Work tales

I think I mentioned that in my new position I'd get to work more often with my lunch boys. I knew it would be fun, but I had no idea just how much until yesterday.

John (Shop Dungarees) and I had a meeting together. The purpose of the meeting was for John to give my team an overview of the application he supports. John is great at explaining technical concepts to people who are less technically inclined than him. Yesterday was no exception.

Everything was going well, and at the end of the meeting he did a live demo of how the workflow process of the application worked. He said, "To help you guys understand this better, I'll use a real life example." His example? "Say you're in the bathroom here and because of a miscalculation you run out of toilet paper." Yes his example was bathroom related.

He proceeded to show us how the workflow might look if this situation were encountered. "The tp holder would send an email to Management which would say 'Need tp in 6th floor bathroom stall 1' and maybe would include a picture of me on the toilet with a sad face. Then Management would see the request and take tp down to that bathroom."

At this point I was barely holding it together. I couldn't even look at him because I was 100% sure I was going to wet my pants if I made eye contact. My whole team was there-my peers, our managers and their manager, a woman who is VERY high up in our organization. And everybody was losing their minds. By the way, don't try this yourself because you'll get fired. He is literally the only person on this entire planet that can get away with it.

Then in a final bid to get me to soil myself, he said, "Once management completes the task of coming to the bathroom, seeing me sitting on the stall and giving me toilet paper, they can either send a request to the cleaning lady to go mop up the mess or they can enter in some comments and close out the task." These are the comments he entered in:

"All set, Johnny Boy. Commence wiping."

Goddammit I love that guy.

My horoscope today

Seriously it's about time you guys started pitching in and cleaning up my house. I'm tired of avoiding doing it by myself.

"Members of your household, including you, Sarah, might have been letting chores around the home slide and the idea of getting them done may seem a bit too much for you to bear. Yet the spirit of sacrifice may get the best of you, and you might try to do it all yourself. Don't! Ask for help. Others are as responsible for household tasks as you are, and you aren't doing anyone any favors by working too hard."

Living in an Amish paradise

If you are ever looking for a band to go see live, might I suggest Jimmy Eat World. They are terrific and sound awesome in person and have so many good songs it's ridiculous. Just don't abbreviate and write JEW on your calendar. It will most assuredly confuse others. Also maybe during one of the best and most emotional songs don't run around telling people that it was in "A Cinderella Story" at a very important part of the movie when Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray kiss for the first time. No one seems to appreciate Hilary Duff trivia at a time like that.

On Saturday, Diane, my parents and I went to Amish Country to rub their noses in our use of electricity and buy their homemade crafts. Listen I truly believe that everybody has the right to live their life however they choose, but seriously what's with the Amish? I just simply don't understand what's appealing about that lifestyle. I've heard it makes you focus on what's important like family, etc. But here's the thing I am very focused on how much I love my family, but I still use a hairdryer in the morning. I think it's okay that I'm making fun of them because they can't read the Internet, right? I mean that is why I make fun of homeless people. Satan, before you take my soul back home with you for eternity you should know I was just kidding.

My friend Renee and I decided that the novelty of seeing a horse and buggy never wears off. So I helpfully pointed them out every single time we saw one. My dad helpfully pointed out all the horseshit.

This weekend I also babysat Steph's dog. We are now bff. Things got a little tense when I made him dance to Michael Buble with me, but he forgave me when I gave him a Milkbone. Dogs are so easy.

Sunday I spent all day worrying about the writers strike in Hollywood. Seriously studios, let's resolve this soon because I swear if I lose all my shows in January I will come out there and force all of you to eat complex carbohydrates till your stomach staples burst.

How's work, losers?

So guess who just woke up because she is not at work? That would be me. Haha suckers. God I love not working. Don't get me wrong I really like my new job, but not working has a magical quality. And that quality is not working.

How about a little show talk? Some spoilers ahead.

