Thursday, February 26, 2009

I would die if my grandparents read this

How about a Lost recap...tomorrow? Sorry. I haven't watched tonight's yet. I know I'm horrible! But we will discuss the past two episodes tomorrow.

Real quick before I recap my Valentine's Day I need to share something with my HGTV fans that has been bothering me since I found out about it yesterday. And okay this is actually old news as of like last summer, but I didn't know about it. I am obsessed with HGTV. We all know this. Design on a Dime is one of the shows I really enjoy. I have two favorite hosts on this show: Kristan Cunningham and Lee Snijders. I love Lee. I love his ideas. I think he's really likable and personable. Plus he used to be a Disney Imagineer. Adorable, right? So I decided to do a Google search on Lee to see what he was up to, if he had a new show or book I could check out, you know? Well he does have a new project. Do you know what it is? It's a porn company with his girlfriend, a former porn star and current porn photographer (That link is to TMZ-not his porn web site. Yes he runs a porn web site.) You guys, I...I am not okay with this. It's Lee Snijders. I just watched him paint a girl's room pink and create a piece of artwork out of lucite. I think I need to go sit in the dark and listen to "End of the Innocence". Because it really is.

Okay...shake it off, Sarah. Now. Valentine's Day. I mentioned that I was going to post the pictures I took. Um...after I posted that, this happened:

Steph: What pictures are you talking about?
Me: Didn't I take a bunch of pictures?
Steph: You did not.

So I checked my phone. She is correct. In fact I only took two pictures: one of our martinis and one of the cookies Meg made for us. That is it. I took no other pictures. The fact that I thought I took pictures all night should give you a good indication of my state of mind later on.

Oh and just a sidenote: Meg spent 6 hours making us Valentine's Day cookies. SIX HOURS. Of her life. On cookies for us. Also she packaged up single heart cookies in fancy wrapping for us to give to cute boys at bars. Yeah-this is a master of the trade, you guys. Meg's no amateur.

Okay I've spoken about this type of event before, but I can't find the posts to link to. Steph plans these "Choose Your Own Adventure: Cleveland" days where every few hours she gives us 3 choices of things to do. We all vote and whichever activity gets the most votes wins. This was a Valentine's edition so it had the theme of a nice Valentine's night out. I listed below what we ended up doing.

Flowers 3-4:30pm We went to the Rockefeller Greenhouse. Mostly because most of us have never been there and also because it was free. That is the kind of price that is in my budget. It was really nice and relaxing, and I'm pretty sure we ruined the moment for this guy who was about to propose to his girlfriend. I mean I can't say for sure, but they were sitting on a bench in the corner. The girl looked like she wasn't sure why they weren't up and walking around and the guy looked super nervous and was watching all the people walking by with an 'omg-get the hell out of here' look. Yeah-proposal: ruined. Sorry, dude.

Intermission 4-5:30 This was an unplanned stop at 806 Wine bar in Tremont (I can't find a web site). We finished with flowers early and were waiting for some girls to meet us. So obviously we wanted alcohol. The bar was almost completely empty (what? 4pm on Valentine's day? shouldn't there be people there numbing the pain of loneliness?) so we got one-on-one attention from the bartender Lisa. Bartender Lisa is, in a word, awesome. And she made us fantastic martinis and gave us chocolate, roses and lollipops. Bartender Lisa is my new best friend. And kind of my boyfriend. Flowers, alcohol and candy? Yeah I'm dating her.

Sweets 5:30-6 We went to a place called A Cookie and a Cupcake in Tremont. They sell auto parts. And by auto parts I mean cookies and cupcakes. Tons of different kinds of fancy cupcakes. I got red velvet with cream cheese frosting. They also gave us free chocolate covered strawberries. Getting free stuff never gets old, by the way.

Dinner 6-8:30 We chose Prosperity Social Club. They have delicious food, awesome sangria and board games! We played a Cleveland trivia game from the early 80's. We actually did pretty good for being just kids in the 80's. Our waiter was fantastic, and Steph asked him if she could take him home with her. Our sangria was fantastic, and I wanted to take it home with me, too.

Scavenger Hunt 8:30-whenever Yes a scavenger hunt. We went to Map Room downtown to scavenge. Here is Steph's scavenger hunt:

SCAVENGER HUNT: Rules...Be the first to complete the list. Need a witness from a member of the group to witness your actions for it to count. If no one completes the list, then the person with the most checks wins. Pride is on the line!

