Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Krusty's 2007 is my new lover

So I know you're all wondering. Could Krusty's have been at all as awesome last year? And the answer is a resounding...


I'm telling you what, Clevelanders, if you missed it, you are a giant loserface. It's the best party in Cleveland and at only $40-which goes to charity-it's a steal. What are you thinking not going? I better see your ass there next year.

When we walked up to the entrance, I got all nervous and sweaty because I was 100% sure there was no way I was on that VIP list. I had taken out a bunch of money to just pay at the door since I pictured it going like this:

Me, wearing a "Free Paris" t-shirt, carrying a chihuahua and refusing to make eye contact: "Excuse me, worker, where's the VIP entrance? I'm on the list."

Person taking tickets: "No you're not. That will be $50."

Me: "Can you hold my chihuahua while I get out my wallet?"

Instead what happened was closer to this:

Diane, as we're walking up to the entrance: "Now be cool, Sarah. None of this weak shit like, 'Pardon me, I was told, if you please, that it's possible my name might be on some list, but I mean I don't know I can pay.' You have to act like VIP dammit."

Me, sweating and wondering how Diane knew exactly what I was planning to say: "Uh..."

Meg: "Our friend's on the VIP list!!"

Me, as they pull out the clipboard and begin to flip through the pages searching for my name: "I don't know. They said I was on a list. Someone named Tony."

Steph, right before I just decided to give them money because I was clearly not on the list: "It's the VIP list."

Workers: "Oh! The VIP list!" They flip to the back. "Yes here you are. Oh-you're the expert blogger."

Me, beet red: "Yes that's me."

Me, in my head: 'OMG all these people read about how I stole Blo-Pops and drank in the cab last year.'

All in all, it was amazing being a VIP for the first time ever. Roughly 5 minutes after we got into the party, I was announcing how much better I was than everyone. I also told my friends that they were my entourage, and I gave them all jobs.

Diane - personal assistant
Steph - manager
Sharda - publicist
Meg - stylist
Matt - driver
Drew - Turtle, from the show "Entourage"

Once again we spent all day in the PERFECT weather drinking and playing games and meeting new people. And then the dancing. Oh the dancing. The band was great, and they played fantastic music. At one point we lost Matt and Drew, and then we heard Drew singing. They were up by the stage singing with the band. Shortly after that our friend Lindsay gave us all candy cigarettes, which, okay what year is it? Didn't they stop making those in the 80's? No matter, we all faked smoked them, and then I put the pack in my tank top sleeve to simulate greasers from the 50's/60's. Thinking back, that might not have come across. It may have just looked like I had mental deficiencies.

Drew met more guys than us single ladies which is very sad, but the kid's a charmer. It's just how he works so it was okay. He made fun of a kid in line for wearing Crocs and ended up making friends with him. Then it turned out his new friend was my old friend from high school with whom, along with his brothers, you'll remember I spent the day dancing at last year's party. You see, people? It's like a little Krusty's family. And it's so fun that once you go, you can't not go. You are changed.

Diane, Drew and I attempted to play volleyball on the sand courts this year. Hey guess how good someone who is below average at playing volleyball while sober and on a level surface is at playing it wasted and on sand? Not good, you guys. So I decided to be the ref. Really all that entailed was me calling in or out on shots that were completely obviously in or out and drinking Bacardi Breezers that I stored in my skirt pockets. It's a sweet gig if you can get it.

During the game one of the guys on the other team turned to two of his friends who were girls who were walking around and playing as one player (awesome) and he shushed them and goes, "Stop. We're actually trying to win here." So Diane kicked sand on him. Holy crap I almost peed my pants right there. Then Sharda walked over and within a span of about 30 seconds she decided that one of the guys playing with us was pretty cute, then not cute at all, then she announced that she was done with him and then she left. It was amazing. Later on I watched Steph play giant frisbee with strangers and hit people in the head over and over.

When it was time to go, I sat down in my chair and whined. I didn't want to leave. Diane took on the tone that moms get when they are speaking to their kid who refuses to get off the mall floor. "Sarah, it's time to go. I know you want to stay, but it is 9pm, and it is closing. Get up and follow me to the car."

Obviously we hopped in a cab and went directly to the after party at the bar because you know after the show it's the after party and after the party it's the hotel lobby. In this case, though, there was no hotel lobby. Just the bar where other friends came out and met us and then Diane's house.

