Lost is for real over

I can't believe Lost is over. For real I can't believe it. When the episode was over, we all looked at each other and said, "So…what are we supposed to do now?" And seriously what are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to recap? There are no other shows with the what the eff value of this one.

So we had a Lost viewing party at my sister and Drew's house. We ate licorice and chips and coconut cake, and I drank champagne. Conveniently, Cleveland's WEWS channel 5 decided to be FUCKING HORRIBLE right at that exact time. I'm not kidding. Read that article about it. It was definitely better on HD. It was all pixilated and stopped a couple times. But it wasn't so bad that we had some sort of emotional breakdown and turned the TV off in a crying fit of rage like the lady in the article. Then I watched it again on my DVR, and I do not have HD, and it was so, so horrible. I mean really if I had been watching it for the first time, I probably would have turned it off in a crying fit of rage. They are replaying it Saturday, but like my friend Randy said Sunday, "Somebody's losing their job tonight."

Did everyone watch the recap episode first? Of course you did. Because it was awesome. And you can't remember everything from the past 6 years. Daniel Dae Kim is freaking adorable. By the way, it totally freaks me out to hear Sayid's British accent. Also he is dating Barbara Hershey who is like 30 years older than him. "You mean 'Beaches' Barbara Hershey?" – my friend Lisa. Yes, Lisa, that Barbara Hershey. Like 15 minutes later I go, "Walt's like a hundred. I saw him in a commercial." Lisa goes, "He is. He's dating Barbara Hershey." Then Lindsay goes, "No he's dating Bette Midler. They double." Then I peed. This is why you watch Lost with friends.
Other highlights from our recap viewing:

- After they showed the helicopter crash into the ocean, Lindsay goes, "Okay how does that baby not have shaken baby syndrome?"

- They showed the scene where Juliet fell down the well and hit the bomb with the rock, and Drew goes, "Remember at the beginning of this season when they showed that scene over and over. Oh my God it was horrible." Then we immediately got back from commercial, and they showed it again. Drew was so angry.

- Did you notice ABC played ads for their new shows? Um…too soon, ABC. Way too soon. It's like our dog was in the middle of dying, and you were like, "Here's a new dog."

- While we were discussing Rose and Bernard's whereabouts:

Lindsay: "Yeah they built like a tree kingdom."
Matt: "Well not like the Ewoks or anything."

When it came time to actually watch the finale, we all almost peed we were so nervous/excited. Let me just say up front that I thought the episode was fantastic.

- Opening shot is us in sideways world watching them unload Jack's dad's coffin. Oh I see we're cutting back and forth on all our characters in sideways world and on the island. Just kind of what they're all doing now. Ugh this is already making me emotional. Also they're dropping off Jack's dad's coffin at the concert place? And Desmond is signing for it? What? Also did anyone else notice that Jack's dad's name was Christian Shephard? It never dawned on me. Also seriously Desmond says he wants to leave. And I must repeat Kate's question here: Leave and go where, Desmond?

- Back on the island, Sawyer is talking to Jack about being the new Jacob and being hilarious. "Tell us what the burning bush said." Sawyer re: Jacob: "It doesn't sound like he said anything about anything." Hurley: "It's kinda true, dude. He's worse than Yoda." Freaking awesome. Did you see in the recap episode how the guy who plays Hurley said that Hurley is the kind of guy who would totally love Lost and write about it on the Internet. Yeah he is. Sawyer just called Desmond a magic leprechaun. Christ almighty I will miss Sawyer. Hurley has a bad feeling about this. Hurley, the world has a bad feeling about this.

- Hurley and Sayid just pulled up at a hotel. Sayid has major what-the-fuck-itis. Charlie! Looking good. And by that I mean the opposite. He's wearing more eyeliner than me. Holy crap what is going to happen at this concert. My friend Matt's like, "I need to be at this concert." Ah! Hurley just shot Charlie with a tranquilizer gun! It should be kind of scary, but it's hilarious.

- Jack! You haven't ruined everything in your life! You're hot and heroic!

