Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Happy No One Will Marry You Week!

Did you know it's National Unmarried and Single Americans week? You didn't? Maybe that's because that's the lamest thing you could ever celebrate. Seriously WTF? I don't need a week to remind me that I have no one to cook for me or kill the spiders.

Here's an article about it written by a slightly bitter chick who just broke up with her boyfriend and with whom, honestly, I would like to hang out. Of course this "holiday" week was invented by people in Ohio. Jesus H., Ohio, what are you doing. You're embarassing me.

The best part of the article are the quotes by a dating expert*:

"This week single people are finally given permission to actually get out and enjoy themselves," the expert explained.

You guys, I'm finally allowed to have fun this week! Thank God. I have been sitting at home doing nothing all year as evidenced by this blog. And now I can finally cut loose. Any suggestions on how to have fun, expert?

"Get a good night's sleep, hang out with friends, or go for a great haircut."

Easy, expert! Let's not get crazy here. I still have to get up and work tomorrow LOL wink wink! (Doesn't that expert seem like someone who would use LOL and wink wink in an email?)

Anyway this is clearly all nonsense. I don't need a week to celebrate the great things about being single as that is what I do every single day of my life-obviously. But I do think we should all get together and get haircuts. However, we should try to be done by 9pm so we can get a good night's sleep.

*How exactly does one become a dating expert? Is "dating expert" code for "slut"?

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure I'll celebrate National Singles Week. However, I would like to point out that today is international "Talk Like a Pirate Day"... and that, I will celebrate. Maybe that explains why I'm still single...

- Meg

Skeezix said...

Fuck, as a single person I didn't know I was supposed to be sitting at home pining away my life all year and that I was only allowed to come out into society for one week a year.

I think all dating experts are total bullshit assholes.

Anonymous said...

Wait, I want to know more about this whipped cream and speed dating because that sounds right up my alley...know anymore details about that? -Steph

russ said...

Luckily, next week is Total Bullshit Asshole week, when dating experts and conservative talk show hosts can finally do the hokey pokey and turn themselves about.

CruiserMel said...

OMG, I just read what russ said. Now THAT'S something to celebrate! I'm making my haircut appointment pronto.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

Did you read that article in AARP? Maybe that would explain it. Otherwise? What the hell?

xo said...

Isn't being single all about having an awesome hair cut & seeing your friends all the time? Why would you need a holiday for that?

m

Sgt said...

Hmm. Does the fact I got married mean I was successful at dating or a failure?

spaceface01 said...

Awesome! I am going to celebrate by going to the Rock of Love Casting Call tonight...with my friends who are also members of the "no one will marry you" club!

Sassy Blondie said...

Seriously, Sarah, what's up with Ohio?? And as far as I'm concerned, I'm a dating expert at this point!

Johnny Virgil said...

Our friend Yort used a flowbee for years.

LoveMyselfFirst said...

this is the lamest celebratory week i've ever heard mentioned. they should make a week to celebrate having regular bowel movements. what the f--- ever. lol

Mon said...

Seriously. This worries me. What do we have to look forward to?

Idea #527 said...

This has just made me speechless!
It's kind of like Sweetest Day or something! I'm calling Shenanigans!
Thank you for bringing it to my attention!

As for the haircut, my grandparents actually bought one after seeing the informercial back in '92. And my grandmother after not paying attention, inadvertantly turned the cutter the wrong way and basically shaved the middle of her head. (A backwards mohawk if you will.) And long story short, as she tried to correct the mishap, she ended up shaving her head. Thus, she was too embarrassed to come out to IL for my conformation.

russ said...

Happy Total Bullshit Asshole week!