Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Arts and crafts: Part 2

You may remember we turned Diane, Steph and Kim's refusal to take down their Christmas tree into a project: the holiday tree. We decorated it for Valentine's Day back at the end of January. Well tonight we had our second tree decorating committee "meeting" and decorated it for St. Patrick's Day.

In light of what happened to Diane last time, we decided to skip the sparkling white wine in favor of alcohol that didn't require a corkscrew. In fact I didn't drink at all because I didn't really trust Diane or Steph to give me a broken glass-free beverage.

Without the wine we figured the St. Patty's Day decorating party would go off without a hitch. And it did. Not. Before we even started decorating it, Steph, who is I think 5'1' or 5'2"-something ridiculous which allows us to yell, "Steph is short!" without her being able to argue-started to take the Valentine's Day decorations off. To do this, she stood on the recliner and just bent the tree down to her. The tree was pretty much perpendicular to the ground which is why none of us were surprised when we heard a huge cracking noise.

Yes, Steph broke the holiday tree. It wouldn't stand up anymore. It just wanted to fall forward. For a minute we thought about just having Sharda hold it up 24/7, but she took issue with that solution (baby) so Steph came up with another one:

She tied it to the window treatments with big gold ribbon. Sharda said, "Now this is classy." And Steph said, "Do you really think decorating a tree for St. Patrick's Day is classy?" Oh and I know what you're thinking: yes those are window treatments-not vomit-around those windows. It's easy to get that confused.

We decided the gold ribbon holding up the tree was a perfect metaphor for St. Patrick's Day. On St. Patricks' Day we are drunk and also need to be held up. What a beautiful physical representation of that concept.

After this fiasco, we did the normal routine. Made ornaments and decorations out of construction paper, posterboard, coloring books, crayons, markers, etc*. When I say "we" I mean everyone else besides me. I, of course, wrote limericks about my guy friends and contributed nothing to this end product:

Steph and Diane also created a game:

If you can't read that it says "Pin the Penis on Parker O'Tool" (we once saw a stripper named Parker). Steph made the game board. My sweet little baby sister made the "game pieces". The object of the game is to...okay listen. If you don't get the object of the game with that name, drop your mouse and go get fitted for a helmet (Bob).

We decided to try it out. Kim just "happened" to have this lying around:

She says it's to help her sleep. Sure, Kim. What you do in your own bedroom is up to you. We're going to use the Don't ask, Don't tell policy here and leave it at that.

Then we played. Diane was in charge of spinning us until we almost threw up. The we looked like this:

We even made Drew play with us. When all was said and done, Christy won, obviously, because she is a giant slut. Steph, Diane and Kim-occupants of the apartment-all did badly. All I'm saying, fellas, is for a good time don't call that apartment.

Oh and judging by where Drew and Diane put theirs (Drew's circled in red, Diane's in blue), I would say you have nothing to worry about, Mom and Dad.

*Is it sad if I call making stuff out of construction paper and glue sticks "the normal routine" at age 29?


russ said...

Did you know your copyright statement below is outdated? Aren't you worried about some stealing this comedy gold?

Jay said...

You should make every day craft day. It seems like such wholesome fun. Actually, maybe more whoresome fun. I keed I keed.

Seriously though. Tell your freinds I just love the curtains. My Grandma wore the same thing, circa 1982.

Mon said...

If you want to take up a collection, I'll donate to the new curtain fund....I feel bad for them, really. Love the tree though.

Sarah said...

Russ, how do I make it current? I have no idea how this stuff works. Teach me. And yes I am really worried about someone stealing my post about decorating a tree with St. Patrick's Day stuff. So many people would want to admit that.

Jay, whoresome fun!! NICE!!!! You = new best friend. Yeah the curtains and the wallpaper, etc-it all came with the apartment. And apparently is never leaving.

Carly said...

Sarah, I'm sure you can find it in your template. Just search on 2005, (and don't screw with anything else!)

I swear to you, when I was scrolling down I laughed and said "that's classy!"


Eileen said...

For fire safety reasons I am really hoping the tree is a fake. Friends still have their halloween pumpkins in the garage. Half rotted, faces in need of serious pumpkin plastic surgery...

Matthew said...

I completely forgot about the holiday tree. Seeing this today was like, well, like christmas (go figure). I love the tree topper...I actually have a very similar hat given to me by the fine folks at budweiser (go figure).
My only concern is that the tree is already broken in february....will it make it through april fools day, memorial day, flag day, july 4th, grandparents day, and arbor day? i would be devastated if i didnt get these monthly holiday tree surprises...

Sassy One said...

I love the tree, but what is even better is that you and your friends took the time to make and play a game in honor St. Patricks day! Looks like little ol' Parker O'Tool has a rather large package! Must be something in the Guiness! Can I play too?!

John said...

seems like Parker already has balls on the game board, why are the penises shaped like that?

wait....are penises shaped like that?

John said...

also Drew's balls are up on Parker's face, which is the place he's most accustomed to seeing them on Diane. I think Pam and Brudog have a lot to worry about.

Nickel said...

this comment isn't related to your post, although I think your holiday tree is awesome and I'm jealous I didn't think of it before I took mine down. This is about the yummy goodness of Arbor Mist. My boyfriend (of whom I'm now questioning his sexuality)asked me to pick some up last night, I was a little scared as I'm a wine drinker. Holy eff, this shit is like getting drunk off juice. I couldn't stop myself from drinking it. I almost went and got some to have with breakfast this morning. I've read about your love for this stuff and thought you would appreciate my new obsession. Hope you have a great day.

Sarah said...

Matthew, not to worry. Nothing will keep us from decorating the holiday tree.

Nickel, welcome to the wonder of Arbor Mist. I seriously love that stuff. You're right-it's like drinking juice. But it really does get you drunk. I have a big bottle of it in my fridge right now. All I'm saying is, it will be gone by Friday night. I'm also a little worried about your boyfriend's sexuality, but he's okay by me since he likes A-Mist.

Rebecca said...

I have one of those sleep masks, too. For sleeping. Really.

Wenchy said...

I need a pin the penis game!