Arts and crafts: Part 2

You may remember we turned Diane, Steph and Kim's refusal to take down their Christmas tree into a project: the holiday tree. We decorated it for Valentine's Day back at the end of January. Well tonight we had our second tree decorating committee "meeting" and decorated it for St. Patrick's Day.

In light of what happened to Diane last time, we decided to skip the sparkling white wine in favor of alcohol that didn't require a corkscrew. In fact I didn't drink at all because I didn't really trust Diane or Steph to give me a broken glass-free beverage.

Without the wine we figured the St. Patty's Day decorating party would go off without a hitch. And it did. Not. Before we even started decorating it, Steph, who is I think 5'1' or 5'2"-something ridiculous which allows us to yell, "Steph is short!" without her being able to argue-started to take the Valentine's Day decorations off. To do this, she stood on the recliner and just bent the tree down to her. The tree was pretty much perpendicular to the ground which is why none of us were surprised when we heard a huge cracking noise.

Yes, Steph broke the holiday tree. It wouldn't stand up anymore. It just wanted to fall forward. For a minute we thought about just having Sharda hold it up 24/7, but she took issue with that solution (baby) so Steph came up with another one:
















She tied it to the window treatments with big gold ribbon. Sharda said, "Now this is classy." And Steph said, "Do you really think decorating a tree for St. Patrick's Day is classy?" Oh and I know what you're thinking: yes those are window treatments-not vomit-around those windows. It's easy to get that confused.

We decided the gold ribbon holding up the tree was a perfect metaphor for St. Patrick's Day. On St. Patricks' Day we are drunk and also need to be held up. What a beautiful physical representation of that concept.

After this fiasco, we did the normal routine. Made ornaments and decorations out of construction paper, posterboard, coloring books, crayons, markers, etc*. When I say "we" I mean everyone else besides me. I, of course, wrote limericks about my guy friends and contributed nothing to this end product:




















Steph and Diane also created a game:















If you can't read that it says "Pin the Penis on Parker O'Tool" (we once saw a stripper named Parker). Steph made the game board. My sweet little baby sister made the "game pieces". The object of the game is to...okay listen. If you don't get the object of the game with that name, drop your mouse and go get fitted for a helmet (Bob).

We decided to try it out. Kim just "happened" to have this lying around:















She says it's to help her sleep. Sure, Kim. What you do in your own bedroom is up to you. We're going to use the Don't ask, Don't tell policy here and leave it at that.

Then we played. Diane was in charge of spinning us until we almost threw up. The we looked like this:















We even made Drew play with us. When all was said and done, Christy won, obviously, because she is a giant slut. Steph, Diane and Kim-occupants of the apartment-all did badly. All I'm saying, fellas, is for a good time don't call that apartment.

Oh and judging by where Drew and Diane put theirs (Drew's circled in red, Diane's in blue), I would say you have nothing to worry about, Mom and Dad.
















*Is it sad if I call making stuff out of construction paper and glue sticks "the normal routine" at age 29?