Guess what I did at the bar? I tied a cherry stem into a knot in my mouth. Twice. I have never done that before. Get in line, fellas!

I took a bunch of pictures, but not until we got in the cab. And let me tell you-they are horrible. It's like I freaked out because I realized I never took any pictures at the actual party so I just started pointing the camera and clicking without giving anyone any warning or even waiting for them to do something funny. Here is the best one I took:

Obviously this is in the cab ride to the bar, and obviously it's Meg and me. Steph was so mortified that we were breaking the law in her presence she couldn't even look at us.

Another thing we did at the bar: played Spin the Bottle. What's up, 6th grade?

Steph met a boy she really liked, and they decided they wanted to go out on a date and they were both so happy, and he dropped her off at home only she was so drunk she forgot to give him her number. Listen up dude named John (I think) who talked to Steph about Billy Joel amongst other things at Merry Arts in Lakewood: contact me if you want to talk to Steph! Steph, don't worry I will have a screening process in place for anyone commenting who claims to be this guy. It will include a rigorous question and answer process wherein I ask: Is your name John? Speaking of Steph, she has an awesome post about Krusty's, and it seems like maybe she remembers more than me. By the way, friends who were with me, how in the fuck did I miss naked firemen!?

By the time we left the bar, I was experiencing a rare phenomenon: the same day hangover headache while simultaneously still being totally hammered. It was surreal, and when Diane made us walk home from the bar, I was quite sure my night would end with me in jail because the police found me passed out in a tree lawn mumbling about Taco Bell. But alas, Matt made sure I did not lie down and take a nap on the way to the house. Thanks, Matt. Oh also Matt was trashed and spent the 15 minute walk home re-evaluating his life.

The next morning my feet were black because I thought it was a great idea to dance around at the party with no shoes on. Also it looked like a blind monkey put my sunscreen on. I was blotchy and red in random patches all over my chest, arms and back. And my right knee was bright lobster red. Yeah just the right one. I know what you're thinking and you're right-I am hot.

Dear Tony and the rest of the Krusty's crew: Bless you wonderful people. You run literally the best day in Cleveland. Thank you for letting me get in for free. It was so unnecessary and so amazing. I felt really guilty so I bought a t-shirt. Also I didn't steal any Blo-Pops this time. But I did steal like 40 pieces of Dubble Bubble. And when I got home, 9 moist towelettes fell out of my pockets. Sorry. Seriously...Best. Day. Ever. I will so see you next year. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!


Anonymous said...

Do not limit yourself to finding me a John...I'll take anything. Also, I sound like a hooker.

I'm sorry you missed the firemen, but Lindsey has pictures. Amazing!


Matt said...

I was actually fairly excited to think that there were no pictures this year. Huh...turns out there are? Please God let the pictures only be of the firemen and not me...and the cab ride...yeah...don't really recall that one.

Upon second thought of the re-evaluation of my life the next day becoming a pillar of propriety in my upcoming old age is boring. Bring on Krusty's next year!

Matt said...

Oh...and for the record I'm fairly positive that we by no means conned the band into holding the microphone down for us to sing into...repeatedly. The singer was just so amazed at our obvious singing abilities that all of the sudden it was just there in front of our faces. It was just natural to sing into it. Watch out world...we're taking the music scene by storm!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I missed out this year but I am glad I met at up at Merryarts later on. Oh, I am pretty sure that Spin the Bottle was my idea, so... my bad. -ALoyd

Skeezix said...

Damn, that sounds like the most ridiculous fun ever.
I don't know what is better, naked firemen, Steph hitting people in the head with frisbees or that you have a screening process in place for the guy, maybe named John, that Steph hit it off with.

Anonymous said...

Oh...there were pictures and yes....half naked fireman. I heart them. I just remember figuring out their station is right by my school and telling them that I am going to pull the alarm to make them come see me. Oh yeah. That and one told me to fake drownign in the lake so he could save me...I almost did. And...where did i find candy cigarettes? nice! :)

Johnny Virgil said...

we have nothing like this. NOTHING dammit.

The Middle Child said...

Sounds like wicked good fun!

ThatGirl7278 said...

This party sounds unbelievable.

Like truly. I. can. not. believe. it.


(Ignore me, I'm just a "hater".)

Mon said...

im sad I missed it. How about some fair warning next year so we could all plan accordingly. Sounds way more fun than working.

xo said...

I'm glad they made you a VIP. You mad me wanna move to Cleavland just so I could go.