- Huge shocker Sawyer got caught by Fake Locke and Ben. Did you see how shitty his hiding place was? He was hiding behind like 1 leaf. Seriously why is Ben still trying to help Flocke (is this what we're supposed to call him?)? I thought he loved this island. Why would he go along with destroying it? Holy elbow to the mouth! Ouch! Did you see in the recap episode where the guy who plays Ben was like, "Ben gets beat up more than any other character. I always have to come in before everyone else to get my 'beat up' makeup on." Awesome. How come that guy is kind of creepy in real life, too, though. OMG DOG TRACKS! Please say it's Vincent. Please say it's Vincent!!

- VINCENT!! That means Rose and Bernard, yes? YES!!! God I really just can't put into words how much I love these two. I love how Rose is like, "Please don't get us involved in your crap. Save the drama for your mama." Holy crap for real if Flocke kills Rose and Bernard, I will fly Ajira airlines to the island and KILL HIM MYSELF. Phew. Okay, I knew Desmond wouldn't let him hurt them.

- Flocke is totally thrown by Desmond and his seemingly know-it-all attitude. As we all are, let's be honest. That was really convincing, Ben. It was the loudest walkie talkie noise ever, and he's like, "What? I didn't hear anything. There's definitely not a walkie talkie in my pocket."

- Miles! Richard! He's alive! Okay we're still blowing up this plane? Richard, you need to let this go. This seems like a really bad idea.

- Cop Miles! I would really like for ABC to create a spin-off show for Miles and Sawyer. A buddy cop show.

- JULIET!! I love you, Juliet. I can't believe I ever doubted you. Please forgive me. OMG, Sun's gonna have her moment isn't she. Where she remembers life on the island? Cuz this is just like when Juliet did the ultrasound on the island only more sanitary! Yes I am awesome. And Jin remembers! Okay the flashback scenes of Jin and Sun are making my heart hurt-literally. They speak English!! Okay they for real remember everything. Juliet's like, "You guys are weird."

- I will miss watching my Losties running through a forest. Just FYI. Okay we've established that everyone is going to the where the light is. "Then it ends." Foreshadowing! Well not really. I mean it's the last episode so it pretty much has to end.

- Jack and Locke discussing his spinal surgery. Locke is wearing a very becoming shower cap. Sidenote: I am obsessed with shower caps. Thank God that we get to see OUR Locke in this sideways reality. Because I heart him. Whoa-"See you on the other side." That's a loaded statement. "If I can fix you, Mr. Locke, that's all the peace I'll need." Another way loaded statement. Applies in both realites and pretty much is Jack's theme for the whole show, no?

- Richard has a gray hair! Richard is aging! It's weird that Miles pulled it out, right? Let's not worry about that.

- Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. "Sarah. Sarah! Sarah!!!" – all my friends at the same time. LAPIDUS!!! WHOO-HOO!!! I just screamed louder than I have ever screamed. I KNEW it! I knew he was still alive! He can survive anything because he is amazing! Holy crap I love you so much, Lapidus. Also he totally agrees with me that Richard's blow up the plane plan is horrible. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a pilot." There is too much awesome in this scene right now.

- OMG confrontation on the hill. Jack and Flocke appearing from different parts of the forest. Um this line is amazing:

Flocke: "So it's you. Jacob being who he is I expected to be a little more surprised. You're sort of the obvious choice, don't you think?"

That's hilarious and perfect. A nice nod to everyone who's watched this show and watched Jack be the leader over and over since the beginning. Jack just told Flocke he's going to kill him in a surprise way. Well it sounded way more threatening in the show. The way I wrote it sounded like he was planning a surprise party. Surprise! You're dead.

- Here's a huge surprise: Juliet is Jack's ex-wife and mother of his son. I think we all saw this coming, right? Oh my gosh Jack just called Claire, Aunt Claire. That is so cute I want to die. Ah Sawyer and Juliet eye contact! Remember each other, please!

- Okay so Jack wants to use Desmond to kill Locke. He's basically just flying by the seat of his pants, yes? Holy crap. Hurley: "I believe in you, dude." So ridiculously cute. Dudes till the end. Is Hurley just one of the best characters on TV or what?

