Friday, January 16, 2009

Baby, it's mothereffing cold outside

Okay who else is in the middle of this massive cold weather clusterfuck? I literally cannot believe how cold it is outside today. I remember my junior year in high school, we had 3 days in a row with temperatures this low and they gave us snow days. What gives, corporate America? Is my life less valuable now that I'm an adult? Yes? Oh okay. Thanks for clarifying.

Walking in to my building this morning, I said something I've never said before in 32 years of life on this earth: "I can't feel my ass." Then my mascara started transforming into some dry/wet, solid/liquid sludge type of consistency. When I got to my building, I stopped to look in a mirror, and the mascara looked like it was trying to escape my eyelashes by crawling onto my face. I was going to leave it to make myself look "edgy", but then I realized I looked way too much like Malcom McDowell in "A Clockwork Orange". I've also decided that I am wearing my dorky snow boots all day. All day and night and possibly until March. I see no point in wearing any other shoe. Plus I have a space heater (shh-they're illegal at my work) pointed directly at me which I will leave on all day. Listen I'll be honest, I don't ever want to go outside again so I might just live in my cubicle until spring. It'll be fine. I have access to vending machines and I can surf the Internet and continue reading the story about the guy who tried to fake his own death by crashing his plane. You guys, seriously, I can't stop reading about it. It's way too ridiculous. Besides being a Class A prick, the guy is also an effing idiot. And I would bet lots of money-that I did not invest with this crook-that his trophy wife is in on it, too. Holy crap it's so awesome. I mean I feel bad for their kids, but really it's like a bad Lifetime movie. Oh my God I hope they make a Lifetime movie out of it.

Speaking of plane crashes...what is up with that plane crashing into the Hudson River? Holy crap! I can't believe no one was killed. Amazing!

ALSO...did you read this story about the two friends who were driving home, and the driver decided he was too drunk so he and his friend switched places only his friend was wasted, too? Isn't that hilarious? And I really don't want comments like "Drunk driving isn't funny" because seriously save it for your MADD meeting. I know drunk driving isn't funny. But this story? This story is fuuuunnny.

Yeah it's decided. I'm going to spend all day reading the news. Forget working. It's too cold out.

P.S. Winter skee ball started last night, and we totally won. We are so athletic. Or, you know, good at rolling a ball in a straight line.

P.P.S. Friday Night Lights! Friday Night Lights! Friday Night Lights! Set your DVR!


JL said...

I would brag about it being in the 70's all week here in California, but due to the fact that I work in a vineyard and we need some f*&$ing rain, the sun is starting to stress us all out.

Space heaters illegal where you work? When it's that cold out?!

weesle909 said...

The space heaters are 'fire hazards'. Same where I work. Of course, if the building did burn down, at least it would be nice and toasty in the area.

I found my personal commercial airline pilot yesterday. That Hudson River dude. I don't give a shit where he's flying - I want to be on HIS plane from now on...

Fizzgig said...

ok the only reason i remember it being this cold before is cus they said on the readio in 1994 it was this cold. i dont really remembe,r that was my senior year. I don't remember much.

I'm bundled better than randy from xmas story. i am WARM!

i also kept my boots on today. im sick as hell of carting around 3 pairs of shoes every day.

hello? lost starts next week. way more important!

Anonymous said...

I really really don't like the cold right now. I am in college and go to school in Indiana. Pretty much all the schools around me had today cancelled or had a two hour delay. My college did not cancel or delay or anything. I don't get why schools will cancel or delay because kids have to wait outside for a bus, but when I have to walk outside for the same amount of time they are standing out there I don't get a day or or anything. I live in a dorm and since there is a cafeteria in it I don't plan on leaving my building until Monday. It will be nice.

sarahsays said...

I leave my space heater on all day at work as well - pointed directly at me. While I'm still bundled up in a sweater and scarf. People walk by all day and refer to my cubicle as "the tropics".

Idea #527 said...

Hey I need to ask you a few questions about skee ball league. I was telling the manager at the bar about it and he is really interested but I will need some specifics for him.

Would you be able to help me??