Tuesday, August 21, 2007

In case you were wondering

Things I don't have time for:
1. Local (senile) weathermen who (wear diapers and) when talking about the hurricane in the Carribbean say things like, "A lot of bananas are going to banana heaven tonight."

2. People with bumper stickers that say "Ask me about my grandcats". No. No I won't. I'm much too busy jabbing myself in the eye with this sharpened pencil.

Things I do have time for:
1. You guys. You all are coming to Put in Bay with me next year. I can tell you are all drunk assholes like me underneath your classy exterior. So let's do this. I'm sure Steph will convince someone to create a 30 person golf cart by that time, and then you can experience the hand signals for yourself.

2. This story. Ho. Ly. Shit. It's like I was just sitting here thinking about what was missing from my life and all of a sudden the clouds parted and a ray of light shone down on the Yahoo! Most Popular News headlines and I see this: "British dwarf's penis gets stuck to hoover" and suddenly I was whole again.

13 comments:

Alan the Great said...

Saw that on fark. Is it not epic?

xo said...

#1. I am a drunk asshole.
#2. That story totally made my morning. Poor little guy.

love, m

Skeezix said...

I am totally a drunk and have never been to put in bay, as an ohioan I am ashamed.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

My Parents call my cats "Grandcats" because they've given up on me having children.
Assholes

OMG I just read your last post and can I PLEASE come with you next year?? I promise to be a good drunk and dance and that I'm not a crazy internet stalker or anything. Sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend just how much fun you all have!!! I want in :)

Sgt said...

I'm not sure what was more disturbing.. the poor guy's member being glued to the vacuum or the fact he had an act which involved a vacuum and his member.

I'm honored you think I'm classy! This anonymous internet stuff is really doing wonders for my reputation! Let me know when the next Put In Bay party is!

CruiserMel said...

Is it fair to assume this act that penis-glue dude does is not exactly family-friendly? Good grief, how come I don't find these whacky news stories before everyone else does in blogland?

Oh oh oh! I'm a drunk! I'm a drunk! AND I know my left from my right, so I'd be a ringer for the hand signals. Am I in?

Mon said...

sweet. theres no more fun than a bunch of drunken assholes! =)

Heyyyyy don't make fun of my moms car! All's she's getting is grandcats. Sometimes your mom has to give in and accept it.

Sassy Blondie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sassy Blondie said...

I just think that his name is HI. LA. RIOUS. "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf" LOLOLOLOLOL

Let's not even go there about the "grandcats"...

russ said...

Em effing 37th place?? I think we were dragged down by job growth.

John said...

I'm all caught up horface.

citygirl said...

I can imagine that Capt'n Dan was embarrassed, but at least now he's the most famous dwarf we know.

Anne said...

The penis stories on your blog really make my day - men and their members, its way too funny.