I don't got a motorboat but I can float your boat

Okay I started this post before midnight so I'm counting it as posting yesterday.

The Sunday before last I went down to Columbus to see my friends Kim and Mike and their awesome 11 month old baby, Carson. I'm not kidding when I say he is the cutest child you have ever seen. I got to feed him and tickle him and pretend like I was going to eat his hands and feet and he blew me kisses, and it was the greatest thing ever. It was all I could do to not shove him in my duffle bag and smuggle him home. (I'm just kidding, Kim-I would never steal your baby. Probably.)

Sunday night Kim and I went to see Billy Joel in concert. It was amazing. He is amazing. He sounds just as awesome now as he did 30 years ago. His piano skills are incredible, and he was funny and told stories and sang "Hang on Sloopy". It was glorious, and I almost cried during "Just the Way You Are". I cannot hear Billy Joel without instantly thinking of my parents and my childhood. It's funny how some songs are so ingrained in your memories.

Speaking of music, a little while ago someone suggested I do a post about the top 20 most played songs on my iPod. I looked this up yesterday. I have no idea how accurate this is because some of my favorite songs say that I've only listened to them like 3 times. But whatever. I am surprised by these results because there is like no 80's music. What is that about? Who am I? I don't even recognize myself.

By the way, I just added new songs to my iPod tonight so after this week I fully expect songs from the new Weepies album to be on this list. They aren't everyone's style (folk), but I am obsessed with them and they're new album is fantastic.

1. Friday Night Lights theme song. What? Seriously? The theme song to a television show is the most played song on your iPod, Sarah? Yes. Yes it is. Would it be my iPod otherwise? I don't think I need to remind all of you how much I love "Friday Night Lights" and how much you are missing out on if you don't watch it. The theme song is so pretty, and it reminds me of the show, and I get goosebumps every time I listen to it so I just play it over and over again. God I love you, FNL.

2. One Day - Trading Yesterday. This band used to have an album out, but now they don't or it's discontinued or I don't know. It's all very complicated. I don't remember how I got this song, but I'm sure it was obtained legally. The lead singer of this band used to be in Evanescence and then he dated Kelly Clarkson and when they broke up she wrote the song "Never Again" about him. Incidentally, no song ever sung by Kelly Clarkson now or in the future will be as good as "Since U Been Gone". I'm going on record with that.

3. Stolen - Dashboard Confessional. Um...this song is glorious. Absolutely glorious.

4. Best Days - Matt White. So this song is from Shrek 3. I know. But it is so good and reminds me of summer. You can't help but bob your head along to the beat.

5. Solid - Dandy Warhols. The Dandy Warhols are really weird, but this song is so fun. It's the theme song from a short-lived show called "Undeclared" that was on in 2004. My sister and I loved that show. It was hysterical. It was Judd Apatow's second TV series after "Freaks and Geeks" and Seth Rogen was in it and Marshall from "How I Met Your Mother". If you are ever looking for something to watch, rent the series. It's clever.

6. I Hear the Bells - Mike Doughty. I listen to this song at least once a day so it should probably be at the top, but I will accept it at number 6. You should really buy the whole Haughty Melodic album because it's awesome, but at the very least please download this song and bask in its amazingness. He says the word "snost" as the past tense of "snooze"!...!!!

7. Anticipating - Britney Spears. This was not one of Brit's released singles, but I cannot get enough of it. When I listen to it, in my head I choreograph a dance to the chorus. Maybe I will bring the dance out at Dance Dance Party Party someday. Although there is no way I will actually be able to do the dance in person as well as I do it in my head. In my head, I belong on Dancing with the Stars. In real life, I belong on a short bus.

8. The Man - Pete Yorn. Go listen to this song. It is fantastic.

9. Card House Dreamer - This Providence. I'm seeing a pattern here. Most of these songs are fun for me to dance to in my car.

10. Love Song - Sara Bareilles. You guys, I've been listening to this song since way before they started overplaying it on the radio. But I am still obsessed with it. Buy this girl's album. Her voice is phenomenal.

11. Can't Get Away - Third Eye Blind. How can you not love a song that goes, "Ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba bu-ba baba ba".

12. Theme song from "Silver Spoons". Um. I don't know what to say here. Except for you and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...we're gonna find our way.

13. Mine Again - Black Lab. This song is so pretty. Every girl has an ex she wishes would sing this song to her.

14. Weight of the World - Chantal Kreviazuk. I love Chantal Kreviazuk with all of my being. Plus she is married to the lead singer of Our Lady Peace. Has there ever been a cooler couple?

15. I'm Ready - Jack's Mannequin. One of the greatest songs ever in my humble opinion or IMHO as the kids say. I've said it before, Johnny Virgil's said it before, Andrew McMahon is a genius. JM has a new album coming out in June, and now I understand the Star Wars nerds' motivation for wanting to stand in line for movie tickets.

