Friday, November 18, 2005

Back on solid ground

I just want to get a quick letter out of the way:
Dear co-worker,
I'm sorry that on our flight back from NYC I was jittery, hyperventilating, and looking like I was trying to hold your hand. The truth is, I kind of was trying to hold your hand. I am a nervous flyer, and I don't know if you know this but when it's really windy-like it was on Wednesday-and you put something in the air, it tends to blow around a lot. That even holds true for something that weighs like 160,000 pounds. I hope I didn't make you nervous when I turned completely green and grabbed the barf bag. Thanks for being nice to me.

This is by far the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. I mean seriously can you imagine anything worse? I can't stop thinking about it. I might start wearing an ant trap around my neck just in case because I honestly didn't know those little effers were capable of something so horrific.

Read about my Saturday night. Danielle had us over for a grown up dinner party, and it degraded into what you see in the pictures. That is me giving Drew what looks like the Heimlich maneuver. I actually think we were dancing. I don't really think it needs to be said that I am-quite clearly-a talented dancer. I wouldn't try that move at home, folks. Drew and I are professionals. This was one of the best dinner parties I've ever been to. Kick ass time, Mufflet!! Thanks!! And Happy Birthday to all my November biatches.

My comments on Lost (don't read this if you haven't watched Wednesday's episode):
1. Who the FRICK are The Others!? Seriously they are pissing me off. Why are they so creepy!!!!???
2. Ana-Lucia is horrible. I thought that watching what she went through during the first 48 days on the island would make me like her and sympathize with her, but it didn't. I still hate her. I tried to like her-I swear I tried. But she's just too awful. Yes she's tough which is kind of cool. And when she killed Goodwin that was pretty awesome. But she's also a giant raging biatch and a tyrant. My question is-why does anyone listen to her? She just makes all these decisions without asking anyone and then that's it. Everyone's like-oh okay. Bullshit, mama. If I was there I'd be like, "Listen, whore, you're not the boss of me." Then she would probably slit my throat, but at least I wouldn't have gotten my virtual balls cut off in front of everyone like Bernard after he got a signal on the radio, and she turned it off and took it away from him*. Well guess what, bitch, now you killed Shannon and messed with Sayid, and he is going to kill you, and it is going to be awesome. I swear if they make Jack hook up with her, someone's getting a beat down over at ABC.
3. Mr. Eko is amazing and is built like a brick shithouse. If I was there I would never leave his side.
4. I cannot wait until they reunite Bernard and Rose. I am going to cry like a baby.
5. The first couple minutes of last night's episode made me pee my pants.

*Yes, I'm aware that signal was Boone, but they didn't know that. Seriously, Ana-Lucia, the entire front of the plane is missing. You somehow made it to the island. Yet it's completely out of the realm of possibility for you that those people on the radio might actually be people who survived the same plane crash that you yourself survived by making it to the same island that you yourself made it to. WTF! I hate you! Then everyone just believes her. Why?!? Dammit, Bernard, sac up and tell the biatch to EAC**!! Sorry I am very angry about this.

**Eat A Cock


Mon said...

I too, hate ana. I think she is the "Locke" of the tailies. He is mysterious, and so is she. She does questionable things. Like, Good vs. Evil. Maybe Locke will have her carry some dynamite, and we wont have to look at her ugly mug anymore. Sorry. She 'irks' me!

slcup said...

Holy hell! That ant story is seriously the most god-awful thing I've read in, um, FOREVER. Thanks. Glad you're back and didn't die on the plane. Flying sucks.

Charlotte said...

That ant story is horrible. I am deathly afraid of ants. They freakin' creep me out. I was in a car accident where I was thrown through the roof of a convertible and landed 22ft. away.. IN A FIRE ANT BED! The MF'ers devoured both my legs while I lay helpless with a broken pelvis... Can you tell I have an intense hatred towards the little buggers? lol

Johnny Virgil said...

So is it just me, or is the name "mufflet" kinda hot?

What? No airplane horror stories?