Big Apple bound...but first, some Lost spoilers

I am leaving for New York City in a couple hours. My sister, Drew and I are going to visit my friend Sudha, spend all our money and hopefully stalk some celebrities. We are going to a Yankees game where my sister will most likely flash A-Rod, and I will outwardly clap for the Yankees but silently loathe them. The reason I plan on pretending to be a Yankees fan is because I'm pretty sure that if I don't, actual Yankees fans will kill me dead. It's about survival, you guys. It's my own personal Lost. Saturday we will be going to the Tribeca film festival and then seeing Avenue Q on Broadway which, in case you didn't know, is a musical. Starring puppets. And Gary Coleman. Two words: Bring it. Also I plan on going to Magnolia and getting a cupcake because 1) they are famous and 2) I am chubby and like cupcakes.

I am already preparing myself for the fact that I won't be able to watch tonight's shows until I come back on Sunday so my thoughts on those shows will be delayed (and seriously for those that care what my thoughts are, I just want to say that I love that you care). So I will leave you with my thoughts on Lost and ask that you please discuss in the comments and fill in the blanks because I know I missed stuff. I was so overwhelmed by what was going on.

Truthfully I'm not really sure where to start. I don't think I really have all my thoughts together. Last night's episode was awesome...and weird...and frustrating. Let's just start with the biggie: the declaration by Locke's dad (LD from here on out) that they are dead and in hell. If this is true, I am not happy. It feels like a cop out to me. What would be the point then of people having babies and fertility specialists and kidnapping and psychological testing and smoke monsters, etc? I mean honestly-polar bears in hell? It makes no sense. As soon as he said that they were in hell I was instantly disappointed. However, the mere fact that they had him proclaim it makes me believe it's not true. Lost doesn't give anything away like that. I don't think we'll really find out what the h is going on until the end of the series. LD said that one of the EMTs working on him after his accident smiled at him. Maybe that's because he or she worked for Ben's company and was about to whisk LD off to the island. I mean the accident was not his fault-he got rear ended. And Ben's people have killed before (Juliet's ex-husband).

Speaking of LD, it was pretty obvious just from the previews that Locke was asking Sawyer to kill him instead of Ben. And of course we all already knew that LD was the real Sawyer who our pretty Sawyer held responsible for his parents' deaths. It was nice to see Sawyer finally get his revenge. But nicer to see him be so shaken up by it that he got sick. He's still human (or a tortured soul spending eternity in hell-it's unknown which one at this time). LD was a complete rat bastard to his final breath. Good Lord that man was nasty. He got what was coming to him-death by metal chain strangulation! Nice!

Now as for the Locke story. What the hell is going on? We've been waiting for you? He's not the person we thought he was? What does all of that mean? It's so goddamn creepy. And then the Suddenly Susan guy who gave Locke Sawyer's file told him that he was special to this island and that Ben was jealous. To me, it was already obvious that Ben was jealous of Locke. I just really want Locke to lose his effing mind and kill Ben. How poetic would that be? He doesn't have the stones to kill the man who stole his kidney, stole his money and then paralyzed him, and as a result Ben embarasses him for being a coward then Locke sacks up and kills Ben? That would be beautiful.

I think Locke was being serious when he told Sawyer he was on his own journey now. I don't think he feels that he's on the Losties' side or the Others' side. However, he handed Sawyer that tape recorder and told him Juliet was a spy (lying whore), and I'm hoping that means that when the final battle comes-and it will come-he will come through for our Losties. However, what in the HELL is Ben going to show him in the upcoming episodes? "Are you sure you're ready for this, John?" I'm scared. And how come every time Ben calls anyone by their first name it makes all the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He is so creepy.

When I say final battle, I mean I think we are in for some serious Lord of the Flies shit, y'all. Former friends battling for power. People only being allowed to talk when they have the conch. Everyone shirtless wearing crowns made of vines and leaves. Piggy dying. Wait. I might be taking this too far. But, writers, let's see what we can do about that shirtless thing.

Seriously I don't like where this is heading. First of all, WHAT THE FUCK, JACK!? What do you and Juliet know that you're not telling? I swear to God on everything that is holy, writers, if you make Jack bad I will never ever forgive you for as long as I live. And Juliet, CAN YOU PLEASE DIE ALREADY!? Wipe the shiteating grin off your face and die! I'm not usually this into television death, but this show really brings it out in me. I don't know if I have ever hated a character more than her. Nina on season one of "24" was pretty close. I might have hated her more. Actually she didn't have the smirk so no-I hate Juliet more.

In other happenings,

- Sayid finally had something to do. It's about effing time. Also Desmond told the guys to tell someone they trusted about the parachuter. Did you see his face when he realized they'd told Sayid? He had a big smile like, "Good choice, fellas." I was thinking the same thing. Sayid is the shit.

- One more thing, Danielle is so effing crazy. I like how she just comes onto the Black Rock and is all like, "I'm just here for dynamite." Oh okay, crazy lady. There has to be some significance that she came on the boat while Locke was there. Maybe she'll end up thinking Locke has "the sickness" that forced her to kill her crew years ago.

- Penny did send the parachuter! Yay! She told you she'd never stop looking for you, Desmond! I'm sorry but to me that has to be one of the most romantic things that's happened on the show even though there was no making out and one of the characters wasn't even there. I can't imagine being Desmond and knowing that the woman you love has literally never stopped looking for you. Amazing.

So to summarize: What the hell is going on? Seriously.