I'm seriously reaching the point where I don't even want to write about Grey's. Is it just me or is it getting worse and worse? It's turning into my Dawson's Creek where I don't want to watch it, but I have to because I'm addicted. I'm just going to do a quick recap because I'll be honest I was kind of disgusted with last night's episode.

Izzie and George - horrible. How much longer do I have to endure this?

New cardiologist lady - absolutely, unbelievably horrible. I swear to God if they keep her on the show, I might stop watching because she is so unbearable. Why did the chief take her crap? He's the boss. Assert your power, chief!

McDreamy and McSteamy as friends - amazing. I love it so much. They are so hot.

Heart surgery while you're awake - ga-gew! Is that really possible?

Guy who fell 12,000 feet parachuting - Roy!! It was nice to see him again especially when he's not playing a jerk. That guy is a total cutie.

Meredith and McDreamy - tired. Her issues around that whole thing make no sense anymore. I get her issues with her family, and I can even get her not really wanting to get to know Lexie (even though she's such a bitch to her), but this whole thing with McDreamy-I'm done with it.

McDreamy - McDreamy

Lexie and Alex - kinda hot.

Alex - so very, very hot. More shirtless scenes with him please.

The Office
I think last night might have had the funniest line ever uttered on "The Office". And it was Oscar. "Besides having sex with men, the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing I've ever done." I literally did a spittake.

When Michael was trying to set up the sleeping version of himself, and Dwight said he would be out of the office with him all the time, Michael said, "Mostly I'll be with Ryan. Or Darryl." Hilarious. Then when he had Pam writing up the want ad, "Middle aged black man with sass. And a big butt."

I thought the whole stealing the printer from Utica was a little out there, but their mustache disguises more than made up for it. They looked awesome, and I love that Jim laid the seat back in the car and then told Dwight, "You don't need to update me as much as you are updating me." The whole Jim and Karen reunion was so awkward and so how a girl would react if she heard her ex-boyfriend say he was doing really good with his new girlfriend. I like how Jim just got up and awkwardly walked out.

Oh! Oscar had another amazing line last night. While they were trying to do the Finer Things Club, Phyllis came in to use the microwave and she kept pressing all these buttons over and over and finally Oscar loses it and screams, "WHAT ARE YOU MICROWAVING!?" I lost it, too. Andy trying to get into the club was great, too. "The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. I have to be in it. Party Planning Committee is my backup, and Kevin's band is my other backup."

This is the episode synopsis for next week: "Dunder Mifflin goes green when Ryan plans a corporate wilderness retreat and an excluded Michael begins planning his own outdoor adventure." You just know that's going to be awesome.

I guess when I said multiple posts I meant one post

How was everyone's Halloween? I went to Diane and Drew's house to contribute to childhood obesity, as Drew would say. We also ate the crap out of the chili that Diane made for us. It was awesome.

Woody came over, too. The three of them drank beer while I wore a headband that had lit up pumpkins on it. While we were sitting there, Meg and Aloyd walked up carrying wine. We asked if we could get them some chairs and Meg said,"Just glasses and a corkscrew." Six adults sitting on the porch drinking alcohol and eating chili. You could almost feel the envy of the parents out with their children.

There were so many cute kids. It made my ovaries ache. When teenagers came up who didn't bother putting on a costume, we gave them a Payday since that was the worst candy bar we had. At one point an unmarked white van drove through the street. Drew was like, "That's totally not shady at all while children are roaming the streets." Woody called it The Kidcatcher.

After the festivities, we watched the Cavs be terrible. Then we watched "Rent", but Drew muted the parts he thought were too sad. This morning he told me that he was glad that Diane and I weren't intravenous drug users so that we wouldn't get AIDS. That's our Drew: equal parts sweet and weird.

Tell me funny Halloween stories.

It feels like a multiple post day again

Did everyone watch "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" last night? I did. And I realized two things about Charlie Brown TV specials:

1. I turn into a 5 year old while watching them because they make me so happy and

2. They make no sense.

Oh and 3. Those kids are ridiculously mean to Charlie Brown. If that were really happening to a kid in this day and age, I'd give him 3 years before he loses his shit and opens fire on his school. Come on, kids, look at Charlie Brown. He has it way worse than you, and he doesn't turn to violence. He just goes to counseling. Only 10 cents.

