Wednesday, July 25, 2007


Hey, motherbitches! I'm back after taking a few days off of work, blogging, bathing, paying for things and washing my hands after I pee.

Very quickly, let me address something Dina asked me which is "Am I going to recap HBO's "Flight of the Conchords"?" The short answer is no and here is the only reason why: I don't have HBO. However, my friend Erik has sent me numerous clips to this show, and let me just tell you that if I had kids, I would seriously consider selling one in order to afford HBO just for this show. You guys, this show is so effing funny that if you have HBO and you are not watching it, I am currently judging you while simultaneously damning you. Just watching clips of the songs causes me to pull muscles I never knew I had.* Excellent question, Dina, and excellent taste in television. It's possible I will someday use you for your HBO.

Here is the invitation John sent out for the bonfire, or as he calls it the "bondfire", he and his wife had at his house on Friday:

"You are all cordially invited to come and enjoy a nice fire and various snacks and beverages. We will have various alcoholic beverages however if you'd like something rare or exotic, feel free to bring it. Feel free to bring the friend you'd rather be spending time with so that when our party blows at least you have somebody you like to share it with.

Mission: To leverage the diverse cultural backgrounds and upbringing that have resulted in our individual partying strengths as friends to create a synergistic energy that results in a fundamental change in the way friends like us have partied and made bonfires in the past. Subsequently we will collect analytics and discuss the data result set of this party methodology such that it will allow us to simulate different outcomes based on our continuous partying methodology improvements creating a cycle of test driven development which results in a set of best practices for bondfires in the future.

Deliverables: In 3 sprints
Sprint 1 - Pee
Sprint 2 - Drunk hors
Sprint 3 - Empty coolers, sweet karaoke, and Danielle's butt on Hot Vendor Guy."

I would say we accomplished our mission and more, including:
- Multiple peoples' butts on Hot Vendor Guy and his wife
- Watching a 9 year old do the my request obviously
- Having that same 9 year old yell at John for dirty dancing with girls because he's married
- Smoking homemade menthol cigarettes (right now my mother is weeping)
- Keith and John making up a song on the spot about Hot Vendor Guy being gay-in front of his wife
- Exploring some ruins and a creepy lagoon near John's house that we saw on MSN Live Maps satellite pictures the day before

I didn't go to bed until 4am and that was in John's basement on an air mattress his wife had set up for me. John came down in the morning a little early and made me drink water. Then he let me sleep more, and when I got up he made me french toast and his kids made me laugh so hard I almost peed. I'm just saying I think it's high time I get in on John and Leah's marriage. They take care of you and give you food. Count me in.

*Obviously this is an exaggeration used for effect as I don't have any stomach muscles.


Anonymous said...

Your mother cries because of handrolled menthols?

Anonymous said...

I read the first sentence and realized I can't live without yoru blog. You are awesome.

Sassy Blondie said...

Ah, the memories...

Thanks for sharing, Sarah! I'm wondering about Hot Vendor Guy and all you guys' butt prints on his lap? I bet he got in trouble on the way

ThatGirl7278 said...

Homemade menthols? Ewwwwww.

Dina D'Alessandro said...

Whenever you're in NYC, hollah. Be forewarned, though, that you might have to sit on a carpet of cat hair as our apt's 250 sq ft, we have 3 cats*, and I never clean.

*Cats are named TIMMY!, Tweek, and Butters, so hopefully you (and your allergies, if you have them) will forgive me.

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

How is it that John comes across as so dirty and creepy on his blog but in real life he filles up air mattresses and makes you drink water and gives out french toast??

Or is this not the blogging John?

I actually said AAWWWWWW when I read about the water part.

You are damn funny here but you might be screwing with his image. ;)

Mon said...

Lucky. I wanna pass out at someones house and have them bring me water and make me french toast.

a said...

Thanks for almost making me pee my pants from laughing at work.

And Flight of the Conchords is probably one of the greatest shows ever. It might be worth the extra $10 a month to get HBO. I can't really speak for myself b/c I go over the guy's house who I am madly in love with and watch it. :) So it's the best of BOTH worlds.

russ said...

I think John is nice _and_ creepy. For instance, that wasn't French Toast, it was toast that he'd frenched.

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