Tuesday, February 07, 2006

True story

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad. It's Sarah."

"Hey, sweetie. What's up?"

"Ummm…..I have a unique problem."

"Okay…"

"I'm locked…inside my car."

"You're locked….inside….your car. Inside? Inside your car?"

"Yes. I'm locked inside my car."

"Oookaaay…"

"See I parked my car in the parking garage, and I went to open the door, and it was locked. So I pressed the Unlock button. The lock unlocked halfway then quickly locked itself again. I did that about 20 times, then I tried my remote thingie. The same thing happened. Then I tried to unlock it manually by pulling the little lever thing. It wouldn't move. Here I will try everything again."

Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.

[Pause to watch people walk by who are clearly thinking 'What the hell is she doing in there?']

Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.


[Start to pause for more people walking by. Remember that maybe they can't hear the clicking because it's not as loud outside the car as it is inside the car.]

Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.
Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick. Click-clickclick.



[Remember that my lights are blinking with every single click. Am quite certain that every single person walking by thinks I am a) insane or b) having a seizure. Stop trying to unlock it and pretend I am sitting in car to finish listening to a song on the radio.]

"Yeah I can't get out."

"Okay well roll your window down and try to unlock it from the outside using your key."

[Roll down window. Put key in lock. Key doesn't move. Think about possibility of crawling through window. Think about possibility of getting stuck. Think about possibility of having to explain that to people walking by.]

"Holy crap-how am I going to explain this to my boss?"

[Begin imagining rest of life inside car. Driving into conference rooms. Having wedding in garage. Raising family inside car. Passing children through windows.]

"Try it one more time with the key."

[Put key in lock again. Door unlocks! Jump out of car while I still can.]

"I'm out! I'm out!"

[Two days later have to pay $150 to fix a broken door handle. Feel anally raped.]

20 comments:

Johnny Virgil said...

"[Begin imagining rest of life inside car. Driving into conference rooms. Having wedding in garage. Raising family inside car. Passing children through windows.]
"

That was classic!!

Johnny Virgil said...

I had to post a second comment, just to tell you that I e-mailed you an exe file that you will have to get someone to release from quarantine. Also, I had to post again because my verification word was "poogab" and I couldn't just let it sit there and go unused.

slcup said...

That's awful. My biggest fear, more than birds or the countryside is being locked inside things. I would not have handled that well. Aren't dads great? Poogab...that's awesome.

Anonymous said...

my biggest fear is going water-skiing and falling into the water, and while I am helplessly bobbing in the water, another boat comes by without noticing me and chops me into little bits with its propeller... This really happened to some dude's daughter that my dad works with...somehow she managed to live through the accident, but now I imagine she is grossly disfigured. How freaky is that....seriously?!?! To this day, when my body hits that water, I flail around like Jessie Spano during the pool sex scene in Showgirls, just so those damn other boat drivers will notice me and not turn me in to Chop Drewy...hehehe


my word: xmghzko ... lame

Violet said...

You can't be serious! Were all the doors locked? That's hysterical. I totally would've laughed with (ok, at) you! : )

Courtney said...

Wonderfully written...I had a clear pic in my mind of this entire situation and was laughing my ass off!

I'm glad you got out of the car before you had to go to the bathroom...

Jay said...

You know, the same thing happened to me in college ghetto cruiser. The driver's side door lock was broken and I couldn't get it open for about 2 weeks until I got paid. I just opened the door on the other side of the car to get out until it was fixed.

That idea never came to mind, eh?

Matthew said...

While the hilarity of the situation makes for perfect blogging, i have a question.

Before I ask my question, however, I will say up-front that I do not know the make and model of your vehicle, nor do I claim to know the specifics of your door-locking mechanism.

That being said, why didnt you just flip the lock button with your finger? They do work without the power lock button you know. My dad always told me not to manually lock/unlock doors with power locks becuase it ruins them, but in your case, I think that's a moot point, eh?

Sarah said...

Jay, in newer cars, all the locks are controlled through the driver's door. Since that is the one that was broken, none of the other ones would open.

Matthew, that is what I meant when I wrote this: "Then I tried to unlock it manually by pulling the little lever thing. It wouldn't move." It was stuck and wouldn't unlock.

Believe me, boys, I am retarded, but I'm not THAT retarded.

Matthew said...

I guess in my fits of giggles and laughter, as well as the mild seizure caused by all of the "click click-click" repeats, I glazed over that part...

russ said...

I think I would have to have a limb hanging by a thread to call my Dad for help. Not that he wouldn't be happy to help... maybe it's a guy thing.

On the other hand, I did once call someone from work to help me start my GF's car. They drove out and started it right up. I couldn't turn the key with all my strength. Turns out sometimes you have to slightly move the steering wheel to allow the key to turn. My brand new car does this, too.

It freaks me out. I don't like it.

Sarah said...

No problem, Matthew. Are you saying "little lever thing" wasn't completely clear? I'm pretty sure that is the technical name for that part. By the way, please picture my lights blinking with every single click. I am not even kidding. Can you imagine what it must have looked like to people walking by??

Russ, it's totally a guy thing to not call your dad. I agree-the steering wheel thing is annoying. Plus I don't get it. Like what is the point? Anyone know?

citygirl said...

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard!

Johnny Virgil said...

It's part of the steering lock mechanism, that is supposed to be a theft deterrent. No key and you can't turn the wheel. Sometimes it gets caught on one of the locking mechanisms.

Gordon said...

Dude, that's even more priceless than what I did to the trunk of my car.......

danielle said...

this is the greatest day of my life right now that i've read this.

Golightly said...

That is some crazy drama! Funny but I would have been so scared, too! It's like "Christine" or something.

Erik Holtan said...

What about taking a crap?
These are things EVERYONE needs to think about once the cars start taking over for humans!

Eileen said...

Humilitation would have kept me from calling for help. I would have had to survive eatting the cheeze-it crumbs between the seat cushions.

Sassy One said...

Classic! I'm sorry that I am laughing my ass off at ur misfortune. I can't imagine the horror of it...u may have nightmares forever "click click-click click"