Oh say can you see

So you guys might not know this yet, but I am famous. On Saturday, I sang the national anthem at the Indians game. Okay so it wasn't me by myself. It was me, my sister, my parents and Drew. And like 40 other people. So really I am just a nameless faceless generic singer in a group of many. But still. I was three feet away from Grady Sizemore. Where were you?

My parents sing in our church choir. I do periodically-like at Christmas and Easter when I actually go to church. Our choir director is the son of a choir director from another church. This other church choir sings the national anthem at an Indians game every year. This year they invited our church choir to join. Diane, Drew and I are not in the church choir. So how did we end up singing with them? Blame that on my parents who signed us up to sing without even asking us. We just got a phone call a couple days later like, "Oh hey-we signed you guys up to sing the national anthem at an Indians game. Cool?" Um...wtf?

Drew was very nervous because he had to sing bass and didn't think he would be able to learn the part. My parents were determined to help him practice yet there was never a time for him to go over their house so my mom could play the piano for him and help him learn it. So what did my parents do? What would any parents do in this situation but send me over to Diane and Drew's place with the giant Casio keyboard we got in 1986 that still sits in their basement. Oh yours wouldn't do that? Well guess what-mine would and did.

That's right, we practiced the national anthem at Diane's dining room table on the Casio. I have never felt cooler in my life*.














Actually singing at the game ended up being kind of cool. I thought we were going to suck, but we were actually pretty awesome. Plus we got to be on the field and right by the players. When we walked back in we walked right by the Indians dug out, and I pushed old women out of the way so I could be right by it. I was trying to decide how to behave. Do I yell stuff out like "Have a good game"? Do I smile seductively? I went with the "just stare like a complete creepazoid stalker lady" because honestly who the eff cares. I'll never get to stare at them again nor will they even remember so it's fine. I just wanted to drink in as much as possible. I'll say this right now: we have some hotties on our team.

So that's what I did on Saturday. Well also after the game I got really trashed and danced with my sister at a bar that doesn't have a dance floor or any other people dancing. But that's really not out of the ordinary.

*Actually this is not true. I felt a lot cooler later on at the game when we were standing at the bar in centerfield, and all of a sudden for absolutely no reason at all I fell over. We were literally just standing in a circle. I shifted weight to my left foot, and my ankle gave out and I was immediately on the ground. I wished I had been acting really drunk and obnoxious beforehand because I could then easily explain the incident away. But no. The explanation is that my ankle-and possibly even the universe-hates me.

The shows have been watched. Yikes, people. We need to talk.

Lost
I thought it was excellent. It didn't advance the story much, but it was still good. First of all, I spent the entire episode crying my eyes out thinking that Charlie was going to die at the end. Some people don't like him anymore, but I do, and watching those flashbacks it became pretty clear that despite his many issues, Charlie really was a pretty good guy in his life off the island. I didn't realize that the lady whose purse he saved was Sayid's Nadia. I read about it the next day. I knew she had to be important because they focused in on her so much, but we haven't seen Nadia in like 17 years so I forgot what she looked like.

Desmond offering to go in Charlie's place was so touching. I knew Charlie would never let it happen, but it was still a really nice moment. These two men have grown close, and it's awesome.

Of course after I cried for an hour, Charlie didn't even die. Thank goodness. But who are the Sydney Bristow clones on the Looking Glass? How long have they been there? They have to be totally insane by this point, right? Looks like it might be Desmond to the rescue this week which is lovely. Christian asked a good question in the comments. Why didn't they just cut the cable to the looking glass? JV's answer was that he didn't think it was a power cable so it probably wouldn't have done any good. So now I'm just picturing that cable being tied around a tree and that's how the looking glass stays put. I know it's not true because I saw how it was standing on the bottom of the ocean. But can you imagine. It's only sitting out there because someone tied it to a tree. "Don't worry-I double knotted it so you'll be fine."

Ben's completely losing it, and it's fantastic. Even his own people are like, "Mkay-what the hell is wrong with this guy." They don't want to listen to you, Ben. Because you're insane. Guy who plays Ben = awesome actor.