- Vaginal tunnel of light! Oh man. They're going to lower Desmond into the light. I'm scared. This is just like in "Poltergeist" when Diane went into the light to get Carol Anne. Except with a lot less Craig T. Nelson. Don't pull on the rope! Will Des turn into smoke? Des is being very zen right now. He knows something we don't. Man Jack has done a complete 180 since the beginning of this show. "All of this matters."

- Okay Hurley can't tell Sayid what's going on because "there are rules". What does that mean!? Aw, Sayid. You're a good man. If Hurley thinks so, it is definitely true. Bar fight! Ah! It's Shannon and Boone, isn't it!? Yes it is! Oh my God. They're remembering. I am freaking the eff out. Boone!! Oh my God Boone knows. Or remembers. Or whatever. I love you, Boone! Drew says Boone doesn't look very good, but I think it might be because he plays a vampire on another show now so maybe he is staying out of the sunlight. Also I saw a web site that said they want someone to make a t-shirt that says "Boone knows". Awesome.

- Claire! Alive and looking good. Holy criminy, Claire. You're a crazy person.

- "You're not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face." Nice, Jack. "We'll just have to see which one of us is right." Oh God I hope it's you, Jack. Oh boy pan away shot of Jack and Flocke looking down the waterfall. Just like the shot at the end of-what the hell season was that-with the hatch!? Symmetry! Full circle! Symbolism! I am smart! Not really! It was obvious!

- Looks like we're at the concert. Holy boobs, Juliet. Nicely done. Oh Charlotte and Faraday! Yay they love each other! Huge surprise Claire's sitting at Desmond and Kate's table. She is totally creeped out. And should be.

-Ugh. Miles' dad! It's Daniel Faraday-not Widmore. Oh also Drew and Matt have been singing that Driveshaft song all effing night- the one that Charlie used to sing. Aw-Charlie and Claire. God I feel like I've been waiting for a reunion for those two for my entire life.

- Desmond is in the bottom of the waterfall. I am singing the theme song to Indiana Jones in my head. And out loud. People are annoyed with me. Ah what's happening! Okay so that's the "cork" huh? I'm freaking out. The whole island is just like a big bathroom drain. I have an idea for keeping the island safe. Let me take a shower in that well. I will shed so much hair I'll clog up that drain in no time. "It was weird that it was an actual cork. Like I thought that was just a metaphor." – my friend Lisa. Holy crap Jack just punched Flocke and Flocke is bleeding. He's bleeding!! Ah rock to the head! Rock to the head! "That's top 10 things that leave a mark." – Drew. Thank God there's a commercial. I need to calm down.

- You know what's a great place to give birth? Backstage at a concert. Or on a deserted island. Eloise. Man she's scary. What does she know? Tell us what you know, woman! Wait-she knows where Desmond's going. Where are you going, Desmond? I will say this, it appears that everyone who "remembers" knows exactly where they are going. They seem to have some knowledge and an air of calm about them.

- "If Kate remembers while she has her hands up Claire's dress, I will laugh." – my friend Matt. Matty, that is totally what is happening. This is pretty emotional. I'm having a hard time keeping it together in front of my friends. "Guys, I've been watching tapes and babies are a lot grosser when they're born. FYI." – Diane. Thanks, D. Helpful info. Oh my God, Charlie's going to remember now, isn't he. I'm going to lose it. Charlie-Claire reunion! This is so awesome. Play it cool, Sarah. You're surrounded by people in a room.

- Okay the island is falling apart. Ben just saved Hurley's life! What? I don't even…that was amazing. I just want to say that is one small man pushing one big man, and while touching, it sure did look funny.

- Kate had no reaction to the news that Lapidus is alive. Um, Kate? This is a miracle. Let's give it its proper due.

- Jack and Flocke confrontation on the cliff! In the rain! Jack yelling, "LOCKE!" No do not go to a commercial while Jack is flying through the air! Um-I just. Shat. My. Pants. That was one of the best scenes I have ever seen on this show.

