This is how I show my love for my country

My 4th of July weekend

Thursday
Went to Diane and Drew's house and had a game tournament. Four teams of 2 people and one 3 person team competing to the death...or you know, until it was over. There were 4 different stations, and every team had to play them all. Your scores for each station were combined to bring forth the ultimate champion of games that don't require much physical activity. The 4 stations were: MarioKart on the Wii, Tennis on the Wii, Catchphrase and Karaoke Revolution on the X-box. Sharda was my teammate, and we owned Karaoke Revolution (only team with a perfect score-eat it) and Catchphrase. Sadly, Sharda and I are horrible at all Wii games so we ended up tied for second-to-last place. I just want to say that I really feel Karaoke Revolution should've been weighed heavier than some of the other games. Mostly because it's what we were best at.

We also watched 3 New Kids videos on YouTube, we watched the Today show episode from May when New Kids were on, and we listened to the new New Kids song 1700 million times and did a dance. It is so 1991 and I am 13 and I kiss my Joey poster before I go to bed.

Oh also I drank Boone's Farm Fuzzy Navel all night. Obviously.

Friday
Went to the beach with my ladies. "The beach?" you ask incredulously. "But, Sarah, you live in Cleveland. Doesn't beach = rocks in Cleveland?" I know it seems crazy, you guys, but it's true. Cleveland actually has some beaches. We went to Huntington Beach which I haven't visited since I was approximately 15 years old. When we got there, Renee looked around and said, "Wow-it doesn't even smell like dead bodies here." And she was right. Not only that, I didn't even see any dirty syringes, and when I flashed my headlights 3 times no one tried to have gay sex with me*. Way to clean up, Cleveland! I'm not a beach person, but this wasn't too bad. The sand wasn't hot, and it wasn't that busy. We spent most of our time watching 2 teenage friends flirt with and silently compete for the same guy. We were like sports commentators whispering the play by play and color commentary. Here's an example:

Me: "Ooh-white bikini making an overly aggressive move here as she fake tackles the guy and won't let go. I'm afraid this might backfire in the end as flirty behavior could quickly turn to annoying behavior. What do you think, Diane?"
Diane: "I don't know. I like the aggressiveness of the move. Yellow sundress, while trying to play it more subtle, might just be too subtle-possibly closing herself out of the race all together."
Renee: "Why won't that guy take his shirt off? Just what is he hiding under there?"

Friday night we went to Meg's rooftop and ate 17 kinds of dip and watched fireworks. Aloyd tried to tell us how bad they are for the environment because they release so much CO2 or something, and in protest of his fireworks bashing I said I was going to go drive my SUV around while using aerosol hairspray.

Saturday
This was family day, and my mom cooked out for us. We also started to come up with the seating arrangements for Diane and Drew's wedding. Seating arrangements suck ass. That's all I'll say about that. Then we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie, and I just want to say that I love Indiana Jones with all my being. Also Shia LaBeouf is in every single movie, right? He literally is on screen somewhere in the world every second of every single day. I happen to think he's kind of adorable in a "you used to be on Even Stevens and I love the Disney Channel and now you're a cutie dork" kind of way, but seriously he is in my face a lot.

Sunday
I sealed my deck and moved furniture. This was about as fun as it sounds. But it needed to be done and thanks to my parents I now have an awesome recliner which I never ever want to stop sitting in. The recliner is definitely near the top of the list of greatest inventions along with swim up pool bar and pay at the pump.

I don't know if you guys noticed this, but I was not drunk once this weekend. Not once. Who am I!? Don't worry, you guys. The weekend before this I went to the Cleveland Wine Festival and got so drunk that I puked all over myself in the middle of a bar and then fell down the stairs on my way to the bathroom to clean up. Ahh-that's better, right? I'm still me and still a class act.

*First of all, how come I can't say "flashed my headlights" without feeling the need to explain that that doesn't mean that I showed people my boobs. Second of all, there is totally a beach in Cleveland where as a gay man you can go at night and flash your lights and have gay sex. How awesome is that.