Is there any question that Jack is and always will be the leader? NO! Everyone better stop being suspicious of him -he's the effing man! "When they show up, we're gonna blow 'em all to hell." Hell YES, Jack! I love how he said, "Look-for 90 days I've been asked to make decisions for this entire camp. There you go. I just made one." That's right, bitches. Respect his authoritah. You are hot, Jack. A hot leader. Also I'm so glad Jack listened to Sayid when he told him he had to lead the people out of harm's way and couldn't stay to do the shooting. He was right. Jack's too valuable. I swear to God if they kill Sayid, Jin or Bernard on Wednesday I'm going to lose it.

Juliet, you have been removed from my shit list temporarily. You are now on my "Allowed to live but I am watching your every move so don't try anything" list.

Um...previews for next week. Jack says I love you to Kate???? This better not be preview editing trickery, Lost writers, or I will open a can of whoop-ass on you. Also: bring Locke back please.

The Office
If I tried to recap everything that was awesome, I would be writing a verbatim script of the entire episode. Let me just say that Creed is fantastic. First of all he has a blog. "www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out." Love how it's just a Word document that Ryan opened up. Brilliant. Also after they see Jan's boob job (hilarious), Creed says, "I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low sweet chariots." Holy crap I lost it.

I love how Jan is completely losing her mind. Who would've thought that Michael would be the normal one in the relationship. It was so funny when Jan had her outburst at David about being fired, and Michael was hiding in the background then he goes, "I didn't tell her."

The interview between Dwight and Andy was priceless. As soon as Dwight was announced the Regional Manager, Andy immediately started sucking up to him. "How do you make a table?" "You make a chair, but you don't sit on it." "You're not off to a very good start, Bernard." "I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn’t you say?"

I love the new badass Pam. She's so awesome. I totally get why Karen called her a bitch, though. From her perspective, Pam really is a bitch. But, Karen, if you call my Pam a bitch again I'm going to have to cut you.

I did not see it coming that Ryan that would get the job. What a great twist. Now he'll be Michael's boss. His smile to the camera after he said to Kelly, "You and I are done." was priceless.

I just want to mention that I love that this show throws things in like when Michael went into his interview, David made a point to mention how amazing it was that after the merger Michael didn't lose one client, and he still managed to trim the budget. It's good writing that they are constantly putting these small things out here to remind us why Michael still has a job despite being a complete moron/HR nightmare.

Oh Pam and Jim. Sigh. I'm still smiling, you guys. She put a note in his stuff with a gold medal from the Olympics episode! You see, Karen? She is not a bitch. She is the sweetest person on Earth. My God I love them together so much. He came back for her, you guys! Did he just leave Karen in NYC? Awesome! Diane feels bad for Karen. I do not. She is nice and everything, but she needs to get out of Jim's and my face. When he burst into the room to ask Pam out to dinner and said, "It's a date." I lost. my. mind. Her face afterwards-holy crap. She was so happy. So was I, Pam. So was I.

Other highlights:
- Angela in her evil voice: "Goodbye, Kelly Kapur."
- Dwight's Bed and Breakfast in hell that he co-owns with Satan.
- Meredith about Jan's boob job: "I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you then to the front."
- Michael to Hunter: "Can you give Jan a message for me? Just say 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."
- Dwight naming Pam his Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. Then later telling her she served the office with dignity.
- Schrute Bucks. "What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck?"
- "Good luck with your band. Don't let them change you."

Grey's
Okay, you guys. I don't know how much more I can take of this show. First of all, life just isn't that depressing and awful all of the time to every single person. I felt like I was watching "Party of Five" again-a show I had to stop watching even though Charlie Salinger was on it because it just became too hard to watch. That many bad things do not happen to one family. I think my biggest problem is that they basically tore down every single person in the show. The Grey's blog said they "burnt down the house". For what purpose? It makes no sense unless the sole reason the writers write anything is to shock the audience and garner ratings. That's what I'm afraid this show has become about to me. And that's not good writing. It's a cop out.

Izzie's in love with George. Please. I won't bore you guys with my feelings on this again. It appears, however, that the writers don't care that it's horrible and incestuous and will continue on with this ludicrous storyline. Incidentally, Izzie falls in love faster than it takes me to eat a can of Salt & Vinegar Pringles. And let me tell you-that is really fast.

Alex and Ava. You've got to be kidding me. I was just praising the show for not taking that storyline the way of Izzie and Denny, and now Addison is telling him Ava's the one for him? WHAT? Horrible horrible horrible.

