Big news

You guys, I have huge news: Pam from "The Office" is splitting up with her husband in real life.

Okay technically that's not my news. And whether or not it's huge is in the eye of the Office or Non-Office fan. (By the way, Non-Office fans, what is wrong with you?*) I am very sad for Jenna because every time I see her she talks so lovingly about her husband. I'm sure she's devastated. I think she should come on down to Cleveland and have a drink with me and my friends. Come on, Jenna! Next week we are going to Steph's to do crafts and drink wine. You in?

In other news, DJ from "Roseanne" is 25, married and has 2 kids. Something in my life has clearly gone awry. Where did I go wrong, you guys?

Okay now for the real news. Wait but first some comments on current VH1 shows:

1. Show: "Rock of Love"
Premise: Reality show wherein Poison's Bret Michaels searches for love...in a pool of producer-chosen whack-jobs with big hair, and instead of "Will you accept this rose?" he says, "Will you rock my world?" because life is just that awesome.
My comments: Why am I not on this show.

2. Show: "Pick Up Artist"
Premise: Biggest effing chach I've ever seen in my life calls himself Mystery, wears makeup, face jewelry, ponytail, fuzzy tophats and outfits made entirely out of crushed velvet and gives girl advice to average joe type dorks who probably just need to be themselves.
My comments: Seriously? This guy? Giving advice?














Seriously?

Okay honestly for real I have big news.

I got a new job. It's with the same company where I work now just in a completely different department (and in the same building as my lunch boys). I have John to thank for this opportunity being presented to me because he bribed my new group into interviewing me.

I have been in the job I'm in now for 8 years. I won't bore with you how I got hired and moved into my current position because those stories have nothing to do with alcohol, and I know you guys come here for the alcohol stories. But suffice it to say, I haven't had a "real" interview in, well, ever. So I was terrified going into this interview process. I had to make sure I didn't swear, use the word "totally" or talk about Matthew Fox. All big challenges. Somehow I fooled them into thinking it would be a great idea to hire me. So they did.

I wasn't actively looking for a new job, though I admit I have thought about it for a while because I've been doing the same thing for 8 years and there's really nowhere for me to go from here. This new job will throw me into a different world of which I know nothing about. That both terrifies me and excites me at the same time. This is one of those decisions you have to make with your gut and hope it turns out well. A new job is always a leap of faith. But I called my new manager today, and she said, "Hey Sarah-hang on a sec." and then she turned to her co-worker and said, "Seriously are you not wearing any shoes? Dammit I knew something smelled in here." So maybe it's not that big of a leap after all.

John, honestly, I can't thank you enough for making this opportunity happen and for lighting the fire under my ass. Shop Dungs + Okay Seriously = BFF. And also Shokay Dungsly.

By the way, right before my first interview with one of the women, John texted me with some advice: "Interview tip no. 1: Picture yourself in her underwear."

After that, I can't possibly have bigger news, right? Wrong. My little sister, in a move reminiscent of when she got up to the high school where I was and instantly became more popular than me, has managed to trump me yet again.

DIANE AND DREW ARE ENGAGED!!!

Yes my baby sister is getting married. It's been 2 weeks, but I was under strict orders not to say anything until family and friends were notified.

When they stopped by my house to tell me, I had just gotten off the phone with her. We had been talking about nail polish, and I was expressing my (completely unreasonable) angst at not knowing which shade to choose to wear on my toes for Kim's wedding. So when they stopped by, I, quite unselfishly, assumed they stopped by to help me decide. I went on and on about nail polish till finally Drew said, "Hey" and pointed at Diane who was holding out her hand. I walked up to her and said, "Oh what color are you wearing?" I was still in hard core nail polish mode, people. In my life I have never, ever cared that much about nail polish, but at that moment it consumed me. Diane literally had to point at the ring for me to get it. Then I completely and utterly "lost my shit", as they say.

My reaction in a nutshell:

Screamed at 100 bajillion decibels: "WHAT!?"
Looking back and forth between Drew and Diane.
"WHAT!?"
More looking back and forth.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!??!?"
Screaming, jumping, hugging, crying, etc.

It was an amazing moment. One I'll always remember. I think I really made it special for them, too, by dropping the f-bomb. Well, as it's been well established here, I am nothing if not completely classy.

Drew did everything right. He did it on a random Wednesday for the element of surprise (cute), didn't tell me on purpose because he wanted to surprise me too (so cute), brought his mom and brother ring shopping (so so cute) and asked my dad for permission (soooooo cute). Also he found a way to incorporate Diane's palm pilot (an item with which she has an unhealthy obsession) into the actual proposal itself. He really knows his audience.

In addition to all of that, he had made reservations for his family and ours to go to dinner the night he proposed so I was there when my mom found out. My mom didn't cry, but I did just at seeing her joy. My poor parents. Part of them probably thought they'd never get to plan a wedding. (Right now my mom is probably getting ready to call me to tell me that they "never thought that-we love you just the way you are and are proud of you".)

The ring is effing ridiculously beautiful. I think Woody put it best when he said, "Man Drew screwed us. He's set the bar really, really high."

So now we are busy planning the wedding and God bless Drew for putting up with me pretending like it's my wedding for the next 10 months. He's a patient man, that one.

By the way, it hasn't escaped me that my younger sister is getting married before me. I try to even joke about being upset about it, but I can't. I'm way too happy. But here is my conversation with my friend Sudha after he found out the news:

Sudha: Man. This is really starting to hit me. She's younger than us.
Me: Yeah. We're behind schedule.
Sudha: God I can't wait to hear your speech. Get all drunk and depressed and get up there with a whole bottle of champagne and cry 'I'm never getting married!'

I don't know about the depressed part, but I think we can count on the bottle of champagne, Sudha.

Congratulations, Diane and Drew! I love you guys! Would you rather me sing "Come Clean" or "So Yesterday" at your reception?

*By the way, my mom reluctantly told me the other day that while my parents were in Mexico last week on vacation they happened to watch an episode of "The Office" (aka The Show They Don't "Get"), and they thought it was hilarious. I knew you couldn't resist the powers of Michael Scott, Mom and Dad! Don't worry I will loan you my DVDs. We can become a real family again.