Bondfire

Hey, motherbitches! I'm back after taking a few days off of work, blogging, bathing, paying for things and washing my hands after I pee.

Very quickly, let me address something Dina asked me which is "Am I going to recap HBO's "Flight of the Conchords"?" The short answer is no and here is the only reason why: I don't have HBO. However, my friend Erik has sent me numerous clips to this show, and let me just tell you that if I had kids, I would seriously consider selling one in order to afford HBO just for this show. You guys, this show is so effing funny that if you have HBO and you are not watching it, I am currently judging you while simultaneously damning you. Just watching clips of the songs causes me to pull muscles I never knew I had.* Excellent question, Dina, and excellent taste in television. It's possible I will someday use you for your HBO.

Here is the invitation John sent out for the bonfire, or as he calls it the "bondfire", he and his wife had at his house on Friday:

"You are all cordially invited to come and enjoy a nice fire and various snacks and beverages. We will have various alcoholic beverages however if you'd like something rare or exotic, feel free to bring it. Feel free to bring the friend you'd rather be spending time with so that when our party blows at least you have somebody you like to share it with.

Mission: To leverage the diverse cultural backgrounds and upbringing that have resulted in our individual partying strengths as friends to create a synergistic energy that results in a fundamental change in the way friends like us have partied and made bonfires in the past. Subsequently we will collect analytics and discuss the data result set of this party methodology such that it will allow us to simulate different outcomes based on our continuous partying methodology improvements creating a cycle of test driven development which results in a set of best practices for bondfires in the future.

Deliverables: In 3 sprints
Sprint 1 - Pee
Sprint 2 - Drunk hors
Sprint 3 - Empty coolers, sweet karaoke, and Danielle's butt on Hot Vendor Guy."

I would say we accomplished our mission and more, including:
- Multiple peoples' butts on Hot Vendor Guy and his wife
- Watching a 9 year old do the worm...at my request obviously
- Having that same 9 year old yell at John for dirty dancing with girls because he's married
- Smoking homemade menthol cigarettes (right now my mother is weeping)
- Keith and John making up a song on the spot about Hot Vendor Guy being gay-in front of his wife
- Exploring some ruins and a creepy lagoon near John's house that we saw on MSN Live Maps satellite pictures the day before

I didn't go to bed until 4am and that was in John's basement on an air mattress his wife had set up for me. John came down in the morning a little early and made me drink water. Then he let me sleep more, and when I got up he made me french toast and his kids made me laugh so hard I almost peed. I'm just saying I think it's high time I get in on John and Leah's marriage. They take care of you and give you food. Count me in.

*Obviously this is an exaggeration used for effect as I don't have any stomach muscles.