My feelings about Bailey not getting Chief Resident and George not passing the exam are the same. Why spend the last 3 years making a point to say how awesome they are just to deny them later. For 3 years they've called Bailey "the chosen one". It is completely unrealistic that she wouldn't get the Chief Resident job. Completely and utterly unrealistic. And failing George? What? Writers, literally at every moment that you could you have shown George quickly developing into a talented and confident doctor. Then you fail him? That has to be one of the cheapest shots I've ever seen on television. Your development of his character as a doctor, I thought, was brilliant. Why in the world would you ruin that. It makes no sense. More proof this season is not about good writing or good character development. It's about creating drama where there doesn't need to be any.

Chief and Adele. I liked that they made the baby the chief's. That was pretty much the only thing I liked about this episode. I'm glad the chief and Adele are going to try to make things work. The only relationship with any hope. Also, I'm glad the chief offered the Chief of Surgery job to McDreamy. He deserved it. But you knew McDreamy wasn't going to take it. I'm so happy the chief won't be leaving the show. I love him.

Meredith and McDreamy. Meredith has consistently had a crappy life so I have allowed all the drama there. I feel so bad for her. She has never been able to count on anyone. However, now she can. It's unbelievable to me that someone who's been searching for love her whole life and now finally has it would be so quick to push it away. Do not break them up, writers.

Christina and Burke. Pretty much I have no idea what to say here, writers. Breaking them up may have been your worst idea yet. Relationships require compromise. That is a fact of life. It cannot be avoided. You say Christina was giving up all of herself. I didn't see that. All she had to do was get through the wedding so she was doing what she had to do to accomplish that so she and Burke could be together. If you care about someone you make sacrifices to make it work. Now I do agree he should have been thinking about her needs more and should have compromised more. Which is why it would've been so much more realistic if you had him walking to the back of the church and saying, "Let's run away and get married somewhere." But breaking them up was another cheap shot.

I will say that Sandra Oh's acting was brilliant. Her panic attack was painful to watch. If you ever wanted an idea of how I reacted when B left, that was it almost to a tee. I had one of those moments at least once a week for a few months. I hated seeing it on TV. I guess that just means it was uncomfortably realistic.

Grey's writers, I really don't know what to say. I think you've really dug yourself into a hole here, and I'm not sure you can redeem yourself in my eyes. I guess I will have to tune in to the beginning of next season to find out, but I can't promise I'll stick around. You've managed to take a fun, sexy, smart show and turn it into a depressing mess. Maybe I will forgive you if we get another towel scene with McSteamy. And some naked Alex.

Best Scrubs moments:

Dr. Cox and Turk are explaining to JD how being a father will change his entire life:
Cox: Listen, Newbie, having a kid changes the way you think about everything.
Turk: Hell yeah it does. Before Izzie was born if I saw a half eaten meatball sub in the trash you better believe I would dust that bad boy off and go to town on it. But now I'm not risking my health eating trash food. I mean unless it's a corn dog.
Cox: Thank God you procreated. Newbie, the point is when that kid comes, you'll start seeing the world a whole lot differently.
Turk: You develop patience.
Cox: You learn to forgive easier.
Turk: If you got baby poop on your thumb, it's no big deal. You can just rub it off on your jeans like that.
Cox: I've seen The Wiggles live in concert. Twice.
Turk: Did they perform "Big Red Car"?
Cox: They opened and closed the show with it. It…was awesome.

Cox is complaining about JD being his daughter's godfather.
Cox: Jordan, here are some things I'd rather see happen than Dinkus over there becoming the godfather: a nuclear war, a sequel to "Hope Floats", Hugh Jackman winning an Oscar-"
Kelso, patting Cox's shoulder: Yeah. Yeah. Funny long list. We get it. You need a new thing, big guy.

Recaps are coming I swear-I just have to watch Grey's

I am on 3 hours of sleep right now, and I was just told that I have been working here for 9 years (they use the date that I started as an intern) so all I want to do is go back to my car, lay down in the back seat with a bottle of wine and pass out until quitting time. But I did want to say that if you were woken up in the middle of the night last night by a high pitched screeching sound, that was me squealing with delight while watching The Office. Squealing with delight, you guys. I'm so happy right now.

