Letters for September 1st

Dear Chevy HHR,
What are you? You look really weird.

Dear everyone on the road this morning,
What's up with all the GD traffic? It's the day before a holiday weekend, and traffic was worse today than any other day this week. I mean shouldn't you guys be on PTO? Come on-you deserve a day off. And I deserve to not feel homicidal while driving.

Dear Sherbs,
Thank you so much for having me over for dinner. I mean I loved the free homemade dinner, but not as much as I loved the company. And by that I mean your dog, Charlie. Just kidding. You guys are awesome!

Dear guy who called me for a reference for a former co-worker of mine,
I can't say I'm called as a reference very often, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to tell me that what you're looking for is someone to "keep you in line" and "wipe your butt". Someone who will "essentially be your bitch but who wants to be treated like a queen". Especially after you've already hired her. That was the single most bizarre phone conversation I've ever had. And you should meet my friends. I mean that's really saying something. I'm a little bit worried for my friend, but also I feel like she will have some awesome stories for me. You scare me.

Dear lady who snaps in meetings,
Because of you I came to the realization that I hate snappers. Don't snap when you're angry. Don't snap when you're making a point. Just quit snapping. It's really starting to piss me off. Like a small seed of rage has been planted and with each snap of your fingers it grows and grows and one day it will become so uncontrollable that I will turn into Lou Ferrigno and beat your ass. Seriously. Unless you're a Jet and you're telling me to play it cool boy, I don't want to see any snapping.