Thursday, January 10, 2008

This definitely made flying on an airplane the next day more enjoyable

I bet you all thought my New Year's Eve would be filled with drunken shenanigans. Boy were you right. We started at Matt's house where I essentially made out with the dip his mom sent to him. Cream cheese and caramel, you guys. That's all I'm saying. Then we walked down to a bar where we paid a set amount of money and got free food and unlimited drinks. And eye candy in the form of a totally cute bar back who I'm pretty sure I'm going to marry. I mean, he might not be aware of our nuptials, but that's okay because I'm almost positive Steph got ordained over the Internet so she could marry us as long as I am standing kind of near him. Steph, please confirm.

Hey you know what's a good idea for someone who drinks too much and is depressed on New Year's? Unlimited drinks. Let me just say that I am holding the bar responsible for the shape I was in because they gave me unlimited drinks. For three hours. Also the wine and champagne I drank before the bar was given to me for Christmas by Anita and my sister. So really if you think about it, my behavior was not really my fault.

It wasn't long before we were sending pictures of our cleavage to Aloyd and making him guess which cleavage belong to which person. [ed. note: He got 100%.] [ed. note: That's creepy, Aloyd.]

At 11pm I could be found running around the bar yelling about how there was only one hour left in the unlimited drinks portion of the night and how we all needed to "make it count". After that came doublefisting and shots. Things I vowed to stop doing 8 years ago.

At midnight I kissed all my friends, and Lindsay grabbed some random dude and kissed him. As he walked away he said, "That...was awesome." I'm pretty sure I met NFL player Tony Gonzalez's brother and went on and on about how I had his jersey and sometimes slept in it. When his brother asked me which team's jersey I had, I said, "I think it's red." Then I ran away because I was afraid he would ask me for more detailed information about Tony Gonzalez, and the truth is that jersey used to be B's, and I stole it because it's comfortable, and I have absolutely no idea who Tony Gonzalez is or what he even looks like. I just know he plays football.

A little while later some pathetic ahole was laying on the floor of the handicap stall in the ladies room throwing up. It was me. Yes-less than an hour into 2008 I was upchucking cranberry and vodkas in the bar bathroom. Classy. And probably a good sign of things to come, too*. The situation became even more classy when I couldn't reach the door handle to let my friends in so Squirt just crawled underneath the stall door. Lindsay came in and flushed the toilet every 7 seconds, and Sharda called my sister to come pick us up. Diane and I are related so obviously she was in no shape to drive. Then somehow miraculously someone got a cab. I got in and said, "Man I really need a pop." Suddenly the cab driver was handing me an unopened can of pop. I never caught his name, but I'm pretty sure it rhymed with Beezus of Bazareth.

I wish I had more to tell you, but for reasons that are a mystery to me, I can't remember everything. I wonder why that is.

Oh-and FYI for you. Reason why my sister rules: when we got to her house after the bar, she was already cooking pizza for us. Clutch move, D-Chronic. C.l.u.t.c.h.

Reading this post, I can only imagine how proud my parents must be of their little girl. Sending boob pictures, throwing up in public, taking pop from strangers. Hmm...there has to be a way I can blame this on Britney Spears, right? Let me work on that.

How was everyone else's New Year's ? Hopefully puke-free.

*Surely there's a way we can twist this so that it becomes a positive metaphor. Ridding the body of the bad stuff = ridding my life of the bad stuff = clean slate for '08? I like it! I'm going to run with that.

P.S. I also sent a pic of my cleavage to Woody, and now when I call him that is the picture that comes up on his phone.

P.P.S. And you guys think I'm a bad cook.

P.P.P.S. I haven't watched tonight's Grey's yet, but from what I saw in the previews I'm not gonna like what happens.

P.P.P.P.S. Lost starts in 3 weeks. Go look at the cover for this week's Entertainment Weekly. Um...yes please. I saw that from across the airport and ran into the store and bought it. Let me ask you-am I too old to hang pictures on my ceiling? I mean it's not like I'm using the mirrors that are up there. Hey-oh!

My life is sad.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been ordained via the internet since 2004...Four years and no one has ever asked me to perform a ceremony...Yes, next time you are within a reasonable distance from cute bar back, I'm making it legal. -Steph

Anonymous said...

Sarah, grrrrr.... that's all I have to say. grrrr....

Oh, and it is not "clean slate in '08", it's "gyrate in '08"

--ALoyd

ThatGirl7278 said...

I think it was about 5 years ago now, but I had a very similar post midnight on NYE scenario. Only it was more like 15 minutes after and I was sitting on a bench outside. Best I could do was lean over, puke, and sit back. And for me it was ALL champagne. I don't believe in waiting til midnight to crack that shit open! Hell no! Happy NY and happy blogiversary!

Dhor said...

Def. not too old to hang up posters like that. I wonder if you could have it blown up???

Greys was ... Well I'll look forward to your review so I can comment and say "OH my god I totally AGREE" Cuz I will.

You have clevage? I don't have enough boob for it. So you've got that :)

Mon said...

when i got my entertainment weekly in the mail last friday, i squealed with delight, and did a dance at my mailbox, and my heart was racing. So...I feel ya on that.

p.s. awesome new years. I lasted til 6 am

Anonymous said...

My moment with my little 21-year old hottie (i'm assuming since we didn't actually speak) was very meaningful. ha!! I will always continually flush your puke. :) hee hee. oh, and your cleavage was glorious.
~Lindsay

Sassy Blondie said...

Sarah, you're nothing if not consistent. I love that about you...

A clean slate in '08? Sounds good to me!

And I too did a knock and tumble of others to get to the zine rack!

Adam said...

You're an inspiration to us all/me.

Raz said...

I think we should all learn from the positive spin you put on your NYE - clean slate in '08? Sounds good.

I love the way you write.

Sister Libby said...

Sending boob pictures, huh? That's ok. I know people who do things like that sober...
And your blog is awesome.

Johnny Virgil said...

"I will always continually flush your puke."

Wasn't that a Whitney Houston song?

CruiserMel said...

I'm not sure, but puking an hour into 2008 might just tie the dirty dancing I was doing at about the same time to "Boogie Shoes". Not once, but maybe 5 times. Yeah, I was drunk, but I was able to find the repeat button. And I didn't need anyone to hold my hair back. Hmmm, perhaps you win.

CruiserMel said...

Aw jeez, I just figured out the title of your blog entry here. Good grief - you DO win. Ahh, to be young again...