Enter post title here

First a couple quick notes:

Indians, you are my density.

Conan, you just made a joke about Cleveland. Um...I'm not going to lie. It hurts. It hurts big time. But I know you didn't mean it. You're a performer, and you're just saying lines someone else wrote. We can still get married.

I know they're not putting Jack Bauer in jail. Why do you hate America, Los Angeles justice system?

I just watched a horror movie from 2004. Technically it wasn't a horror movie. It was Suzanne and AJ's wedding video. Listen if you ever find yourself getting a little cocky or, you know, feeling a little too confident, watch yourself dancing on a wedding video. That should take the wind out of your sails pretty darn quick. Trust me-once you see yourself playing air xylophone during "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", it's impossible to think of yourself as anything other than the biggest tool that has ever lived.

Also included on the video? One-on-one interviews with friends so we could send our well wishes. First of all, B was on the video giving his little congratulations message. It was the first time I'd seen him since he left, and I could've done without it, but I'll be honest-the air xylophone was exponentially worse. I mean I had changed into socks and tennis shoes and wore them with my bridesmaid dress for Christ's sake. Again I ask, why are people friends with me?

Second of all, apparently I didn't get the memo that we were supposed to say something real quick like, "Congratulations, Suz and AJ! I wish you the best of luck for a wonderful life together!" When they gave me the microphone, I suddenly had to tell 17 stories. It was like "Suz and AJ's Wedding starring Okay Seriously". They weren't even good stories. I was just playing with my hair and laughing nervously and refusing to look into the camera. Also at one point I said, "AJ, you were always the tall guy." What? The tall guy? That's what I came up with on his most important day ever? I should maybe practice in advance for what to say on Diane and Drew's video so I don't end up saying something like, "Diane, you're like a sister to me."

P.S. You guys should be watching "Reaper" because it's effing funny.

P.P.S. Happy Birthday to my October birthday friends. Thanks to 2 of you for turning 30 with me. At least you are here with me for a couple months. Holy shit I turn 31 in 2 months. I need to lie down.