- If Jack falls off a cliff, I will kill everyone. Ball kick! That's gotta hurt. Man it is impossible to recap a fight scene. I'll just say this: it's awesome. No no no no no. Flocke's got the knife. No no no no no! NO!!! He just stabbed my Jack in the side. I have no idea what to do right now. Ah! Knife to the throat! That's the spot Jack always bleeds in sideways reality! Kate! Yes. Good timing, Kate. Finally. Kick him over the edge, Jacky. YES. Ew. Brutal landing on the rocks. Yowza. That fight scene was glorious. I did a pretty good job recapping it. And by that I mean this was horrible. Sorry.

- Sideways Jack's neck is bleeding! Just like the alternate reality is bleeding over into this reality, right you guys? See what I did there?

- Of course your surgery worked, Locke. Jack is amazing and hot, and you are lovely and a fighter. Oh my God now Locke is remembering. This is awesome. Jack is resisting remembering. Come on, Jack. Let it in. "You don't have a son." "I hope somebody does for you what you just did for me." Jack's like, "Mkay, crazy dude. I'm out." Can I just interject here and say that "The Walkabout", which was episode 4 of season 1 and was the one where we find out that John Locke was in a wheelchair, was literally some of the greatest television I have ever seen in my life. It's exactly the moment I knew this show was special. And exactly the moment that I knew television could be more than just the same old crap. I actually emailed ABC after it aired just to tell them how I felt about it. That's how much it moved me. And how big of a loser I am. Anyway, hearing this same music and seeing scenes from that episode is making my heart hurt again.

- Okay, you guys, I have a bad feeling about Jack's stab wound. A really bad feeling.

- Sun and Jin are so happy to see Sawyer that they are coming off as creepy. But do you see what I mean? They are acting like they have a special knowledge. "We'll see you there." Sawyer's like, "See me where? I am really hot as a cop."

- Lapidus is owning this plane. It is his bitch. I am also his bitch, just FYI. Holy crap I just LOL'd (nice) at this:

Ben: "Lapidus, what's your time table?"
Lapidus: "Don't bother me!"
Ben: "Sounds like they're making progress."

Goddamn you, Benjamin Linus, for making me like you despite everything you've done. Matt just said that Lapidus is being a dick. Um sorry he's only trying to save everybody and fix a downed airplane that needs 6 hours of attention in 1 hour and that's after he almost died, Matt! I'll punch you right in the throat.

- Huge surprise Jack is going to sacrifice himself to save everyone else. Oh no I don't think my heart can take the goodbyes. Sawyer and Jack, friends and partners. It's too much. Ben's staying. This island was always his first love. Holy crap Hurley isn't leaving. He's staying with Jack! I think I might be in love with Hurley. Oh no-I am not ready for the Kate/Jack goodbye. You're not going to see him again, Kate. You know that. Good Lord I have been waiting for them to kiss again for like 2 years. I want to rewind this part, but I know everyone will yell at me. Yes you guys love each other. You have since season 1. I can't believe it took this long for you both to say it again. Oh, you guys, Jack's not going to make it off the island, is he. Inside I'm all, "Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings." (sidenote: on my second viewing, I cried like a baby).

- I feel like I want to complain about the number of commercials, but it is giving me the necessary emotional recovery breaks.

- "I don't believe in a lot of things. But I do believe in duct tape." Oh, Miles, I am going to miss you so much. I love how Sawyer calls Lapidus Chesty.

- Mah! Sawyer dove head first into the water! Not the way I would've gone, Sawyer.

- Sawyer and Jack just had a little déjà vu moment in the hospital hallway. "Thanks, Doc." Oh God, Sawyer, if you only knew how much meaning was behind just those two little words.

- OMG Sawyer and Juliet. Sawyer and Juliet reunion! I think I'm going to lose it. Is there where she says the thing about getting coffee some time. Yes thank you for answering me, Juliet! Oh God this is so awesome I can't handle it. Effing, Lost writers. As someone who's more obsessed with the characters than with the mysteries, this episode has just been extremely rewarding for me.