Recaps to come...

P.S. I just want to say that this is shocking. They seem so tame. When you describe something as "the perfect killing machine" it really comes as a surprise when they try to eat you.

Crash into me

Saturday was our friend Becky's bachelorette party, and as predicted, the night ended with Steph, Sharda and I in the back of a police car. Let me explain.

I'll start from the beginning. We started our day off by driving about 7,000 miles to a winery out in the middle of a cornfield for Becky's shower. Even the bride got lost on the way there. I knew we were far from home when all the houses around me were actually named and not only were they named, but they were displaying fancy signs with the name of their house and/or farm on them. The winery, however, was really nice and fun, and let me just tell you a shower at a winery is my kind of shower. But we were classy and only poured the correct amount of wine into our glasses. And of course the correct amount is roughly "all the way to the top-then a little bit more".

After the shower we drove to the hotel we'd be staying at that night. Well most people did. We drove to the wrong hotel and were waiting in the lobby for 10 minutes before we finally got someone on the phone who told us we were morons. Finally we went to the right hotel and found the group-but only after we went to the wrong room and knocked and the people in that room refused to open the door then we stood in the lobby for another 10 minutes not knowing where to go. The room we were supposed to be in ended up being the room directly next door to the wrong room we went to first. Things, so far, were going smoothly.

Once we were all in the right place, it was time for more drinking and raunchy presents. Steph and I got Becky what is basically a stick-on furry bikini and a chia pet in the shape of a man's twig and berries. It was maybe one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and as soon as Becky opened it Steph immediately threw me under the bus and said that I picked it all out. Which, by the way, is complete and utter bullhonkey. They don't sell that stuff at the stores where I shop, Steph (McDonald's, State Liquor Store).

Abby gave Becky perhaps the most useful gift: anal beads (welcome perverts who found my blog by searching on 'anal beads'!). Everybody was laughing and telling Abby how gross she was, and her defense was, "But I bought the small ones!" Like, 'Oh aren't I a good friend? I bought small anal beads because I care about you.'

After gross presents, I was hammered, and it was time to eat. We went to Wasabi, a Japanese steakhouse. It was so flipping fun. Our chefs made us sing and told jokes and were just amazing. They did that thing where they go around the table throwing food at everyone and you have to catch it in your mouth. Everyone was having trouble then he threw a piece at Diane and she caught it on the first try, and Sharda immediately yelled out, "Why are you so good at sports!?"

After dinner a party bus picked us up and drove to downtown Akron to go barhopping. Besides being a safe way for us to get around the city and having a back section with a stripper pole and mirrors, the bus also proved useful for displaying Peter Pecker, the anatomically correct inflatable doll we took with us, and his junk out the window. The first place we went had a mechanical bull. Watching Becky-drunk Becky-ride the mechanical bull was one of the happiest moments of my life. Shortly after that, Abby learned a tough lesson about standing too close to Steph when she's dancing. Steph accidentally punched her in the face. While I don't condone violence (unless it's against Juliet on Lost), and I'm sorry Abby got punched, this was absolutely hilarious. However, Steph lost her dance confidence after that and wouldn't dance. That is not okay. When Steph doesn't dance, we all lose.

More bars followed including one where the floor was so sticky, I had to perform my awesome "move your body without moving your feet" dance. At the last bar Becky tried to steal a flag that was hanging way out of her reach. She got two of her friends to try and lift her up to get it. Over and over and over. There was no reason which made it all the more awesome.

At about 1:45 we finally got back onto the party bus with Peter to head back to our hotel. At this point most of us had been drinking for about 14 hours, and we had kind of a long drive ahead of us. So naturally most of us fell asleep. At about 2:45 or so, all of us woke up with a start because of a loud noise, a bump and being thrown forward into each other. No one had any idea what the hell had just happened including the driver. He drove for about 1,000 feet until he finally slowed down the bus to a stop. We were in the middle of a highway. This one girl ran to the back of the bus (it was a converted school bus) to look out the back window. She turned around and said, "There's a car under the fucking bus."

We all looked, and sure enough, there was a car wedged under the back of the bus. I didn't want to go any closer because of the fear of what I might see, but Diane ran up to the back to look. She came back, sat down and said, "There is no way anyone survived that. The front of the car is gone. It's just...it's gone." Steph and I almost puked.