16. The Frug - Rilo Kiley. Any song that says "I can do the Robocop" is a-okay with me.

17. Shut Your Eyes - Shout Out Louds. Seriously every song I listen to is fun to dance to in my car. Well then how come I have so much road rage in the morning? I should be the happiest person on the road. Maybe I would be if it wasn't for all the assholes driving around me.

18. The Way I Are - Timbaland. I dare you not to dance to this song. Why is Timbaland so awesome?

19. More Than a Feeling - Boston. Obviously. I sound awesome singing this song. I mean I can't really hear myself because I have the music turned up so loud, but I bet I sound awesome. Plus I probably look cool to people driving by me.

20. Bad Reputation - Freedy Johnston. You guys, this song came out in like 1994 or something, and it wasn't even all that popular I don't think, but I have loved it ever since. I tend to rewind it over and over. Not rewind. Repeat. I'm not listening to it on a cassette player. Even though I do own the cassette.

Okay now you guys tell me what you are listening to.

Still alive

I swear to baby Jesus I am going to post today. I just have to go kick some ass up on the 6th floor of my building then I'm on it.

Flying the friendly bars

So Scott and I were just discussing my single status and how annoying it is. For those of you that don't know, my ex and the reason this blog was even started in the first place, B, and I met on an airplane. Not a normal way to meet someone, but it was fun and interesting and would've made for a great story if he hadn't turned out to be a Cleveland-and-Sarah-abandoner. So this is what Scott just wrote me:

"Hey! Maybe you need to take a couple of random flights. That has worked for you in the past. SouthWest has a $29 special right now. Get a flight from here to Chicago, then from there to Des Moines, then to Topeka, then to Dallas, then Oklahoma City, then to Nashville, back to Cleveland. That's like $180 - but also like 7 different singles bars."

I love Scott.

Your Friday at work sucked compared to mine

It's a multiple post day to the best of my ability since I'm officially the worst blogger ever!

Friday was a big day for John. No he didn't get a promotion nor did his kids do anything amazing. His car flipped the 100k mile mark. Obviously to celebrate we went on a lunch road trip. That morning he drove approximately 100 miles around the city to get it to a place where it would flip if we went somewhere at lunch. Only there were still 45 miles to go. So we drove out to the suburbs to a place called Mr. Divot's. Mr. Divot's is a putt putt, batting cage, driving range place that I literally hadn't been to since 1993. I have no idea how John thought of that place, but here's how our conversation went:

Me: Where do you want to go?
John: I don't know. I'm trying to think of someplace kind of far that I haven't been to in a while. Mr. Divot's?
Me: What? Is that place even still open?
John: Want to find out?
Me: Hell yeah.

So we grabbed Dan and Katie who with about 3 seconds notice that they would be gone from work for over 2 hours immediately agreed to come, and we headed down south to Mr. Divot's. The place hasn't changed in 15 years. I think maybe the women who work there are the same ones that were there when I was high school. We ate, we took pictures then we headed back downtown. Only we didn't cover enough miles. So then we started looping around the city. Dan suggested we head over to a traffic circle and drive around it for 9 miles. After driving around, John decided he wanted his car to flip in front of the Christmas Story House. So we headed over there, drove around the block a couple times and then it happened. John took about a hundred pictures, and I took a couple of John in front of his car. Then we got back in and John said, "Okay it's time to sell this piece of shit."

I love John.

Empty brain

So I know that I have totally sucked at this blog lately. Here's the thing-my poem is not done, and my brain is empty. Diane just called me and said, "You're really slacking on your blog this week." So I asked her to give me a topic. Here's what she came up with: Rock of Love. So I said, "No a real topic." And then she said, "There's a stripper fight on next week's episode." So here's what we've learned: Diane is useless.

You guys, help me. Someone please give me a topic to write about!

Do you smell something burning?

Can you imagine being so inept in the kitchen that you can't even make microwave popcorn correctly? I can. Because I tried last night and forgot I put it in the microwave and let it cook till it burned and then filled my entire house with smoke. There's nothing quite like the asserific smell of burnt popcorn wafting through every single air molecule in your entire dwelling. At least it's a smell that's easily covered up...by diarrheaing everywhere. And even that is only temporary.

Everything I own now smells like that. My curtains, my carpet, my couch. The best part is that I had just done laundry and had some wet clothes drying on a rack in the kitchen. I love doing laundry twice. I lit approximately 11 candles which helped do nothing at all except turn my house into a fire hazard because I fell asleep with them lit. I'm fairly sure I smell like burnt popcorn, too. It is all I can smell. I suppose it could be that sitting in it all night burned the smell into my nasal cavity making it impossible for me to smell anything else. But still-I'm pretty sure I reek. To make up for it, I overdosed on perfume obviously. Because guys love it when you smell like perfume mixed with pure ass.

