Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Oh-this day again?

Ah great-another Valentine's Day. The day we celebrate St. Valentine-the patron saint of making single people feel like shit. I'm not sure if that's exactly historically accurate, but its close enough.

This year I will be spending it with friends at a place called Herb's Tavern. Yeah that's right. Valentine's Day at Herb's Tavern. Who's jealous?

Seriously, though, I know I will have a good time just like I did last year. My sister already gave me a bottle of Bailey's in celebration. And before you ask, no-my life does not revolve around alcohol. Okay that's not true.

I was reading this excerpt from a book about what single people should say to people who ask them why they are single. One of the "snappy comebacks" was "because Buddha is single".

1. What the hell kind of question is 'why are you single'? If somebody asked me that I would say, "Why can't you create normal and appropriate conversation?" Either that or, "Eat a cock." Depends on how many vodka and cranberries in I am.
2. It's true. The reason I am single is because Buddha is.

Then I saw this article about 10 ways to spend a dateless night. Here are some of the suggestions they made:

- Clean a closet, drawer or file
- Work out
- Sign up for a class
- Paint a room

WTF? Can't I do something fun? This sucks. That's not how I want to spend any night-date or no date.

My favorites were:

- Realize that it's his loss that he hasn't found you yet.
- Don't project. You will only be dateless for the rest of your life if you think you will be.

Who the hell writes this stuff? Those are activities I'm supposed to do when I don't have a date? How about "not spend all your time thinking about having a boyfriend because believe it or not, iVillage, that's not all I think about". Or maybe even an actual activity like "watch a movie". Don't project. Honestly. I hope you feel me projecting my hatred towards you, author of stupid article.

Anyway, I wish a very Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there-single or not. If you're not, have fun going out to dinner and eating chocolate and getting busy. If you are, have fun cleaning out your closet and projecting.

Goddammit Valentine's Day sucks.


"AG" said...

You are single because men fear you. >:) They can't measure up to your perfection!

Anonymous said...

Miss Cranky-Pants has about 10 hours to lose the 'tude. Herb's Tavern does not serve cranky customers. Besides, if you're grumpy about VD, how can I hit on you with my VD themed pick-up lines, and I've been practicing all weekend. And you know Jace, he will feel your boobs tonight, so that is kind of like getting action. You don't have to contain yourself with one date, you can make-out with several tonight. Being single rocks! (see: your post from 2/14/05, that evening started at Herb's Tavern too, bring on Part Deux) -Steph

Azrael75 said...

Valentines day alone does suck. At least you'll be in a bar...I'll be sitting in class.

But...vodka and cranberry does indeed rock the house. Drink one for me will ya?

Happy Valentines Day Sarah!

Sarah said...

AG, yes that must be it!! Actually I am kind of scary.

Steph, I am not a cranky pants dammit! Okay I am a little, but I am excited for tonight. I am totally going to make out with Herb of Herb's Tavern.

Thanks, Azrael! You too! I will most definitely drink a cranberry and vodka for you.

Gordon said...

Does this mean that I can meet you guys after dinner for drinks and such?

citygirl said...

I've never had anybody to share VDay with until this year. But, you know, it NEVER bothered me. I'm not one of those women who constantly worries about being entwined with a man forever more. Thank God! Makes today more special for me, actually.

Sassy One said...

MMMM Herb sounds hot...I am so jealous. I say if you're ever home without a date, you have a threesome with Jack Daniel and Good Ol' Bailey... Have a drink for me!

Erik Holtan said...

Valentines Day does NOT suck!
I mean, it is a good excuse to give yourself a present. I mean imagine how wedding anniveraries would suck a lot more if you never got married? THAT would be lonely!
What kind of parent would you be if you choose not to have kids....I know.....I know....that is a lot to take in for now, but I will let you marinate on those thoughts while your liver is marinating at Herb's tavern this evening!

Oliviasmommi said...

I am still laughing at how funny "VD Themed Pick-Up Lines" sounds when taken out of context...

heather said...

I hope you drank that whole bottle - I would have! That would have ensured a good time... with or without anyone else!

Project? I'll project a boot up the author's arse.

Kara0303 said...

I'll just have you know that I had a fabulous time cleaning out my closets! Yeah, I mean, what wouldn't make a girl feel better on V-Day then finding a bunch of clothes that don't fit anymore because she's put on weight? Good times and great idea iVillage author!