I know you're wondering what happened. We were on the highway going 60mph and a car rear ended us so hard that the entire front of it was wedged under the bus. Think about this. We were going 60mph in the same direction as this guy. He had to have been going at least 100-120mph in order to slam into us that hard. WHAT IS WRONG YOU WITH YOU, CRAZY DRIVER MAN!?

Oh it's okay I can yell at him. He is alive. The bus driver went out to survey the damage and told us that on the bus, we had a really bad angle and that the driver was alive and talking. Not only that, he got out of the car a few minutes later and was walking around. Then we found out there was another person in the car. A person who was not responding and bleeding from the head but breathing and alive. However, he/she was trapped in the car. They had to break through the rear windshield and jack up the bus to get him/her out. I have no idea if he/she is okay, but the EMTs seemed hopeful.

I know you can't have a favorite part of a horrible car accident because it's inappropriate, but what about two favorite parts?

1. Right after it happened, a car pulled in front of the bus-a big white SUV. A man got out to come back and help us. He was dressed all in white with a giant pimp hat on. I'm not kidding about this hat. It's like it was purchased at a store that catered only to pimps. Since he was dressed in white and the headlights were still on and pointed at him giving him an ethereal glow, we all decided he was our guardian pimp angel. I half expected him to come onto the bus and say, "How my bitches doin' in here? You hos okay?"

2. About 5 minutes after the EMTs got there-all of that time spent directly behind the bus working on the person in the car-Diane noticed that Peter Pecker was staring at them from the window, anatomy fully displayed, where we had propped him up earlier. How in the world you can save lives while an inflatable naked doll is staring at you I don't know. It's probably part of their training. We later heard the cops refer to Peter as "the doll".

Eventually the cops let us sit in their cars because it was about -400 million degrees outside. Then they took us back to the hotel. Can I just tell you that I have never been more painfully uncomfortable in my life than I was in that car? First of all there is no cushion. Just hard plastic. The cop said it's because it's hard to wash out "urine, blood and other juices". Hmm...what about puke, cop? Will it make it easier for you to clean up my puke because you really didn't need to say "juices". Also there is approximately 3 inches of leg room. Steph was okay because she's like 7 inches tall, but I couldn't even get in. I looked at the cop like, "Are you effing kidding me right now?" and he said, "Yeah it sucks when you're tall." then closed the door. You guys, I am never getting arrested. Not because I don't want to go to jail or anything, but because sitting in the back of a cop car makes me want to cut off my own legs. Oh and did I mention the giant high powered rifle sitting in the front seat? No thanks.

Seriously I am so glad that everyone is okay and alive. It could have been so much worse, but since it wasn't it sure does make it easier to remember Becky's party for all the fun we had and not the moron who can't drive. Seriously take a look at this. Keep in mind the bus was not at a complete stop. We were driving 60mph.














Smooth move, Ex-lax!

If you need me I'll be sleeping under my desk

Man I am totally worthless with this blog this week. I didn't even watch Grey's last night. See here's the thing-I am currently hungover. But I am eating cheese and peanut butter crackers, drinking lemonade and listening to "Current of Love" by David Hasselhoff on Hal so I am starting to feel a little better. What's that you say? You don't have David Hasselhoff on your iPod? Your loss! This is the only song of his that I have on there. It's the ending credits to Baywatch, a show for which I used to harbor a serious obsession. I'm not joking. My friend Renee and I lived together all through college and watched it religiously. It was so wonderfully cheesy and trying so hard to teach life lessons while at the same time objectifying women and showing off their boobies. Brilliant! As a result, I was a geniune fan of The Hoff way before it got cool to pretend you were a fan of The Hoff.