If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends

Well I'll tell you what I want-what I really really want. I want to never ever see the movie "Dead Alive" again as long as I live.

We went to a Halloween party at Suz and AJ's house on Saturday. Suz and AJ love Halloween and always have the best costumes. This year they were husband and wife knife throwers. Really bad ones. They had apples on their heads and knives sticking out of their stomachs and chests. Bloody but so clever and funny.

Sharda, Meg, Diane, Steph and I went as the Spice Girls. I was Posh, Meg was Baby, Steph was Ginger, Sharda was Sporty and Diane was Scary in a big afro wig that made me laugh uncontrollably every time I looked at her. Sharda had on a sports bra and an open zip up sweatshirt. Who in the hell is secure enough to go to a party in just a sports bra? Someone with a sickeningly flat stomach that's who. What the hell, Sharda. Why are you not constantly showing off your stomach? Bitch.

Suz and AJ had games for us to play. Costume contests for best individual and best group costumes* (Spice Girls came in second), guess the number of M&Ms in the jar and a horror movie trivia game. Guess who won the horror movie trivia game? That would be me-the one person who refuses to watch them. Here's the deal-and I think I've confessed this to you before-I'm a freak. When I am scared of something I read about it. A lot. I know a ridiculous amount of facts about sharks. You would think I was actually interested in them, but really I just need to know that it is possible for a dolphin to kill a shark. I sleep better that way.

So I research what I'm scared of like crazy because I figure that the more information I have about it, the less chance it can hurt me. I know it makes no sense when it applies to movies, but I can't help it. That's how my brain works. But because of this insane detail about me, I know a lot about a lot of horror movies which in turn won me a bottle of wine so how crazy am I really? Still pretty crazy.

We also played beer pong and ping pong in the basement, and here's something maybe you don't know about me: I am awesome at ping pong. Except not when AJ is making me watch "Dead Alive" at the same time-one of the only movies I haven't researched. Let me say this about it: um...wtf. Seriously. That is one weirdo effed up movie. Oh also I'm not as good at ping pong when I am drunk and wearing 100 inch heels. Just FYI.

What'd you guys do this weekend?

P.S. An aside to AG: was your long haired New Jersey boyfriend's last name Bon Jovi by any chance?

*Our friend Tom voted for Sharda's sports bra for best individual costume.

Addendum to TV post

Thanks to Crystal who reminded me that I forgot my fave new show:

Pushing Daisies - It's like you've wandered into a fairytale. If you liked "Big Fish", you will like this. It's imaginitive and unique and lovely. The lead guy is absolutely the best new guy on TV. Yummy and adorable.

P.S. Have you set your DVR for Friday Night Lights yet?

Recipe for a joyful ride home

All I Want For X-mas - Mariah Carey (For real. I've been listening to x-mas music for 2 months already)

Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

I've Been Waiting - Matthew Sweet

Believe It Or Not - Joey Scarbury (theme from "Greatest American Hero")

Shut Your Eyes - Shout Out Louds

Into the Mystic - Van Morrison

Caribbean Queen - Billy Ocean

I wish I was watching TV

Here are the new shows that I'm watching that you really should be watching:

Chuck - It's funny, it's got action and the badass secret service agent from "Independence Day". What's not to love? Oh also the main guy Chuck is totally adorable.

Reaper - Seriously funny action/horror show with a cute leading man. I dare you not to laugh at everything his best friend Sock does and says.

Samantha Who? - Okay I've only seen 2 episodes of this, but so far I love it. Christina Applegate is freaking awesome. I want to be her.

Gossip Girl - I am way too old to watch this show. So are you, but let's do it anyway.

And the not new show that if you don't start watching soon I will come to your house, staple your ass to the couch, tape your eyelids open and force you to watch:

Friday Night Lights - Seriously why aren't you watching this show? Do you hate yourself? Do you??