Thursday, May 31, 2007

Letters for May 31st, 2007

Dear air conditioning,
It's nice to have you back. Let's make out.

Dear Cavs,
Are you trying to kill me? I cannot handle that kind of stress. My God I know I say this about a lot of people/foods/TV shows/movies/inanimate objects, but I will make out with LeBron James right now and have his babies. Like he really wouldn't even need to try to woo me. Or get to know me. Or really even talk to me. He would just need to point at me to indicate it was go time, and I would be there.

Dear U.S. Post Office,
Seriously? $.41 to send an effing letter?

Dear blog readers,
Is that Zach Braff doing the voiceovers for Wendy's?

Dear Carson Michael,
Welcome to the world, baby boy! We are so happy you're here. I can't wait to meet you and tell you all about how your mom would never listen to my stories in homeroom and about the day she gave herself a home perm and cried and how we used to sit in her parents' living room and listen to old records and how sometimes we laugh so hard it physically hurts. Also I have some awesome pics I can show you. You are so lucky to have the parents you do. Listen to them, and they will make you into a good person. One who, with any luck, will enjoy cooking me food just like your mom and dad. Beautiful boy, I haven't even met you, and I'm madly in love with you.

Dear Kimmie,
Holy effing shit you have a kid. Wasn't it just yesterday you, me and Squirt were having sleepovers in your basement? Now you are squeezing humans out of your body? It's going to take me a while to process that. I am so proud of you, and I love you so much.

Dear Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck,
Shh.

5 comments:

urban princess said...

re: Zach Braff & Wendy's - I think so but was going to ask the same thing.

Alan the Great said...

You're not big on impulse control, are you?

spaceface01 said...

Yes...I believe it IS Zach Braff...I knew he was doing voice of the puppy in that toilet paper commercial...but now Wendy's too, it seems.

Sassy Blondie said...

Dear Sarah,

Yes, I'm afraid that might well be our Zach doing Wendy's. Sad, isn't it?

I'm having new AC installed ASAFP..mine quit and it was 90 degrees and humid as hell here this weekend. I smelled so bad my dogs wouldn't even sit next to me.

At least your Cavs give you something to stress about...my Mavs rolled over for Golden State! And our baseball team sucks hard. My niece's 11-14yr old fast pitch softball team could beat them, for the love of Mike!

The PO sucks too...yet another reason to do everything online.

Skeezix said...

My mother and I just had a discussion about LeBron last night. And this is a woman who has only watched 2 games in her entire life.

I'll admit I was a little worried about him entering the NBA immediately after high school but he seems to have a really good head on his shoulders and dealing with the fame and money well so far.

I would totally have his babies too.

Zach Braff is totally doing Wendy's voiceovers.