Also breathing in those fumes all night has done wonders for my throat as this morning it feels like I was shoving sandpaper down my esophagus all night. Wait can't I get cancer from this? Remember that whole cancer thing with the microwave popcorn? Oh my God I have cancer. I can feel it.

I decided immediately after this disaster that I am never making microwave popcorn again. Then about 12 seconds after that I made some more. It was delicious.

Spring Break Day

I just want to say that I love you guys so much for all your suggestions. I will be reviewing all of them and choosing which one(s) I am going to try. A, Tor's right. Scuba diving = sharks. You'd have better luck getting me to give up Salt & Vinegar Pringles than getting me scuba diving. But I like how you're thinking. Note to Christian re: your comment: BURN!

Now here is my idea for all of you who are experiencing not so great weather and are annoyed: Spring Break Day. We did this on Saturday because we all needed to be cheered up from the gloomy weather. And actually the weather ended up being awesome only making our Spring Break Day that much better. It was, shockingly, Steph's brainchild. Here is what it entailed:

- Wearing spring break clothes or at least spring break colors.
- Yelling at people who didn't dress up spring break-y. For example, Sharda, Diane and Aloyd.
- Making fun of Aloyd for wearing a black wristband.
- Starting your drinking early in the day.
- Going to a really fun, summery bar and drinking pitchers of fruity drinks. Lots and lots of pitchers.
- Asking your waitress if she has cards and her coming back with a deck. That the bartender gave her. From her car. Awesome.
- Playing Kings at the bar.
- Going to a different bar downtown and drinking for charity. I'm not just saying that. We drank for Junior Achievement. Listen I do what I have to do for the kids.
- Using one of Matt's crutches as one of the following: guitar, microphone, boyfriend.
- Watching Meg be completely coherent and together one minute and then 10 minutes later not able to form sentences.
- Going to yet another bar to stuff your face with food you don't need.
- Talking about how you're young spring breakers who will be out till the bars close and then realizing you are actually old and going home at midnight...or 10 *cough*Steph*cough*

Try it. It is fun. Oh except you need a friend on crutches. You can borrow Matt if you want. He's nice and fun and laughs really loud and will let you borrow his crutches to try and gain sympathy from the opposite sex.

Get a hobby

You guys, I need your help. I need a new hobby, but I am at a loss on what to try. It doesn't have to be anything long term. But I want to try something new.

Things to avoid:

- Hard drugs

- Sharks

- Running

- Haunted houses

- Motorcycles

- Politics

- Anything that would make me have to become a vegetarian

- Anything that involves me having to dress up as a mascot and make out with other people dressed as mascots

- Girls Gone Wild videos

- Anything that would increase the likelihood of me hurting myself (I know this is a wide net to cast as I hurt myself trying on bras and straightening my hair so how about if you're not sure, go ahead and suggest it anyway then I'll decide if I think I can hurt myself badly. The thing is even if you suggested "Get a job testing pillows", it's inevitable that I would still hurt myself so obviously some amount of pain is unavoidable.)

So..anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

I seriously love Chiclets

So Diane STILL hasn't given me the pictures I need to post about Kevin nor have I finished my poem, and I think now that both of those posts have been so built up that there is no way they will ever live up to the hype. But I promise to still post them. Sadly, I don't have much else to write about today. Things are weird here the past couple days because a guy that I have worked with on a particular project for 5 months died suddenly on Saturday. I was supposed to see him yesterday morning, and then he was just gone. It's not like we were best friends, but he was part of my daily life for 5 months, and it makes me sad. I've already cried, and I think all I have left to do is to get drunk and pour one out for him because that man loved to drink. No wonder we got along.

Oh here is a question I'd like to pose to all of you: How come at other people's birthday parties, I get as drunk as or drunker than the person of honor? Such was the case on Saturday. Though I won't go as far as to say I was drunker than my sister because she held her own. I think my favorite part was when we were at her house after the festivities, and she was falling asleep on the couch and Drew said, "Hey Diane, show your sister our wedding bands." and I said, "Yeah show me!" And she angrily said, "You guys are being really mean." That made a lot of sense.

As for me, I think maybe I was at my most classy when I was dancing in the front window of the bar trying to "bring in new customers". Or maybe it was when I was stealing quarters from everyone so I could stuff my face with Chiclets. Or, I don't know, when I challenged Matt B. to a dance off because I didn't want him to leave. At any rate, it was a freaking blast, and I really think I've killed all the bad brain cells and am starting in on the good ones because this morning after I was at my desk for 20 minutes, I had to doublecheck that I had put underwear on this morning.