Friday, September 01, 2006

Letters for September 1st

Dear Chevy HHR,
What are you? You look really weird.

Dear everyone on the road this morning,
What's up with all the GD traffic? It's the day before a holiday weekend, and traffic was worse today than any other day this week. I mean shouldn't you guys be on PTO? Come on-you deserve a day off. And I deserve to not feel homicidal while driving.

Dear Sherbs,
Thank you so much for having me over for dinner. I mean I loved the free homemade dinner, but not as much as I loved the company. And by that I mean your dog, Charlie. Just kidding. You guys are awesome!

Dear guy who called me for a reference for a former co-worker of mine,
I can't say I'm called as a reference very often, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to tell me that what you're looking for is someone to "keep you in line" and "wipe your butt". Someone who will "essentially be your bitch but who wants to be treated like a queen". Especially after you've already hired her. That was the single most bizarre phone conversation I've ever had. And you should meet my friends. I mean that's really saying something. I'm a little bit worried for my friend, but also I feel like she will have some awesome stories for me. You scare me.

Dear lady who snaps in meetings,
Because of you I came to the realization that I hate snappers. Don't snap when you're angry. Don't snap when you're making a point. Just quit snapping. It's really starting to piss me off. Like a small seed of rage has been planted and with each snap of your fingers it grows and grows and one day it will become so uncontrollable that I will turn into Lou Ferrigno and beat your ass. Seriously. Unless you're a Jet and you're telling me to play it cool boy, I don't want to see any snapping.


Anonymous said...

You have truly isolated the only time in which snapping is appropriate. Thank you.


Violet said...

What kind of reference was that person looking for? Was that for a job??? This friend of yours is totally going to have to start a blog.

Vicky Automobile said...

I wish my office worked like a well choreographed seen from a 1950s musical. Wait, no, I dont.

Anonymous said...

The retired sorority girl in me still snaps when i'm excited on occassion instead of clapping...never in anger, though and never in a work this inappropriate? Can I still snap sometimes, it's quieter for you than me busting out full applause when I approve of something you do, like dance the S-O-S dance...can I snap for that? And while we are on it, can you always do that dance, always.

Lo, I'm snapping all weekend for you with or without permission, i'm so exctied. Bring it Fort Lauderdale, bring it. Snap, snap. -steph

jess said...

Um, yeah. What is the HHR?

Sarah said...

Steph, I think I need to see this celebratory snapping to decide if it's okay or not. Also I will gladly dance to SOS 24/7.

ThatGirl7278 said...

Yes - that's right. It's 3:30AM and I am blogging. I just noticed you've linked me! I am ... just... in awww. You are the blogger I aspire to be.

Gooooo SARAH!

Johnny Virgil said...

when you initially said "snaps" I thought you meant like "loses temper and gets all bitchy."

But either way.

heather said...

The snapping thing HAS GOT TO STOP - Just break one of her fingers! You can make that look like an accident. Really - just put a little weight behind dropping a stapler or other object of your choic... Of course, I am not speaking from experience!

Sorry if my sense of humor is a bit demented today.

Adam said...

Apologising for humour has to stop!!

Yeah, I agree with that Johnny, I think you mean 'clicking'.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

When I was looking at cars in May, A salesman showed me the HHR and I said to him, "Would YOU be seen driving this thing?"

He just laughed and we moved on.