Wednesday, February 08, 2006


As part of Shop Dungs' new Body for Life project, he keeps buying stuff from GNC. Things like Myoplex protein shakes and protein "cookies" that are painful for me to even watch him eat. They so obviously taste like ass.

I have never been in GNC. This may be shocking for people who know me seeing as I am totally into nutrition and my body. (Note: In this case when I say "nutrition" I mean "vodka".) But it's true. They sell a lot more than protein shakes there. For instance, did you know they sell cleanser? A lot of different kinds, too.

Here we have Colon Cleanse with an extremely appetizing picture of a colon on the front:

If you're interested in cleaning a different part of the body, how about some Ultimate Urinary Cleanser? Seriously it's the Ultimate. And it's cranberry flavored. you want some, don't you?

Or if you're really having trouble, it's time to bring out the TripleCleanse.

Week 1: Colon Prep
Week 2: Colon Flush
Week 3: Colon Renew

During week 2 you might want to stay away from public places and the leather interior in your car. Oh and heat lamps. Not that your bum would be near any heat lamps, but I'm just saying. I don't know your personal habits, and applying heat would only make things worse.

Shop picked up some other performance enhancing drugs. He had trouble deciding on which brand:

Erox? It promised hard-core performance, but what could be more hard-core than a rhino? Oh did I mention they were male enhancement drugs? Did I really need to? Ultimately, Shop decided on Alpha Male Plus:

I think it was the picture of the bull on the front. How can that not convince you that this drug is legit? Especially that specific bull. He looks like he's 700 years old and ready to be put down. Just like I like my men.

Shop grabbed one more thing on the way out:

As if I needed more proof that this store is not at all ridiculous and sells practical products, we also saw this:

That's right-Sylvester Stallone's high protein pudding. There is most certainly a dirty joke here, but I will let you guys come up with it yourselves. I am a lady.


Anonymous said...

does Sly personally come up with all of the pudding? I am not a lady

Mon said...

I hear that colon cleanse is good to anonymously slip into drinks of people that hurt you and deserve it. Not that I've ever done anything to that effect in my life, but yea, I hear it is. GNC rocks!!! Great products!!!!!

danielle said...

i can't believe i'm in training and not getting to be part of the 'shopping'. those cookies smell like chem lab and look like dough-colored hockey pucks.

russ said...

I thought Shoppy D's lips were looking fuller. More full. Kissable, I mean kissable.

Johnny Virgil said...

Really, there is only two things you need to buy at GNC if you are weight training. A giant tub of whey protein powder, and some protein bars for snacks. That's it. But you have to admit that store is awesome.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Now without my typos:

I actually worked at a GNC one summer vacation long ago. It was exciting. I can't say why here, though I will say that ephedra wasn't yet banned AND it was in GNC's multivitamins.

UM, my word verification is puorg. Kind of follows Sly's pudding. Yuck.

12:31 PM

citygirl said...

I obviously missed the boat by not browsing when I went to pick up my St. John's Wort 8 years ago. Who knew high comedy lived at the GNC? Certainly not moi.

Sassy One said...

You know, just when I was wondering how I should go about cleansing my colon, you happen to have several products people really do that? Maybe I am missing something? MMMM and that pudding looks so yummy...I wonder how they get it so creamy?

John said...

seriously what gives with the lip plumper? and isn't that a caribou or a reindeer on that one box?

Sarah said...

OMG what if it was a caribou!! I can't imagine someone saying, "You are totally hung like a caribou."

russ said...

"You totally kiss like caribou."

(My CAPTCHA is "hoenom", whihc is french for Ho Name!)

Eileen said...

It was disturbing enough to read about- but the pictures. Oh my eyes... my eyes....

Anonymous said...

I'm certain that Steph must own "Lip Explosion".

Tigerlily said...

For clarification, I believe that is actually a mule deer on the front.

"you're hung like a mule deer"

That has a sweet ring to it.


jf said...

You may want to be careful if you plan to purchase or use a GNC Gold Card.

You may be getting mush less than you were expecting.

See for details (Copy and paste the link in your browser if the link isn't live)

Cheers, Jack