- Oh my. Kate and Jack in sideways town. Is Kate going to make Jack remember? Kate's heels are out of control. I know-not important right now, but it had to be said. "I missed you so much." Yes you did, Kate. That line touched me for some reason. A lot. Jack, stop resisting. If you resist, then I can't figure out what's happening, and that doesn't work for me.

- Back on the island. Oh, Hurley. Jack's not going to survive. I think we all know this. I honestly cannot take Hurley crying. I can't. Of course it has to be Hurley. He has to be the one to protect the island. It was always him, right? He's the one who loves everyone, who loves humanity. He's truly pure of heart. This scene is killing me. Ew-that water looks dirty. Hope you don't get dysentery from the magic water, Hurley.

- I know you can fix this plane, Lapidus. Cuz you can do anything. Yay! You're amazing!

- Is Desmond still alive? Yes! Thank God.

- Come on, Claire. You know you want to leave the island. They have shampoo at home. And brushes. Lapidus, I love you. Please don’t leave my friends behind. And…cue a Lapidus knowing chuckle and awesome line in 3…2...1: "Boys, we got some late arrivals. Open the door."

- Man how heavy is that rock cork? Everyone in the room is freaking out about Jack getting himself out of that pool or else he'll die. Guys? He's not going to make it either way. Even I know that.

- They allowed Lapidus one moment of vulnerability here before they tried to take off in the plane. "Here we go, Frank." Yes he's awesome, but he's still a man with insecurities and feelings and chest hair! I am so nervous I could puke. "What's Richard going to do when he gets home? He's been on the island a long time. He can always rejoin Maroon 5." – Drew. YES! They did it! Not that I'm surprised, but it's still very moving. "Amen." Lapidus is also a man of faith. This music is making me die inside a little bit. It's so pretty. Can this really be happening? Are they really going home? My heart almost can't take it.

- Now back to my Jack. Oh my God it worked. You saved the island, Jack! You really are the hero. Just like you've been since day one. Anyone who ever doubted you (Diane) can eat a big one.

- Sideways reality. Locke's at the-wherever it is they all are. Looks like a church. Ben! Sitting outside being creepy. Good Lord am I glad for this sideways reality. It gives us a chance to see our Locke and say a proper goodbye. Ben's like, "Sorry for murdering you in a different reality, bro. We cool?" Actually this is a pretty touching scene. I'm just trying to act all brave because I'm hiding the fact that I'm an emotional wreck right now. Of course Locke forgives Ben. Because he's Locke and he's awesome. Yes get out of the chair, Locke. Jack fixed you. Okay WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT CHURCH!?

- Hurley is just sitting by the Vaginal Tunnel of Light waiting for Jack to come back up. This is heartbreaking. Ugh, Hurley, please stop crying. I cannot handle it! Watching you try to accept Jack dying and being the new Jacob is too much. God who wrote this thing? It's like they are targeting the exact middle of my heart! "I think you do what you do best: take care of people." Oh, Ben. You were such a jerk, and you just said the exact right thing. Seriously I hate you for making me like you. Insert requisite throwaway line "That's how Jacob ran things." to explain why no one was allowed to leave the island. You know what? I'm okay with this explanation. Because I think the bottom line is, Jacob was kind of a dick who fucked with people's lives. And Hurley really can make his own rules. OHMYGOD Ben's face when Hurley asked him to help. Finally, finally Ben gets the only thing he ever wanted: to be needed by someone. It took Hurley 5 seconds to heal Ben. I CANNOT TAKE IT, LOST WRITERS! You are killing me! (sidenote: I am still thinking about this scene 3 days later it moved me so much).

- Oh boy. Hurley/Ben scene at the church. Will I be able to deal with this? Wait a minute. "You were a real good #2." "And you were a great #1, Hugo." I'm getting an inkling about something. This feels final. Oh how I'll miss Hurley calling everyone dude.