Speaking of David Hasselhoff, tell me you've all seen the video. The one his teenage daughter took of him completely and utterly wasted. Okay so I am sad for him and his kids because he is an admitted alcoholic and has fallen off the wagon and his bitch ex-wife so obviously released that tape which should've remained private. It makes me want to punch her right in the throat. Okay so we agree he has a problem. But here's the thing: if I had a nickel for every time I ate fast food off the floor when I was drunk, I'd have...roughly...a whole lot of nickels. I can't do math this morning. Leave me alone. Seriously who hasn't eaten off the floor when they were drunk? Isn't that, like, a rule or something of being drunk? My point is, people keep making a big deal about how he was eating, and I'm just saying to those people, tape yourself eating late night Taco Bell after drinking 8 cranberry and vodkas and then we'll talk. I mean one time I woke up in a hotel room after a wedding with almost my entire body covered in french fries and ketchup. Like John said, at least David Hasselhoff used a plate. That's almost sophisticated as far as drunk eating is concerned.

I did watch The Office last night, and ho. ly. shit. Spoilers to follow. How in the world does it keep getting better and better? I don't get how that's possible. When Andy was floating in the water in that sumo suit in the background of Michael's interview while he was complaining about him being missing, I almost threw up from laughing so hard (and from the vodka). And seriously Creed has been so awesome the past few episodes, and this time was no different. He grabbed a fish out of the water with his bare hand! Then you saw him later holding the fish skeleton and saying, "I didn't know we were having hot dogs." Good Lord.

Please tell me you heard Michael on the bus singing "The Gambler". They never actually showed him, but you could hear him singing, and it was amazing. How did the cast not completely lose their minds? And Stanley was awesome only trying to win so he didn't have to work for anyone in the office. I love Jim, "I've never seen a man's eyes look like that before. I thought I might die. At beach day." I can't believe Michael didn't let Toby go. I was so sad. He was all in his Hawaiian shirt and beach hat. Seriously all the bit players had awesome parts this episode. I love Oscar, "I might try dating women." What about when Michael asked him if he packed his Speedo "because you can't wear leather pants"? Awesome.

Okay Pam? PAM IS AWESOME! Look how she's totally becoming more independent and assertive. It's so wonderful! I was shocked by her speech after walking over the coals. First she called everyone out on not going to her art show. Then she said all that stuff to Jim. "Jim, I called off my wedding for you." And "There were a lot of reasons I shouldn't have been with Roy. But none of them mattered until you." Holy crap his girlfriend was sitting right there!! That was amazing! Please let Karen get the corporate job so our Jim and Pam can be together. Please!!

Okay so this post is not funny at all. I'm sorry. It's like there's enough vodka in my system to make me foggy and confused, but not enough to make this a drunk post which would be both hilarious and humiliating for my family. So today I'm recommending you go visit The Onion. One, because it's awesome and hilarious, and two, because I just went there and saw this headline: "Area Woman Not Yelling At You, She's Just Saying" and that made the lemonade come back up my esophagus a little bit.

My Grey's recap-just in time for the new one

I finally watched it, you guys. For some reason I thought it was the season finale, and I was like, "This is kind of lame." Then I realized there are two more. Question about the previews for next week: who's that whore trying to pick up McDreamy in the bar? Not cool, whore.

Poor Christina. Having to deal with both overbearing mothers making her do the exact opposite of everything she wants. She handled it pretty well. I was really annoyed with Burke for not supporting her more. So he wants a big wedding and she doesn't. Can't they work it out between themselves and come up with a compromise? Why is Burke such an effing pussy around his mom? And also why in the world is he questioning whether he wants to be with Christina or not...AGAIN? I think they'll end up getting married, but Good Lord, writers, can you just stop it with the "do I really want to be with this person" crap? It's getting old.

Addison's new show looks like it could be good. It has a great cast-including the awesome Piz from "Veronica Mars". She and Tim Daly have good chemistry. The first episode guest starred hottie Sark from "Alias". And then there's the number one reason: Taye Diggs. I thought the dynamic between everyone was fun, and I loved when Addison was like, "We're not Mc-ing anything here." Kate Walsh really is likable. And ridiculously beautiful.

Bailey is the greatest ever. When she yelled at George and Burke, I was cheering. I want to be her.

I loved when Ava called Alex out on his BS. "Why are you so good with me and so bad with people you actually have feelings for? What happened to you?" I hope this is foreshadowing of storylines to come where we will FINALLY get more of Alex's backstory. I've said it before, but I think he's the most fascinating character on the show, and we know hardly anything about him. Also, he is just so so pretty. Can I just say here that I'm so glad they didn't go the way of Denny and Izzie with the Alex and Ava storyline. I was so afraid they would have them hook up, but it doesn't look like that's the kind of bond they are forming. And I'm thankful for that. I think it makes it even more interesting. He cares about her as a concerned doctor and now a friend because he was there from the beginning and he wants so desperately to help her and her baby. It's lovely really.

