Florida: The Trip

Once we got to Florida, it was time for some fun in the sun. And by fun in the sun I mean fun in the record low temperatures. It was the coldest it's been there in 20 years. 20 years, you guys. It was 80 the day before we got there and 80 the day after we left. Somehow I still managed to end up with a good tan-wait I mean windburn. Good windburn. My bad. Despite the horrible weather we were absolutely determined to lay out by the pool and drink daiquiris. I really want to post a picture on here right now, but since I'm doing it from my Blackberry I have no idea how. Just imagine people laying out by the pool in jeans and sweatshirts and covered up in towels while drinking frozen drinks. That's what we looked liked.

We really did have a great time in Florida despite the weather. We shopped, ate, drank, played games, relaxed, laughed our asses off-all the awesome things you do on vacation. One of the days we went to DisneyWorld's Magic Kingdom which I haven't been to in 13 years. It was fucking-a freezing. Yeah I dropped the f-bomb. That's how cold it was. We all ended up buying gloves and extra clothes there during the day because it was so effing cold. But we powered through, and we rode rides, watched shows, got mad at other people. What is it with other people at amusement parks? They are always in my way and bothering me and making me have violent thoughts towards them. It would be so much easier if they just let me go by them in line at all times. I almost bought a tshirt at the Pirates of the Carribbean ride that said "My Boyfriend is a Pirate" with a picture of Jack Sparrow on it. Then I remembered that I was 31 and would like to have sex again sometime in this lifetime (sorry, Dad). In line for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad we met a little kid in front of us who was playing a portable video game. He was telling us all about it and became completely obsessed with my mom. He was adorable, and he kept telling my mom not to be scared and when we got to the platform to board the rollercoaster he screamed out to everyone to take off their hats and sunglasses or else they would lose them. Unfortunately, he had an older sister who was the female equivalent of the kid from the line to see Santa Claus in "A Christmas Story". You know the kid: "I like the Wizard of Oz. I like the scarecrow." That freak. She was him. "It's cold out today. I like Sims." Creepy stare. My poor mother has no idea what Sims is and just nodded and smiled.

We had to wait a LONG time to ride Space Mountain so Drew came up with this game. It's called the Name Game, and at first I thought we were going to say someone's name and then sing "Drew Drew Bo Boo Banana Fana Fo Foo Me My Mo Moo. Drew!" And I was angry. But it wasn't that game. It was this other game where the first player says the name of a famous person. The next player has to say the name of a famous person whose first name starts with the first letter of the last name of the previously mentioned famous person. And it goes around like that unless a player says a name that has a double initial, for example, Vince Vaughn. When that happens, play is reversed and the player who just went goes next. I know it sounds confusing, but it's not. When Drew brought up the idea I was like, "Dammit Drew this is so lame." Then we played it the entire time we were in line, and it was the most amazing thing ever. It was so fun, and we barely even noticed how long the wait was. Not only that, we tried to keep playing while on the rollercoaster. We decided before we got on that whoever stopped the game because they were too distracted by the ride, lost. That would've been me. Drew thought he had me as we were getting on the ride by throwing me a celebrity with the last name starting with Z. But I came back with Zach Braff almost immediately and was pretty sure there was no way I was going to lose. Somehow my family and Drew totally kicked ass and as we were going over the first hill, it was my turn. And I blanked. Dammit. It was a sad day for all Sarah Name Game fans. After Space Mountain, we came outside and watched fireworks. Then we went down to the main street to watch the parade. And I swear to God I was like a 5 year old again. All of us were. Drew was yelling out characters' names, my dad was taking pictures of everything, my sister, mom and I were oohing and ahhing up a storm. Obviously I didn't like when the characters got too close because they are dangerous murdering mascots, but still-it was magical.

DisneyWorld is 3 hours from where we were staying so we had planned to stay at a hotel room that night to catch some sleep instead of driving home till 3am. We got to the hotel, walked up the room and I noticed the table was moving. Then I realized it wasn't the table moving, it was what was on the table. Ants. Tons and tons of ants. After almost throwing up, we got our money back and hightailed it out of there taking turns driving until we were safely back at our place. OMG I feel like I need another shower just thinking about the ants.

On the day we left, it started to warm up a bit so we decided to do the lazy river. The lazy river is basically a pool that is laid out kind of like a river and has a gentle current. You sit on innertubes and let it take you around. It was the greatest thing ever, and I almost peed my pants laughing like 17 times because D and I were trying to avoid the waterfalls, and Drew was not going to let that happen so hijinx ensued. The pool was heated and glorious, and then we got out. And we froze to death. Eventually it was time to say goodbye to Florida so we got on a plane where we sat in front of a screaming baby and behind a guy who got up every 15 seconds. It was my dad. Seriously, Dad, you can take more than one thing out of your bag at a time. We figured once we got to freezing Cleveland, we'd appreciate the Florida weather more-despite how cold it was there. Then it was warmer here than it was down there due to a Cleveland heat wave. So I laid out in my front yard and drank a daiquiri. Okay that's not true. I don't have any daiquiri mix at home.

Vacation is awesome.