Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Whatchu got, 31?

Thirty-one wasn't nearly as big an emotional rollercoaster as thirty was. In fact, I barely even thought about the number at all. As usual, my family and friends made my birthday amazing. My parents took me out for dinner at a really nice restaurant where I spent the entire time talking about how I was going to branch out from the norm and order Boston scrod then I got steak. Because honestly why wouldn't you get steak unless you are a person who makes no sense.

I was showered with amazing and plentiful presents because I am spoiled. One of the best presents I received was when John and I were leaving our building. See there are turnstiles. Not like regular turnstiles where you push through and the arms turn. It's just one arm that goes up and down. I will do my best to draw it:

So to get into the building we put our key card onto the card reader. If we have access the arm goes down and we can pass through. On the way out of the building, you don't have to use your key card. You just walk up and a sensor senses you are there and the arm goes down allowing you to pass through. Usually if you follow someone out the arm will stay down, and you can just go right out. John followed me out and right after I walked through I heard a grunty "Oh!" and turned around to see John clearly caught in mid-step with the turnstile arm buried in his crotch. Apparently as he tried to walk through, the turnstile thought it would be hilarious to come up real fast and hit him right in the package. And also trap him there.

I can honestly say that in 31 years of life on this planet, I have rarely, if ever, seen something so. gdamn. funny. I instantly couldn't breathe. I almost dropped everything I was carrying I was laughing so hard. The security guard yelled out, "WHOA! Man I did that before! I was on the ground! Sue [name of company]!" All I kept thinking was, '1-I can't believe the security guard and I are the only ones seeing this right now and 2-Holy crap he is totally stuck.' He was stuck there for what had to be at least a full minute until the arm finally released his genitals. I laughed almost uncontrollably for the next 15 minutes as we walked up to my car to drop off our stuff. As we walked over to the bar for happy hour. And as we sat there having our first drink. It was seriously the greatest thing ever.

This is the best I can do to show you what happened since I was laughing too hard to even think about taking out my camera phone:

I told my friends that we shouldn't celebrate this particular birthday. I had such a big party last year, and I thought we should just leave the celebrating to those who weren't over the big 3-0. So obviously my girlfriends took me out Friday night, wouldn't let me pay for my own dinner and then forced me at gunpoint to drink like 4 martinis. And by "at gunpoint" I mean "I really wasn't forced into anything". Chocolate mint martinis make Sarah happy. Also a 22 year old boy told me I was "crazy cool". When he and his buddy who were hitting on us realized we were only slightly older than them (stop laughing) this is what he said, "Well we've all been working hard all week and hey, whether you're 21 to 35, you still deserve to drink, right?" At that point Sharda said, "Um exactly how long have you been working?" And he said, "Since Monday." Then I read him a story and put him to bed with a glass of milk. Because seriously. I probably work with his mom, and we are best friends.

On Saturday, a joint party was thrown for me and Bob whose birthday was December 9th. Bob turned 29, but I think more people wished me a happy 29th than they did him. That's how awesome my friends are. I wasn't even allowed to buy any drinks. Not that I needed to. I was kept well stocked with vodka and white Russians and shots of Bailey's. Plus my sister's future sister-in-law (got that?) gave me a corsage and danced an Irish jig. Yeah. Amazing. I think the best part about the party, besides having all my friends there, was that I was not the drunkest person there. Not by a long shot. At least three people threw up-none of them me. Thanks, friends who were bigger drunks than me!

Sunday was Decorate Aloyd's house day, and it was amazing. He bought us wine, and I bought us pizza and we put up all his decorations, took videos of ourselves (including one where I thought Drew was just taking a picture so I was just staring at the camera creepily smiling for like 15 seconds) and watched "Christmas Vacation". I think we achieved our goal of bringing the Christmas spirit into Aloyd's house…and his heart (this is something Doogie Howser would write in his computer journal at the end of the show. I can hear the theme song in my head. Worst. Theme song. Ever.)

Sunday night as I lay on my couch letting my hangover catch up with me, my mind wandered to how amazing my life is that I have a family who spoils me rotten and still makes me take pictures holding up my birthday presents as I open them and friends who refuse to let my birthday go by without celebrating it. I am one incredibly lucky person.


urban princess said...

Happy belated birthday!

Mon said...

sounds like you had an awesome birthday extravaganza!

Sassy Blondie said...

Sarah, who knew you were such an excellent artist?

Glad your birthday was great!

Idea #527 said...

Thank you again for making me laugh uncontrollably outloud and then while I tried to hold the laugh in, I almost peed my pants. This is what I get for reading you at work while my boss is here and I'm pretending to do work.

Idea #527 said...

Oh and Happy belated birthday!!

Johnny Virgil said...

I told John and he was like, "I didn't get my junk stuck. It just came up and whacked me on the nads."

I'm glad he cleared that up.