Izzie. At the beginning when she ran up to Christina so unbelievably excited about going wedding dress shopping, I was laughing my ass off. THAT is the Izzie I want back. The one who's annoyingly cheerful and loves everything cheesy. She really is adorable when she's like that. Bring that Izzie back, writers. We're sick of the slutty, marriage-ruining one.

George and Izzie. Ugh. Please make this end. Callie was so awesome in yesterday's episode. She and Christina make awesome friends. Remember at first I didn't really like her? Well she has completely won me over, and I was so sad when I realized she probably won't be on the show anymore. I don't even know what else to say about this storyline. I'm hoping if I pretend it's not happening, it will just go away. However, does anyone else think George looks like one hell of a kisser? I'm impressed, you big nerd!

Oh, Meredith. Even the haters out there have to feel something for her right now. At some point, when do you just stop trying with your dad, Meredith? You'll never be as important to him as his new family. I know he slapped her out of pure and utter grief, but my God. How much more can poor Meredith's heart take? How much more can my heart take!? Every time she turns around she's being disappointed by someone she loves. She was finally feeling happier and now McDreamy's being McAssy and her own dad not only hit her but blames her for her stepmother's death. Oh and her lovely stepmother. I can't believe Mare Winningham will not be on the show anymore. I'm so sad. And she finally made Meredith feel loved and important. Oh my God I can hardly stand it. Here's all I know: McDreamy, get. your. shit. together. ASAP. I don't have time for your whiny-ass games.

Hit me with your best shot

I haven't had time to write up my NYC recap or watch the shows, but the good news is that apparently this person works in my building:
























I can't wait for the day this person gets fired and becomes disgruntled. Where can I buy a Kevlar vest? Preferably one that shows cleavage.

Big Apple bound...but first, some Lost spoilers

I am leaving for New York City in a couple hours. My sister, Drew and I are going to visit my friend Sudha, spend all our money and hopefully stalk some celebrities. We are going to a Yankees game where my sister will most likely flash A-Rod, and I will outwardly clap for the Yankees but silently loathe them. The reason I plan on pretending to be a Yankees fan is because I'm pretty sure that if I don't, actual Yankees fans will kill me dead. It's about survival, you guys. It's my own personal Lost. Saturday we will be going to the Tribeca film festival and then seeing Avenue Q on Broadway which, in case you didn't know, is a musical. Starring puppets. And Gary Coleman. Two words: Bring it. Also I plan on going to Magnolia and getting a cupcake because 1) they are famous and 2) I am chubby and like cupcakes.

I am already preparing myself for the fact that I won't be able to watch tonight's shows until I come back on Sunday so my thoughts on those shows will be delayed (and seriously for those that care what my thoughts are, I just want to say that I love that you care). So I will leave you with my thoughts on Lost and ask that you please discuss in the comments and fill in the blanks because I know I missed stuff. I was so overwhelmed by what was going on.

Truthfully I'm not really sure where to start. I don't think I really have all my thoughts together. Last night's episode was awesome...and weird...and frustrating. Let's just start with the biggie: the declaration by Locke's dad (LD from here on out) that they are dead and in hell. If this is true, I am not happy. It feels like a cop out to me. What would be the point then of people having babies and fertility specialists and kidnapping and psychological testing and smoke monsters, etc? I mean honestly-polar bears in hell? It makes no sense. As soon as he said that they were in hell I was instantly disappointed. However, the mere fact that they had him proclaim it makes me believe it's not true. Lost doesn't give anything away like that. I don't think we'll really find out what the h is going on until the end of the series. LD said that one of the EMTs working on him after his accident smiled at him. Maybe that's because he or she worked for Ben's company and was about to whisk LD off to the island. I mean the accident was not his fault-he got rear ended. And Ben's people have killed before (Juliet's ex-husband).

