hurry up and get on the sub just in case the smoke monster was listening.

Why is Jack wearing so many clothes?

Yeah, Sayid! Following Jack into the tunnels! Way to stick with the team unlike some other people (Kate). Did you see how happy Jack was that Sayid came? Awesome. I love Sayid's comment that even if the plan doesn't work, at least they'll all be out of their misery. I wonder if this was real if you'd reach a point where you're just like, "I mean whatever. If it all ends at least I won't constantly be wondering what the eff year it is and if I'm going to get shot in the woods while trying to take a shit."

Can I just interject something here? I would really like for all our Losties to get back into the same time together. I miss their group scenes. It makes me sad.

I like how John's coming in and shaking things up. That's what The Others needed-a new administration. It's time for change, you guys!!

Oh God...great, Kate! Way to ruin everything for Sawyer and Juliet! I have no patience for you this episode.

I'm sure this sub ride will go perfectly smoothly.

Does Ben ever not lie to people? Seriously. All he does is agree with whoever it is he's talking to at the time.

Whoa! Kill Jacob! What! Is that even possible?

All in all, I'm gonna give this episode a C+. Not too much happened and Kate was super annoying. I want Faraday to come back.

Previews: Clearly they do not leave in the sub. Kate ruins more lives obviously. Okay and I'm pissed because Jack has spent the last few years promising things to the Losties and delivering. He has never let them down. But now they all turn against him? I am angry.


blue said...

OK, I'm typing through tears of laughter, because this: "If this was real life you know it'd be more like, "Fuck you! I will punch you right in the smoke monster, you piece of shit." I mean that's what I would say. Then I would hurry up and get on the sub just in case the smoke monster was listening." is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. Ow, my stomach.

Also this: "I'm sure this sub ride will go perfectly smoothly." Because I don't even know you, yet I can hear the sarcastic intonation.

OMG. I want to get into a fight just so I can say, "I will punch you right in the smoke monster, you piece of shit."

Tears, still! Awesome.

shine said...


But also, Jack? Shut up a little. Also, could you go back to the super short hair so you don't look so much like my dad? Thanks.

And Sayid? Please never be dry again. Seriously.

I have no idea what even happened in this episode. The whole time I was like, "Circular craptastic stupid time travel BS!"

Fizzgig said...

the worst part is....its the season finale. What. ev. er!

they are gonna really screw up the future with all this bomb stuff. I'm not happy with it.

jack was on regis and kelly. he was totally not inspired by the show and was all "i cant wait to move to the midwest" yea, cus hawaii must suck.

Sassy Blondie said...

Holy shit! I cannot believe that I'm hatin' on Kate. She doesn't get Jack's pointed look that there's been so much bad?? Before she could make a bomb with a tampon and now she's clueless? Puhleeze! And of course she doesn't want things to change...she'd be in jail if the plane didn't crash. Selfish bitch...she's dead to me!

Damn that Richard Alpert with his unexplainable agelessness, his cryptic comments, and his mysteriously heavy guy liner...I'm with you: WHO THE HELL IS HE??

Locke is a whackjob...we must accept this. Just as Sayid is a badass... and Jack is my lover (well, okay, so he's not really my lover, but a girl can dream, can't she?).

I'm loving the "James"/Juliet coupling. Kate better not be a homewrecking bitch. She could have Jack, for the love of Mike! What is her ever loving problem??

I can't believe next week is the season finale...already! I do not have enough answers to wait a whole other year!!

Anonymous said...

Kate makes everyone miserable.

The sub was the worst digital effect ever. It looked like one of the monsters in a Sci-Fi channel movie.

Marti said...

Don't you worry about Radzinsky. We know what he's got coming to him (what he's going to bring upon himself?) and I'm sure we'll all cheer for the end of his sawyer-beating ways.

Anonymous said...

I don't watch Lost, but I have a burning desire to do so now just so that post would make any sense.

Actually, I watched the first series, so I know that Jack is hot. AND I know that Kate is a total fool for not being with Jack.