Thursday, August 30, 2007

Tips for avoiding The Train dance at a wedding

1. Be aware of your surroundings. The Train can start at any time and not just to that annoying train song. In addition, keep in mind that it is not restricted to the dance floor. It feels free to move among the non-dance floor area of the room. Keep your eyes open.

2. Try to remain at least 6 feet away from The Train at all times. If you are closer than 6 feet to The Train, you are in the red zone, and the chances of you being sucked in are very high.




Note: not drawn to scale










Remember: the edge of the red zone is fluid. It's not a straight line, but rather it moves with the curve of The Train.

3. Head to the bar. If The Train passes you and tries to suck you in, you can point to the bar and say, "As soon as I get a drink!" No one will want to get in the way of you getting alcohol because it makes everyone sad when someone's glass is empty. This will buy you enough time to proceed to number 4.

4. Hide behind my friend Brian. He is there to protect you. Ignore his loud and unyielding laughter. Allow me to demonstrate:













Good luck and Godspeed.

10 comments:

Carly said...

my god, did you lose your arm in a train accident? I always wondered.

Sgt said...

This is good. I vote we add these diagrams to all wedding guest manuals. It can go right after "How to time a trip to the bar or bathroom to avoid the chicken dance" and before "Sex with Bride's Maids - Morning after obligations demystified"

david said...

This is some brilliantly good advice that I wish I'd had two weeks ago...

Skeezix said...

First off, Brian needs to bulk up if he's going to do a better job at hiding you.

Secondly, Sgt, I am going to need a copy of "Sex with Bride's Maids - Morning after obligations demystified" that way I can be prepared next time I'm a bridesmaid somehow end up in the bed man's bed. Uh, nothatseverhappenedtome, I'm a lily white virgin.

Alan the Great said...

Look at that picture. Now, see that both of you are facing away, and are simply looking back at the 'camera'. Now look at it again.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

The train dance makes me feel like I'm actually being sociable. It's great for shy people, I'm sorry but I'm sticking with my train.

"AG" said...

Still waiting for you to tell me what shade of lipstick that is.

Mon said...

While I loved your tips, what do you have against the train? I mean, it's always a good time! You get to hold onto someones elses' ass while they 'sway their hips now' and you might get lucky!

A said...

I had the opportunity to take your diagram to heart on Saturday evening. My husband and I attended a friend's wedding, and lo and behold, the train started up. We adhered to the 6 foot comfort zone, and were not sucked in! Thanks for the good advice.

I love your blog!

Sarah said...

I am confident that this post will save my life one day. Thank you.