Do you smell something burning?

Can you imagine being so inept in the kitchen that you can't even make microwave popcorn correctly? I can. Because I tried last night and forgot I put it in the microwave and let it cook till it burned and then filled my entire house with smoke. There's nothing quite like the asserific smell of burnt popcorn wafting through every single air molecule in your entire dwelling. At least it's a smell that's easily covered up...by diarrheaing everywhere. And even that is only temporary.

Everything I own now smells like that. My curtains, my carpet, my couch. The best part is that I had just done laundry and had some wet clothes drying on a rack in the kitchen. I love doing laundry twice. I lit approximately 11 candles which helped do nothing at all except turn my house into a fire hazard because I fell asleep with them lit. I'm fairly sure I smell like burnt popcorn, too. It is all I can smell. I suppose it could be that sitting in it all night burned the smell into my nasal cavity making it impossible for me to smell anything else. But still-I'm pretty sure I reek. To make up for it, I overdosed on perfume obviously. Because guys love it when you smell like perfume mixed with pure ass.

Also breathing in those fumes all night has done wonders for my throat as this morning it feels like I was shoving sandpaper down my esophagus all night. Wait can't I get cancer from this? Remember that whole cancer thing with the microwave popcorn? Oh my God I have cancer. I can feel it.

I decided immediately after this disaster that I am never making microwave popcorn again. Then about 12 seconds after that I made some more. It was delicious.