  1. Have a stranger tell you their worst break-up story
  2. Accept a marriage proposal
  3. Retrieve three business cards
  4. Dance in the middle of the bar with a stranger, extra point for slow dancing
  5. Sign a stranger's body part
  6. Collect four hearts
  7. Find a person with a tattoo that involves love (e.g., mom's name, a heart, a wife's face, etc.)
  8. Have a "sexy" shot with a stranger (e.g., sex on the beach, buttery nipple, etc.)
  9. Kiss someone
  10. Make a public declaration of love (i.e., "Attention: I love red wine!")
  11. Lead a toast to love for those at the bar around you
  12. Find a person wearing red or pink and get their autograph
  13. Break up with someone (i.e., tell your bartender you want to see other people)
  14. Buy a cute boy a drink and give a wink
  15. Receive a freek drink
  16. Pinch someone's bottom, don't get arrested
  17. Compliment sincerely someone else
  18. Use a pick up line
  19. Pretend to be cupid (prance and pull your arrow back at a couple) in public
  20. Tell Steph she is pretty, smart and perfect
First of all, this is ridiculous. Second of all, you cannot beat Steph at a scavenger hunt. It just doesn't happen. So I'm sure you can guess who won this one...ME! What's up!?

We walked into the bar and immediately Steph started talking to the guys sitting next to us about the scavenger hunt. She somehow made a comment that insulted one of the guys' man part. I cannot remember for the life of me how she did it, but I remember it was a joke, and it was hilarious. Then she turned to his friend and started working on the scavenger hunt. The fake-insulted guy turned to me and said, "Can I help you with yours?" And it began.

His name was Brad, and he was freaking awesome. All he cared about was me winning. He was like, "What do you need from me?" And I said, "Can I grab your butt without you having me arrested?" Five seconds later, he dropped his pants. Completely. Pants and underwear to his knees in the middle of the bar. I grabbed that bare ass like there was no tomorrow. We all decided that bare ass was worth extra points. I originally put +5, but he asked if I could change it to a +7. I think I love him.

For #2 he proposed then I immediately broke up with him for #13. I signed the side of his torso for #5. And I mean I signed it big with a smiley face and everything. He told me he was going to show it to his mom at church the next day. Then he was going to get it tattooed on. For #10 he stood up on the barstool, and I yelled out, "I love this man! I love him and his bare ass and I signed his torso!" For #8 we did a shot of sex on the beach. I paid for it and winked at him to take care of #14. Two birds, one stone. For #6 I asked him if I could reach into his chest cavity and pull out his beating heart-Temple of Doom style. He lifted his shirt and was like, "Go for it. It's for a good cause." Glorious!

My dance for #19 was apparently so good, it was requested twice. For #18 I had to use a pick up line. And I don't know any pick up lines. So Becky told me to say, "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" What!? So I went up to some other guy (not my BFF) to say it. This is Becky's re-enactment of what happened:

Me, looking at the ground: "Uh...hey. Those are, uh, nice shoes. Uh, oh God. I'm sorry. Wanna fuck? I'm so sorry. I'm on a scavenger hunt."

You're right, Sade. I am a smooth operator.

I also added an item to my list. It says Hairy Bagel with a +12 next to it. It took me a minute to remember what it was about. Then I remembered Brad's friend had turned to him and said, "Show her the hairy bagel." My BFF pulled up his shirt and made the area around his belly button look like a bagel. I laughed so hard I spit out my drink. Brad, wherever you are, you are awesome. Thank you for helping me to win the scavenger hunt for the first-and probably last-time in my life.

Important sidenote: Steph was working with my BFF's friend and for #9 she turned her cheek so he could kiss it and he grabbed her face, turned it toward him and stuck his tongue in her mouth. How come even when I get a guy to drop his pants for me, Steph has to one-up me by making out with a random? You're the master, Steph!!


Fizzgig said...

ok. No lost? Are you insane? If you only knew what you missed!!!!!

Second......I'm completely jealous of the scavenger hunt! it sounds like an awesome good time! And so do cupcakes. mmmmm cupcakes.

you shouldve totally taken brad home after he showed you the hairy bagel. I'm a good influence! And classy!

Idea #527 said...

Hil.Ar.Ious! That is awesome!

Why didn't you get this guy Brad's digits? He sounds awesome!

Jesslyn said...

That was *SO* much better than a Lost recap!!

Iris said...

What an awesome story!!!

I actually snorted from laughing so much. Thanks, dude.

Anonymous said...

My favorite is when you completed #20. I admit, you beat me. Dammit. I want a rematch. -Steph

Anonymous said...

seriously. You and your friends are awesome. I want a girls night with a scavenger hunt, cookies, cupcakes, and "Choose Your Own Adventure". Can I come play?

Elizabeth said...

You are so cool, Sarah! LOL! I want to be your friend. I think I want to travel to Cleveland with my friends and maybe we could all be friends? Sorry, the spirit of the Notorious B.I.G. must've gotten into me right there. Super fun night! Beats my v-day for sure.

shine (the artist formerly known as meshealle) said...

Ahem, despite the fact that I just outed myself at work (reading blogs on the clock, causing me to giggle incessantly at your sad attempt at a pickup line), I think I might have a little girl crush on you and your friends!

Sounds like you guys had a blast.

I'm going to have to plan a Choose Your Own Adventure night for my friends in our city. Awesome idea!