Speaking of LD, it was pretty obvious just from the previews that Locke was asking Sawyer to kill him instead of Ben. And of course we all already knew that LD was the real Sawyer who our pretty Sawyer held responsible for his parents' deaths. It was nice to see Sawyer finally get his revenge. But nicer to see him be so shaken up by it that he got sick. He's still human (or a tortured soul spending eternity in hell-it's unknown which one at this time). LD was a complete rat bastard to his final breath. Good Lord that man was nasty. He got what was coming to him-death by metal chain strangulation! Nice!

Now as for the Locke story. What the hell is going on? We've been waiting for you? He's not the person we thought he was? What does all of that mean? It's so goddamn creepy. And then the Suddenly Susan guy who gave Locke Sawyer's file told him that he was special to this island and that Ben was jealous. To me, it was already obvious that Ben was jealous of Locke. I just really want Locke to lose his effing mind and kill Ben. How poetic would that be? He doesn't have the stones to kill the man who stole his kidney, stole his money and then paralyzed him, and as a result Ben embarasses him for being a coward then Locke sacks up and kills Ben? That would be beautiful.

I think Locke was being serious when he told Sawyer he was on his own journey now. I don't think he feels that he's on the Losties' side or the Others' side. However, he handed Sawyer that tape recorder and told him Juliet was a spy (lying whore), and I'm hoping that means that when the final battle comes-and it will come-he will come through for our Losties. However, what in the HELL is Ben going to show him in the upcoming episodes? "Are you sure you're ready for this, John?" I'm scared. And how come every time Ben calls anyone by their first name it makes all the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He is so creepy.

When I say final battle, I mean I think we are in for some serious Lord of the Flies shit, y'all. Former friends battling for power. People only being allowed to talk when they have the conch. Everyone shirtless wearing crowns made of vines and leaves. Piggy dying. Wait. I might be taking this too far. But, writers, let's see what we can do about that shirtless thing.

Seriously I don't like where this is heading. First of all, WHAT THE FUCK, JACK!? What do you and Juliet know that you're not telling? I swear to God on everything that is holy, writers, if you make Jack bad I will never ever forgive you for as long as I live. And Juliet, CAN YOU PLEASE DIE ALREADY!? Wipe the shiteating grin off your face and die! I'm not usually this into television death, but this show really brings it out in me. I don't know if I have ever hated a character more than her. Nina on season one of "24" was pretty close. I might have hated her more. Actually she didn't have the smirk so no-I hate Juliet more.

In other happenings,

- Sayid finally had something to do. It's about effing time. Also Desmond told the guys to tell someone they trusted about the parachuter. Did you see his face when he realized they'd told Sayid? He had a big smile like, "Good choice, fellas." I was thinking the same thing. Sayid is the shit.

- One more thing, Danielle is so effing crazy. I like how she just comes onto the Black Rock and is all like, "I'm just here for dynamite." Oh okay, crazy lady. There has to be some significance that she came on the boat while Locke was there. Maybe she'll end up thinking Locke has "the sickness" that forced her to kill her crew years ago.

- Penny did send the parachuter! Yay! She told you she'd never stop looking for you, Desmond! I'm sorry but to me that has to be one of the most romantic things that's happened on the show even though there was no making out and one of the characters wasn't even there. I can't imagine being Desmond and knowing that the woman you love has literally never stopped looking for you. Amazing.

So to summarize: What the hell is going on? Seriously.

I just found this in my purse

Actual notes I took on the 7 different wines I drank at the wine tasting I went to with my family on Friday night-before which I went to happy hour and after which my drunk mother told me I should marry a man who is divorced*:

1. Backwards check mark**

2. Hell no!

3. Didn't make me puke.

4. Okay! Could drink this if I had to. Or if I'm already drunk.

5. GEW!

6. Seriously. Ga-gew.

7. Victory! I'm drunk!

*This is not to imply that my mother is a drunk. In fact she is quite the opposite of a drunk which explains why she was drunk after this wine tasting. It was seriously awesome. God I love my mom.

**Something you don't know about me: I make my check marks backward. I'm not really sure why, but I think it's because my clarinet teacher was left-handed and when she used to mark off the exercises in my book as I would do them, she checked them backwards. Now it's just habit for me. Another possible explanation: I am always drunk.

Great Scott!

Work hates me, and I have had absolutely no time to blog. How about you read this article and freak out with me. So this is like step one of the robots taking over and making us their slaves, yes? That's all I'm saying.