- Okay so the church is where Jack's father's funeral was going to be. Ready for what, Kate!? Leave and go where, Kate!? Someone tell me! Sorry one last freak out about not getting answers. It wouldn't be an episode of Lost if I wasn't angrily yelling questions into the sky.

- Okay Jack's alive on the island. Barely.

- Back at the church. I can already tell this will be a back and forth type of scene between the two realities. Lindsay just screamed that all the religions are represented on that stained glass window. Thank goodness she looks at details. If you'd have asked me about it, I'd be like, "Wait they were at a church? Jack was wearing clothes? What?" Oh my God, Jack, do not resist. Remember. Whose heart is breaking at these flashback scenes? Mah is he going to be the one in the coffin!? Okay it's empty. This is it. He's dead, isn't he. There's his dad. Yeah he knows it now. He's dead. I think I'm going to puke. Okay sideways reality isn't sideways reality. It's some sort of purgatory. I love the message here-that when you die, you go back to the most important time in your life. Back to the people who you needed most. And I like the idea that in order for you to let go and move on to whatever's next, you need to remember your life first. Lost cast reunion. Emotion overload. Want to cry. Penny! Meaningful Desmond/Jack hug. Intercut with Jack on the island clearly going somewhere to die. Probably where he landed after the plane crash. Hugs with Boone and Hurley. Heart exploding into a thousand pieces. Sawyer/Jack hug!! Kate changed clothes? Loving looks between Kate and Jack. Everyone looks happy. Except me. Rose and Bernard! VINCENT! Oh no this too much. The dog laying down with him is too much. Dogs are so awesome, I said through tears. Christian Shephard shepharding them onward? Hurley and Libby-yay. Oh he knew his friends made it off the island before he died. Eye closing. Black screen. Lost. I am dead.

You guys. YOU GUYS. That was wonderful, brilliant television. I know there will be people who are annoyed that there weren't enough answers, but I am completely satisfied with that ending. I am totally fine knowing that everything that happened on the island was real. That there really is a weirdo island containing the light of humanity, and someone needs to be the protector. I am okay with the mystical. I don't need a scientific or religious explanation. I'm okay with the fact that Jacob was just this kind of douchey dude from a douchey family who turned his role of island protector into some sick game. That he had an evil brother hellbent on revenge and our poor Losties happened to get caught in the middle of all this drama.

My Jack didn't make it off the island. I think I knew from the first episode that he wouldn't. He went out a hero just has he came in, and I love, love, love him. So we know Michael wasn't at the church because he's stuck on the island as a "whisperer" paying the price for being a murderer. Why wasn't Walt there? I think it's because he was so young on that island, and he wasn't on it very long so it wasn't the most important time in his life. One thing I do wish is that they would've delved a little deeper into Walt's psychic abilities, but c'est la vie.

This is so interesting to think about this show from the beginning with this bird's eye view now. Part of what drove me crazy is that when you don't know what's going on, every single little effing thing means something. You can't discern what is important and what isn't so EVERYTHING becomes important, and that is annoying. That is why I was getting annoyed this season. Because I felt like I would finally find out what I really needed to be paying attention to, but they never really gave me that until this episode. For example, worrying about why they brought Anthony Cooper to the island. I just for real wanted to know what the deal with that was. And it turned out, they just wanted Locke to get revenge. Okay. I'm totally fine with that answer and with that little piece not meaning anything beyond that.

At first I was annoyed that we don't really know what happened to our Losties who got off the island-what they did with their lives. And that we don't know how Desmond, Hurley and Ben got off the island. But I think it's safe to say two things: 1. It doesn't matter what those people did once they got off the island. They lived their life no matter what path it took them down. But when they died, they came back to this time in their lives because it's what was most important. And 2. Hurley changed the rules of what it meant to protect that island. He made sure they all got home. He made sure no one suffered on that island ever again. Awesome. In the end this show was about the people and the relationships, and that's what ended up being the most important thing. Not even the island was more important. And I love that.

A++

What a fantastic 6 years of entertainment. The good news: No more having to wait 8 months in between seasons and no more driving myself absolutely crazy. The bad news: It's over! Hold me, you guys.