Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Signs you might be drunk after tailgating for the Browns game*:

1. You pee into a bucket inside a little tent with all your friends standing outside of it talking to you.

2. You yell at 12 year olds for having no manners and tell them that if their football comes anywhere near you again you will throw it in the pee bucket.

3. While walking to the game, you let strangers drink some of your drink. Strangers who you're pretty sure are not 21 yet thereby making you a criminal.

4. Also while walking to the game you look across the street to yell at Meg and walk directly into a parking meter**.

5. You, a person who hates beer with everything inside you and hasn't had a drop in 11 years, drinks beer at the game because you are so wasted and don't want it to end ever and your sister is a really bad influence.

6. After sitting in the sun all day, you have a football helmet shaped tan line on your face-the result of an ill conceived plan that involved putting a fake tattoo on your right cheek.

7. The people who lived down the street from you growing up and babysat you everyday after elementary school end up sitting 2 seats down from you, and as they are passing you beer from the vendor your sister says, "Hey, Mrs. B, this is just like when you used to give us alcohol when we were at your house, remember?" Okay that's more of a sign that your sister is drunk.

*Hell yeah, Browns! Best game ever!

**For real I walked directly into a parking meter. Left boob took the biggest hit with the left side of my jaw taking a secondary hit. I didn't really know what happened till it was over, and Jen was peeing her pants. Seriously she peed in her pants a little. The best part about it-besides the guys behind us telling me it was the best thing that's ever happened to them-is that my sister was laughing so hard that literally 3 seconds later she walked into a parking meter head first.

I love tailgating.


Anonymous said...

Wait... first, you have all this talk of underage drinking.

Then, you say that you haven't had a beer in 11 years. The usual subject matter here (being drunk and how it is awesome) puts you at 30 or under, which means you would have been a MAXIMUM of 19. Which is fine here in Canadia, but you.... are a criminal.

Skeezix said...

How is your life always so awesome?

Also I love that you actually used the pee bucket.

Anonymous said...

I need an Ohio State tailgate from you guys. I cannot do a Sunday drink fest, it's too hard to recover, but I cannot live knowing I am missing the amazingness you are pre-football games. Let's plan a Buckeye tailgate...you have the proper attire now, please?


Tori said...

we need to unite forces.

end of discussion

Johnny Virgil said...

You seriously need a petey helmet.

Torrence said...

HOly crap, someone stole my Petey Helmet!

Woah, I totally own that phrase, that's wild.

Torrence said...



Shannon Erin said...

I have to stop reading your posts at work. It was so hard containing the laughter, I actually shed a tear.

CruiserMel said...

You and your sister sound like Lucy & Ethyl. That parking meter story would make for great sitcom material.

You used the pee bucket????? OMG.

Mon said...

im totally digging the pee bucket thing. peeing in the privacy of a tent outside while everyone else is suffering = awesome!

and you made those kids days. youll be their story forever. infamous! "i had my first drink at the browns game in 2007, this chick smacked into a parking meter, and I totally knew she was drunk enough to let me have a drink....."

Sarah said...

Alan the Great, that is true. I was a criminal back in the day. But isn't providing minors with alcohol worse than underage drinking yourself?

All, yes I for real used the pee bucket. It took like 5 minutes of squatting for anything to actually happen because I was so nervous and freaked out. But the port-a-potty lines were ridiculous, and not to be crass, but they were filled to the brim with number twosies so I chose pee bucket.

Steph, OSU tailgate = it's so on.

Tori, drunk forces unite!

JV & Torrence, apparently I need a petey helmet for my boobs because that is what I ran into it with, and it is bruised and hurts like an effing bitch. Tor, I've definitely heard you say petey helmet before.

Shannon Erin, is that a real pic of your dad? Holy awesome batman.

Cruisermel, OMG we should be our own tv show! That would be awesome. And I could stop working.

Mon, thanks for the pee bucket solidarity. It was surreal to say the least especially since my friend Jen was talking into the tent saying, "You can do it, Sarah!"

Diane said...

I cannot believe I said that to Mrs. B. I don't remember that. I also don't remember what was said to our JUNIOR HIGH teachers that were sitting in front of us that we had to talk to because of Jen.